THE PLAYERS:
Nick
Glenn
 

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I made cheap stupid Star wars
references. I was half-asleep at the time. It was a bright Tuesday, and fate was
throwing lawn darts at me. I know that sounds
serious. I don't care. So screw you in your
lack of mastery of foul language. I mean, check me out: "Infuckincredible."
"Fuckin' shithead." "Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?"
I fuckin' rule! So why do you attempt to
overthrow me with an U.N. peacekeeping force? Why?!?
"Hey, why not?" he replied. Then he pulled out a gun and told us all to drop to
the floor. "Hey, you're not part of a U.N. peacekeeping force at all, are you?" I said.
"No, I'm just a crazy guy. I've been plannign this for a long time.
Don't you recognize me, Glenn? Suddenly, I realized--
I had NO CLUE who this person was! So I lied. "Oh yeah, I recognize you from--
um, lemme think, I can't remember. Your face looks familiar, like from, uh..."
He shot his gun into the air. "You
fool! You really don't recognize me?" I didn't. "I'm
sure I remember you... Steve?" He smiled. "I knew," he said, "that you would
finally not recognize me." Then he shot me in the chest and I fainted. I woke in a
bed, but I wasn't in a hospital. I might have
been dead, but I didn't think so. No one was
hurt. Except Paul, who was dead. Oh my God, he's dead! That's awful!
I cried myself to sleep. It was the worst day of my life. I eventually
cried enough that Paul(who had died
years back)'s coffin washed over to me.
But before I could waddle over to it, the coffin had washed back out
to sea on the surf. I despaired then, for surely it had been a sign from
Paul that I should kill myself. I decided
that I would in fact kill myself? Also, F=ma.
But more importantly, V=IR. That was the key. It was an impossible
puzzle but I was on the verge of solving it! That's why I didn't take my
chance to solve d=vt; I had to work for
Doctor Jamisoncongeikabob, who had a mysterious
name. No, wait, just confusing. And damned confusing at that. Which is
why (thumb gesture) I did not have sexual relations with that doctor. Thank you,
and good night.