THE PLAYERS:
Glenn
Dave
Corey
Nick
 

I stared at the spreading puddle of blood on
the ground. The blood was coming from the head wound
from neing vitriolically beaten by
a hickory writhe and being placed in a burlap sac.
Was sent down river to a small yellow convertible. A man with
a long beard was to take it to Fort Knocks where they would
get the women pregnant (hence the name). The long beard was supposedly a
stimulant. Scientific studies had proven it. Then again, scientific studies prove a lot
of shit. A whole lot of shitty crap. Like the
big bang. Speaking of the big bang, Mister Banks
said the universe was created by the "big bang."
He must be an evolutionist, an infidel, a sinner
with tight buns that drive me completely utterly wild. During the
night of October 2nd in a box on the east side of town where all the
pigs come out to play. Literally. I do mean farm animals. Oh, also whores. Pigs and
whores. So after several rouising games of foosball (the pigs winning all
the hams), I was very tired. So I went back to my
house to find someone to have some major
operations on a herrniated disc. Oh shit,
it's Doctor Nick from The Simpsons.
Raping child-like empresses from that movie no one likes. Well
except for me. I'm so gay it hurts and when I touch
myself I cringe in pain. Remember, kids, blenders, and sex don't mix."
And thus, I concluded my presentation to the high school health class, when
Mothra suddenly appeared. I couldn't believe it. Mothra! Wow!
I remembered instantly who to call -- Sir Banks of Fuckolot!
But he was lying in the fetal position
on the floor, for he was shocked by the Vandagraph Generator.
He awoke to find himself surrounded by beautiful nude women. Little
did he suspect, they were really aliens from the planet Meannius who
wanted to spread joy across the galaxy? Apparently not; he
slaughtered them all. Seeing the destruction around him, he laughed as he slit his own throat.