THE PLAYERS:
Nick
Matt

Lights flashed, lenses clicked, and cameras whirred as I stepped into the
spotlight. I smiled. I was soaking up the attention. "My friends," I
turned to face the sudience, "I am dying!"
The masses turned in vain "And you are smiling?" They
scorned me. A bitter, acerbic spittle flew from their mouths as they screamed
and booed at me. My smile turned to a frown; tears began to well up in my eyes.
"Fuck you pot-smoking turkey!" I shouted.
"so what if I am a hermaphrodite?" I asked.
"That's irrevelant!" they cried, hurling rocks and stones at my unprotected body.
But my force shield immediately went up and repelled the missles. "Ha, you think
these can hurt me?" I laughed. "I am permiable
only by seagulls. Oh shit, why did I tell you?"
"No, ass-HOLE, you didn't. All you told me is that I ran like a flock
of seagulls when I did the mile. It wasn't funny AT ALL, believe you me."
They insisted on nesting in my hair and
crapping on my face. Damn them, I thought. Anyways
that was disgusting. So I took a long hot shower to clean all the shit off
(literally and figuratively). After that I got into bed, pulled the covers up over
hy head and wondered how I got from the
ceremony to my bedroom. "How scary." I beat off
the ravaging, pillaging hordes of ravaging, pillaging Vikings. Then  beat off.
After that I slept. The eventually I woke up, got out of bed, bragged a comb
throught my armpit, and got some underwear on.
"To the Batcave!" I I screamed as I jumped
down. "Holy fishheads, Batfuck!" because I was pissed at the caped
crusader so I was betraying him. I landed on his shoulder and beat his head in
with my strong man-gina. "Take that, Mr. Barney!"
I yelled. I meant business. Never had I been
so hot and bothered. I punched him in the face three times, then hopped
into the Batmobile and drove off. I ad to get to the strip club -- fast -- or else
I would be forced to play StarCraft all night.
Even though medics were hot, nothing compared to the
sweet taste of death. So I drove the Batmobile into a tree. The End?