ONE DAY, Boudreaux was walking down the street and found his friend Thibodeaux holding a long pole upright with a yard stick. He was trying to measure the pole from the bottom up and was having quite a problem. So Boudreaux went up to him, yanked the pole and the yard stick from his hand, laid the pole on the ground and measured it for him.
"There," he said, "ten feet long."
"You idiot!" Thibodeaux said, exasperated, "I didn't want to know how long it was! I want to know how tall it is!"
BOUDREAUX was walking down the street one day when suddenly he was hit by a car. He was knocked out cold, and when he awoke he found himself in hell. "Hmph," he thought, "guess I died and went to hell. Oh well, might as well make the most of it."
After spending one day in hell, Satan came up to Boudreaux and said, "So, how do you like it in here?"
"Mais, dis ain't so bad, cher," answered Boudreaux, grinning. "It's kinda like being in the French Quarter in the summer!"
Frustrated, Satan turned the heat up all the way. "So how do you like it now?"
"It's all right," said Boudreaux, "Dis is kinda like Bayou Teche in August!"
Vexed, Satan tried a different approach. He turned the air conditioner on, full blast, until hell was covered in ice.
"There," said Satan. "How do you like it now?"
Through frozen blue lips, Boudreaux gave a big smile. "Oh, this has got to be the happiest day I ever knew! The Saints must've won the Super Bowl!"
ONE DAY Boudreaux and Thibodeaux decided to go bear hunting. As they drove along the highway, they came to a fork in the road that had a sign reading "BEAR LEFT." So they went home.
ON A HOT summer day, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were riding their horses along the side of the highway one day, going at a slow, easy pace. It was very hot and humid.
"It's hot today, ain't it Thibodeaux," said Boudreaux.
"Mais yeah, cher," said Thibodeaux. "It's pretty hot."
Suddenly they saw a car come speeding past them at at least 100 mph.
"That car was goin' kinda fast there, wasn't it Thibodeaux," said Boudreaux.
"Mais yeah, cher," said Thibodeaux. "Dat was pretty fast."
The two shrugged and continued on. About 5 minutes later, another car came zooming past them, this one even faster that the first.
"I wonder what everybody's in such a hurry for," said Boudreaux.
"I don't know," said Thibodeaux. "I got an idea. Next time someone comes speed past us like dat, let's ask 'em why."
"Good idea," said Boudreaux. They continued on, and sure enough, another car came zooming toward them. This time Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were able to flag them down and stop them. The driver of the car had his window down. "May I help you?" he said.
"Naw, I was just wonderin'," said Boudreaux, "How come all y'all come zoomin' past us like dat?"
"Well," explained the driver, "It's so hot, and my air conditioner's busted, I figure if I roll the windows down and drive real fast, it'll cool down."
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux thanked him and let him go. As they continued down the road, Boudreaux said, "Y'know, Thibodeaux, dat's a good idea. Maybe we oughta try it."
"Good idea, Boudreaux," said Thibodeaux. So the two pulled on the reins and made their horses gallop as fast as they could. As the horses ran faster, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux found that they were much cooler.
"Hey Boudreaux," said Thibodeaux, "Dis really works!"
Suddenly, Boudreaux's horse collapsed and fell to the ground, sending Boudreaux flying off with him. Thibodeaux stopped his horse as Boudreaux landed flat on his back.
"Boudreaux!" he yelled, "you all right, cher?"
"Mais yeah, I think so," said Boudreaux, "but I think my horse is dead!"
"Oh no!" said Thibodeaux, "What happened?"
Boudreaux shrugged. "I dunno. I guess he musta froze to death."
ONE DAY, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were sitting down watching the 6 o'clock news on television. As they were watching, they saw a news story about a suicidal man standing on the ledge of a tall New Orleans skyscraper.
Now Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, being your typical Cajuns, would bet on anything. So Boudreaux said to Thibodeaux, "Mais, I'll bet you 10 dollars dat man dere on the ledge gonna jump!"
Thibodeaux, unable to resist such a bet, said, "Oh yeah? Well I'll bet you ten dollars dat man don't jump off da ledge!"
"You're on!" said Boudreaux. So they closely watched the television screen. Sure enough, the man jumped.
"Aw man!" said Thibodeaux. "How'd you know dat man was gonna jump?"
"Well, they showed it on da 5 o'clock news earlier today!" said Boudreaux. "Didn't you see it?"
"Mais yeah, I did see it!" said Thibodeaux.
"Then why'd you say he wouldn't jump?"
"Well," said Boudreaux, "After doing it once, I didn't think he'd wanna do it the second time!"
BOUDREAUX DECIDED TO fulfill a life long dream of his one day -- to become a spy for the CIA. So he went through months of arduous training and made it down to the last test. He found himself in a room with two other men who were applying for the same position. One man was from California, and the other was from New York.
After waiting about ten minutes, the sargeant finally entered the room. "Okay, men," he said, "This is going to be the last test to see if you're really CIA material. Now, in the CIA, you have to do whatever we tell you, no matter what it is. So this last test will see if you are willing to do follow all orders."
The sargeant pointed at a door that led to a small room. "I have called all three of your wives over here, and they are all waiting in that room." He then pulled out a pistol. "Now, I want each of you to take this gun, go there, and kill your wife. If you do that, you're in. If not, you're out. Do I make myself clear?"
The three men quietly nodded. With that, the sargeant handed the gun to the man from California. He took the gun, walked into the room, and about a minute later, he came out with his arm around his wife. "I'm sorry," the man cried, "there's no way I can do this! I love my wife. I quit!" So he handed the gun to the sargeant and left with his wife.
The sargeant then handed the gun to the man from New York. He took the gun and went into the room. About 30 seconds later, he came out with his arm around his wife. "Forget it," he said. "My wife means too much to me. I don't want the job this bad." With that, he handed back the gun and left.
Finally, the sargeant gave the gun over to Boudreaux. Boudreaux grabbed the gun, strutted on into the room, and closed the door. Just as the sargeant was expecting him to come out and give up, he heard the gun go off several times in the room -- POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW! After a moment of silence, the sargeant could here a big racket in the room -- furniture breaking, glass breaking, that sort of thing. Finally he heard a loud scream, which was followed by silence.
The sergeant watched in shock as Boudreaux came out of the room. His clothing were all messed up, he was covered in sweat and was breathing very heavily. He was very mad.
"All right," shouted Boudreaux. "Who's da wise guy who loaded dis here gun with blanks? I had to strangle da woman!"