Saturday afternoon, May 8, 1999. It was a beautiful day in Monroe, Louisiana today...the kind of day when the weather was perfect and you just didn't want to stay inside. Unfortunately, I had exams to study for...no time for frolicking gleefully around in the sun (not that I "frolic," anyway, but you get the idea).
Fortunately, here at NLU we have a brand new library. Seven stories tall, right on the bank of beautiful Bayou Desiard (one of the most beautiful bodies of water I know of). What does that have to do with the outdoors? Well, from the higher floors you can sit at a table right by the windows overlooking the bayou, so you have some nice relaxing scenery to enjoy while cramming for finals.
Today I was sitting by the window on the fifth floor, studying for my parenteral therapy exam, trying desperately to internalize all this material so that I can regurgitate it all out on the final Monday morning. While I was studying I heard some crowing a tapping on the window. I looked out the window sill below me and saw two blackbirds perched on the window sill. They were just standing there, looking into the library, pecking on the glass with their beaks (probably at their reflection), and crowing. I was so close that I felt like I could almost reach out and touch them, if only the glass weren't there.
I sat there and stared at one of the birds. I watched as he sat perched on the window sill. At one point it looked at me, almost as if it could see me. Then it turned its head, looked around, and went "Caw!" Then it looked at me again, looked around, went "Caw!", looked at me, and so forth. Then I looked at the other bird. It started saying "Caw! Caw!" in a slightly lower pitch than the first one. Then the two birds started "talking" to each other..."Caw! Caw!" I could almost understand what they were saying, like two friends having a conversation. It was interesting. I don't think I've ever observed a pair of birds from that close before. After just watching them for a couple of minutes, the first one flew away, and then the second one followed.
As I turned back to my notebook to resume studying, I started thinking about those birds, and how much I envied them. Here I am, alone in this library with no one to talk to, stuck here with a parenterals test that I need to study for so I can pass the class and move forward toward my future pharmacy career, and plagued by the fear of failing this test, failing the class, having to repeat the course again next year, and being set back yet another year. And yet these birds, they don't have to worry about college and careers and relationships and other worries that consistently taunt me on a daily basis. They can just fly around freely without a care in the world. At that moment in the library, I almost wanted to be one of those birds.
Then I was reminded of one of my favorite Bible passages: "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" (Matthew 6:26 RSV) God cares so much for the birds, including those two birds on the window sill of the fifth floor of the library, and He always makes sure that they are taken care of. So why wouldn't He care for me? Why should I worry so much about my future when God has everything taken care of?
I guess when you think about it that way, it really doesn't make sense to worry, or to envy the birds.
Update: Since writing this, I took that parenterals exam that I was studying for on the day I made this observation. It was truly one of the worst exams of my life; I really wasn't prepared enough for it, and I left feeling that I had failed and would have to repeat the course. A week later I received my grades and found out that not only did I pass the class with a "C", I also passed all my other classes and made my highest GPA since beginning pharmacy school! It just goes to show how unnecessary it can be to worry sometimes; God really does have it under control!
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I'm here staring at a bird in a tree / Lying still only wishing he were me / 'Cause for a bird it's not a crime / To try and satisfy his bird belly hunger / Or fly the blue belly sky / And from his bird's eye view / He can pick and he can choose / He doesn't have to grieve his spirit / No he doesn't have to lose a moment's joy there in his nest / No matter what his mess, and he can barrel out his chest / And he can fly away // Chorus: But I'm pinned down in my bed again / I don't think I could fly (I wouldn't try) / If I was a bird, I would be content / To peck along the ground / 'Cause I'm pinned down again // I'm here staring at a bird on a limb / Lying still only wishing I was him / 'Cause I can use a haven / A nest above my fate / Call it a rest from the chasing of my pillow and my plate / And for a bird it's always right to love his appetite / He's too dumb to know the struggle, to weak to know the fight / He can fly south when he gets cold, sing until he's old / And on a whim he can unfold his wings / And fly away // I'm here staring at a bird in the air / I wonder what I'd see if I looked down from there / I'd see a shattered temple, all its members in a sweat / Everyone's been degraded, every sermon they forget / I'd see a man pulled from his bed by the same Hands of Love / That hung a cross around his neck / Just to remind him, remind him who he was
THE WAITING | STARING AT A BIRD |