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Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes / We talked about soccer and how every man's just the same / We made speculation on the who's and the when's of our futures / And how everyone's lonely but still we just couldn't complain // And how we just hate being alone / Could I have missed my only chance / And now I'm just wasting my time / Looking around // But you know I know better, I'm not gonna worry about nothing / 'Cause if the birds and the flowers survive then I'll make it OK / And given a chance and a rock see which one breaks a window / And see which one keeps me up all night and into the day // Because I'm so scared of being alone / That I forget what house I live in / And that it's not my job to wait by the phone / For her to call // This day's been crazy but everything's happened on schedule / From the rain and the cold to the drink that I spilled on my shirt / 'Cause You knew how You'd save me before I fell dead in the garden / And You knew this day long before You made me out of dirt // And You know the plans You have for me / And You can't plan the ends and not plan the means / And so I suppose I just need some peace / Just to get me to sleep
CAEDMON'S CALL | TABLE FOR TWO |
I was talking with my ex-girlfriend Livvy on the phone recently, just trying to catch up on what was new in her life. I found out that she was dating a new guy. I was really happy for her, even though I had not started dating anyone since our breakup. Then the question came up:
Livvy: So dear, have you started dating again?
Me: Uh, well no, not yet...
Livvy: Why not?
Me: Well, I just haven't really found anyone I wanna date yet. Besides, I'm too busy with school to even think about dating right now.
Livvy: I understand, but I want you to find someone, Glenn! I want you to be happy.
Me: I appreciate your concern, Liv, but who says I need a woman to be happy?
I have to admit, I really surprised myself with that comment. For years I had always looked at being single as a curse. I went through high school without a girlfriend, and feeling sorry for myself because of it. I thought that all I needed to feel happy and complete was a female companion to share my life with. Then in college I met Livvy, and for a while things were wonderful, but I soon learned that being in love isn't all peaches and cream. After eight months, the relationship ended, and I was back to feeling depressed again. I remember not wanting to break up; I wanted desperately to try to isolate the problem and work things out for the better, but it just wouldn't have done any good. The truth was inevitable; we just weren't meant to be together and maybe God had something better in store for me. I had a hard time trying to accept that; after all, it took me this long just to find Livvy. I was wondering if there really was anyone else out there for me. Moreover, I really didn't want to go back into the dating game. I never did like dating around that much; I just wanted to find Miss Right and get on with my life.
Well since then, I still haven't found anyone else, but I am starting to come to grips with my singleness and what it really means. Basically, I don't really see it as a curse anymore like I used to. Yes, it is hard to go through life without a significant other sometimes. It's especially tough when I see a guy and a girl in love, holding hands or embracing each other, or when I open up my local newspaper and see one of my old friends or classmates from high or elementary school in the wedding/engagement announcements. Believe me, it's tough, but I've realized it won't do me any good to put my life on hold while waiting for the right one to come along. I have my own life to live; I can't spend all my time waiting for her, otherwise I will be truly miserable. I've learned that in order to attract a good female, I first have to know who I am and try to focus on making myself a better person.
The above song by Caedmon's Call really hit the nail on the head for me. The guy who wrote it, Derek Webb, is also single, and his lyrics really make sense -- God has it all planned out. Maybe there is a woman out there for me. Maybe there isn't. Either way, God knows what is best for me. He's had my life planned out long before I was even conceived. He knew what I would be doing at every moment of my life; He even knew that right now I would be sitting at this computer writing this. If I do get married sometime in the future, then I know it's already on God's agenda, and it has been from the very beginning. He knows exactly when and where it will happen; He even knows who the lucky woman will be. Sometimes I wish He could just tell me right now when I will get married and who I will marry, or even if I will get married at all, but God can't plan an end without planning the means. I know that He will reveal His plan to me bit by bit as the time is right, and when I do reach that point, I will be able to look back at all I went through to get there and say it was worth it.
I've decided to make the most of being single; to cherish it as much as I can. Maybe it isn't that bad after all; it gives me a chance to focus on what I really want in my life and what I really need to do to make myself a better person. More importantly, it gives me a chance to focus on God, and how I can better serve Him right now as a single person. In a way, I've found that singleness is actually a gift. Don't get me wrong; I don't plan to stay single for the rest of my life (although if that's the way it's meant to be then so be it), but in the meantime, I'm not going to sweat over it. There are more important things to do right now. I have my education to worry about. When I get my degree I'll be able to find a good job that will be able to support myself and a wife, and maybe even a family. I have plenty of time to worry about that. Heck, I'm only 21. I've got my whole life ahead of me, so why rush things?
Livvy thought that finding a woman would make me happy. Was she happy with the new guy she was dating? Apparently not. He turned out to be a lying jerk and she dumped him after 3 months. Don't get me wrong...I'm not gloating, in fact I'm sorry it turned out that way. But it just goes to show that being in a relationship won't necessarily make you happy, and being single isn't necessarily something to feel miserable about. The only thing that will make you feel complete and fulfilled is the love of God. Before you can be happy with a spouse, you have to be happy with the Lord, and with what He has already given you. Before you can get what you want, you have to want what you have. That's the main thing I have learned, and am continuing to learn.