1. When it seems that you've killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
2. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion or who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away immediately.
3. Do not search the basement, especially when the power has just gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak using a voice other than their own, shoot them at once. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note: it's unlikely they'll die easy, so be prepared.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, never go alone.
6. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
7. If you're running from the monster, you will most likely trip or fall. If you are female you will.
8. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine, especially if it is called Derry.
9. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
10. When something bad is chasing you, bear in mind that when you try to start your car, no matter how reliable the vehicle is normally, you'll have to crank the engine over many times before it will fire up.
11.People arriving to rescue you generally get ambushed by the monster, so don't rely on them as your only means of escape. In fact, expect to be surprised and delayed by encountering their flayed corpse at some point.
12. Do not call the police as they are either evil and will turn you in or will not believe you and laugh at you. Either way, you must handle the problem yourself.
13. If you are using a gun to combat the all-comsuming evil, it is a good idea to quickly find a new means of defense, because no matter how much ammo you have, you'll run out just before you kill the monster (unless your name is Ash, in which case, you'll never have to reload).
14. If you have defeated the monster, pay close attention to the camera, if it pans away for no apparent reason at all, get the heck out of there.
15. Skeptics are always proved wrong in some horrible, nasty, painful way. Be a believer.
16. If you are a child, don't panic! Monsters only attack overly horny teenagers. Children can NOT be killed in a movie, only possessed or absorbed. So cheer up!
17. If you've beaten the monster into a bloody pulp and you're sure he must be dead, take the opportunity to dismember, burn, eat, blow up or otherwise utterly destroy him.
18. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
19. As a general rule, don't play games, solve puzzle boxes or answer riddles that open portals to Hell. In most places this is considered rude.
20. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This rule also applies to any other house of the dead.
21. If household appliances or power tools start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits.. Just get the hell out of the house.
22. Do not take anything from the dead. No matter how pretty it is, or how much you like it, it's bound to disagree with you sooner or later.
23. If you are driving down an old country road and you come across a town that looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around, just keep driving.
24. Don't mess about with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
25. If your traveling companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behaviors such as hissing, fascination with blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
26. Beware of strangers in your neighborhood particularly if they are carrying tools like chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering irons, and ice picks. Also, be wary of anyone driving a combine.
27. If you live in some part of the world where werewolves are common and you hear noises in the barn, do not assume that it is your cousin making a late night visit. Bar the door, lock the windows and sit in your kitchen with all of your silver knives, newly sharpened, and a flame thrower and shoot th e first thing that comes through the door.
28. If you hear of a legend that ever 23 years something comes out to eat people. And you are there the excact same day, leave fast.
29. Do not leave a party on Halloween night to have sex in a barn
30. If you are blind folded never assume the guy with the mask and knife you are feeling is your boyfriend playing a kinky game with you
31. If you find one person with a deadly disease where you are camping don't, set him aflame and enjoy the rest of your camping exprience. Because he more then likely fell in you cabins water resivour.
Pilfered from various e-mails.