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Letters and Goodbyes

By Alison

D/C: I don't own Gilmore Girls. I'm not really sure who does, but I don't. WGN or something. Sue me not, please.

~*~*~

Rory lay in her bed that night. So much had happened that day. But she was only thinking about one of them.

'Why did I kiss him?' she wondered. 'I have Dean. I love Dean. But still…'

Suddenly, she heard a tapping at her window. She got up and looked over. The person she least wanted to see right then was there.

"Jess," she said, opening the window. "What are you doing here?"

"Couldn't sleep," he said. "Want to talk?"

Rory sighed. "Sure," she said. "Just give me a second. I'll meet you outside."

She closed her window, yelled to Lorelai that she was taking a walk, and walked out the front door. She stopped on the porch. Jess was waiting for her in her driveway.

She couldn't help but smile. "Hey," she said.

"Hey," he said. She walked down to him.

"I shouldn't have kissed you," she blurted out.

"Wow, way to beat around the bush," he said.

"I mean it, I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love and I don't want to hurt, and I can't just kiss every guy that comes my way."

"Oh, so you've kissed other guys?" he teased. Rory gave him a look, and he became serious. "Rory, I'm not going to deny that I didn't like that kiss, because I did. I've waited so long for it. And I don't want you to be with Dean." He looked down at his feet.

Rory sighed. "This is so complicated," she said, sitting down on the porch step. Jess hesitated, then sat down next to her.

"I know," he said.

"Why'd you move back?" Rory asked suddenly.

Jess raised his eyebrows. "Well, New York was just a little more lonely without Luke ordering me around." Rory nodded slowly, and he saw in her eyes that that wasn't the answer she wanted to hear. "And I missed you," he added. "A lot."

"I missed you, too," she said. His hand came up and gently landed on her cheek. She didn't move away. "But we can't do this."

"Why not?" Jess asked, his face moving closer to hers. She still didn't move away. Her eyes were searching his. His lips met hers, and they shared a gentle kiss, longer than the one that afternoon.

Rory pulled away as soon as her mind was straight. Jess moved his hands from her face and the dropped back onto his knees. "I'm going to Washington this summer," she said.

"Washington?"

"Washington D.C."

Jess paused. "For how long?"

"Six weeks."

He swallowed. "That's a month and a half."

"You're math skills are improving, I see," Rory said, trying to make light of the conversation.

"I don't want you to go," he said. "You're the only person keeping me sane here. Without you, it's just your mom and Luke. And no offense to your mom, but she's a psycho."

Rory smiled. "I know." She shivered slightly.

"Cold?" Jess asked. Rory nodded. He took off his coat and draped it around her. His face came close to hers again, and this time she initiated the kiss. They stayed like that for a long time, then Rory broke away from him.

"We shouldn't do this," she said, leaning on his chest, lost in the gray fibers of it.

"But it feels so right," he said.

"I know," she said. She paused, then said, "Bye, Jess."

"Are you kicking me out?" he asked.

"No," she said. "But I don't think I should see you until after I get back from Washington D.C. Give Dean some time to cool off."

Jess sighed as he stroked her hair. How long would that be? "You're right," he said, although knowing in his heart that it wasn't.

They stayed like that until Rory fell asleep. Jess carefully picked her up and set her on the porch swing. He brushed a piece of hair away from her face and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you, Rory," he said. "Goodbye."

He walked away from the Gilmore house for the last time.

True to her word, Rory and Jess didn't see each other in the time she had between that night and her trip. When she got back, she regretted it.

"Mom!" she yelled, running across the airport and hugging Lorelai.

Lorelai hugged her back and handed her a coffee. "I thought you'd miss this," she said, smiling.

"How sweet!" she said. "So you got all my hate mail about the bad coffee in Washington D.C."

"Yeah, I got to know the mail guy pretty well," said Lorelai. "His name is Cliff, and he used to be on a TV show!"

"Wow!" said Rory. They walked out to the car. "How is everyone?" she asked, only caring about two people, and one of them was sitting next to her.

"Well, Luke's missed you like crazy," she said. "He just lost half his business without you. Lane'll be happy to see you, she came by a couple times. And Dean! Dean will be ecstatic! He was pining after you like a little lost puppy. Keep him on his leash, will you?"

Rory felt a pang of guilt. "What about Jess?" she asked slowly, not wanting to give any hints.

"Jess?" asked Lorelai, slightly confused about something. "Oh, didn't I tell you? He went back to New York after you left."

"He WHAT?!"

The car swerved slightly. "Yeah, he said something about not having anything left here that was worth it," she said. "I'm sorry, I thought I told you."

Rory leaned back in her seat. "How long will he be gone this time?"

"I think he's gone for good," said Lorelai. "Oh, cheer up, he left you a note."

"He did?" asked Rory.

"Yeah, you can read it when you get home."

"Did you already read it?" she asked.

"Me? Never!" said Lorelai.

"Look through the envelope?"

"No, he used one of those smart little no peeking envelopes."

"Imagine that."

"He's no fun," said Lorelai.

When Rory got home, she had one thought on her mind. 'I need that note.'

She picked it up and brought it to her room. Laying down on her bed, she tore through the special no-peeking envelope and unfolded the letter. The handwriting was slightly messy, like it had been written in a hurry. Rory sighed and started to read.

Rory-

By the time you actually read this, I'll be back in New York and you'll be back in Stars Hollow. I thought you'd appreciate that I'd used the special kind of envelope. If your mom doesn't trust me, I don't trust her with top-secret documents like this.

You're probably wondering why. Why I left. Well, you were right when you said that we can't be together. Everyone was against it. Your mom, Luke, especially that fifty foot boyfriend of yours. So I had nothing left here. I put up with it for a couple days, but I realized that I was going out of my mind.

So I left. I just got up one morning and I told Luke I was leaving that afternoon. He looked really surprised, but he let me go. At least my mom's keeping my mind off of you. She's trying to be an actual decent mom and trying to take me places, like I was still ten years old. It's a little late, but I put up with it because then at least I'm not thinking about just you every minute of the day.

Please don't cut school again to come visit me. You go to Harvard and become an overseas correspondent. Get Dean to drive at you shouting in a foreign language. He probably knows a couple. More than me.

Anyway, this is probably the last time you ever get to hear me say anything again, so let me just say, I still love you. And I always will. Maybe in different circumstances we could've been together. Who knows? But just don't forget me, OK?

Goodbye, Rory.

-Jess

Rory leaned back and clutched onto the letter. She knew in her head that he was right.

But she knew in her heart that she didn't want it to be.

FIN

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