this ming's a psycho -- flash gordon

Yes, I'm well aware that I'm a few hours late for my update. I usually update some time before noon or shortly thereafter. I am extremely disappointed that I have no hate mail in my mailbox!!! I am starting to lose faith in this hopeless human race.

This update is nothing special. I'm sitting here with a small cup of everclear mixed with orange slice. You didn't think I was joking that that was my favorite drink did you?

I went to a temporary employment agency and spent several hours watching safety videos. I was taught which chemicals I can use to mop a floor with and which chemicals I could burn the insides of a human with. How charming, these videos are, really.

As we are speaking I am watching Flash Gordon, the movie. If I did not know any better I would swear that it would be a soft porn video with all of the sex scenes removed. If you are not familiar with Flash Gordon it is a early 1980s seemingly homoerotic  movie based on the Flash Gordon comic books in which a football star turned intergalactic prisoner turned superhero saves the universe, in a nutshell.  A very tiny, narrow nutshell.

What was it that got me in the mood to watch this homoerotic fantasy/armageddon flick? Well, I saw Battlefield Earth after I had viewed those videos. Fortunately Battlefield Earth was viewed by me in a cold, dark theatre. The videos at the temp agency were viewed by me in what seemed to be a time machine to the 1980s where Ronald Reagan was president and his wife was snorting rails of cocaine between each "Say No To Drugs" commercial shoot.

The safety videos were nothing in comparison to Battlefield Earth. While box office results show that America does not like B.E. as much as Gladiator, which I have not the desire to see, I thoroughly enjoyed this romp through futuristic Earth that contained dialogue reminsecant of a Seymour Butts episode. That's not to say I did not enjoy the movie itself. I did. And I also enjoy pornography, to an extreme extent.

There was one point in which a the main evil character, whose name fails me since it's of no real importance, blows off the head of what he refers to as a "man animal." I was so hoping to see the man animal's head blown up on the big screen with unnecessary close ups. But alas, I must've been watching the edited version. Still, I enjoyed the movie and caught myself laughing at some ironic yet indoubtedly cheesy lines uttered by several characters. I paid four and a half American dollars for this movie and I sincerely believe it is worth it. However, I think if I had waited for it to come out on videocassette and watched it on my tiny 27 inch television my opinion about this movie would've been quite different. But it's not just the special effects nor the dialogue nor the plot. It's the idea behind it. It intrigued me how in the year 3000 A.D., when the movie took place, a majority of the earthlings believed the scattered remains of the skyscrapers and other American capitolist institutions as palaces of the gods. I know I'm not really giviing much, if any,  detail about this movie. I suggest you see it for yourself and allow your own opinions to surface to the brim of that thing in your head called a brain.