06-07-00 Global Fucking Semen
Yes, another day full of inviting cool breeze but a tortorous sun blazing down on just my face. I did grunt work all day. I did get some needed exercise and a nice hefty pay check for the day however. So the evil sun must've just been letting me feel its wrath for not worshipping it all those years I was in a Baptist school.
The heat reminded me of a bar called Crazy Lazy's in Matamorros, Mexico which I have mentioned before on this site. Despite the 5 dollar tab which included anything and everything I could drink, I might as well have not paid the tab, waited for the bar itself to close and lick the backs of the drunk patrons on their way home and then spent the 5 dollars on a Mexican whore with change coming back to me.
There was this one time in particular I remember, which is loosely related to the above. I had spent several hours swigging down amaretto sours, sex on the beaches, countless shots of watered down tequila, vodka and rum when it was time for me to head back to the states since my ride was heading that way as well.
Thirty minutes after driving the two miles of the Mexican/American bridge which was simply dubbed the "New Bridge," we had stopped at a convenience store to pick up munchies. This was four or five years ago so I'll try to remember what it was that I tried to steal in my drunken stupor. I believe it was a half quart of Gatorade, 2 snicker's bars and a bottle of mayonnaise. I soon realized that I had bitten off much more than I could chew and decided to hit the restroom and dump the contraband in the sink.
I walk out of the restroom and am headed out of the store when the clerk tells me that he has seen me perform a not-so-swift theft and has called the police. Great. I'll just have my friends rush me home even though I had suddenly grown paranoid.
Friends? What friends? This was turning into an "Afterschool special" and I wanted no part even though I had volunteered to play the lead role. My friends had forgotten that I was inside, or maybe they just didn't like me, and seemingly vanished into thin air. So I decide to head home, on foot, which was 20 miles away.
I started thinking about the cops who had been called on me. I decided that I would sleep under a bridge which was located at the bottom of a hill close to where I was walking.
I also thought that rolling down the hill would get me there faster. I lied down and began to roll in the weeds and such to the bottom of the hill. I wasn't surprised to see a border patrol truck with an officer standing near at the bottom of the hill. Nor was I suprised that I had rolled right into the truck luckily not damaging it. My night had been odd enough and I was so thoroughly inebriated that I could not fathom what consequences would come. So, I explain ....I slur to the officer that my ride left me by the border and I live some 30 miles away. His empathy and sympathy amazed me as he told me to jump into the back of the truck and that he would take me to my home since his shift had just ended.
Lucky me? Nah, the Sun God was protecting me and since I did not pay pennance, He punished me today, years later with brutal heat.
