::::::::::::::::::
Spike woke alone and rubbed his forearms reflexively before shaking himself fully awake. "Xan--?" he croaked, knowing there wasn't anyone there. Nikki's jacket clung to his body, though, and he closed his eyes again. Breathed in
//...?...//
//To get the smell, fuckwit.//
the lingering trace of Xander on the leather, mixing in with all the stale smoke and old blood. His hard-on dug against his thigh and he settled back on his right elbow, releasing his cock and pulling lightly. Felt the ghost of Xander's desperate hands last night and speeded up, stroking until everything had tightened; just one more mo--
//Xander's face flushed dark, semen about to hit.//
Spike groaned, hand off his cock and over his mouth, and rolled over, grinding hard into the mattress until he came, biting his palm.
//Fuck!//
He found last night's beer on the other side of the mattress and swallowed the warm yeasty swill, washing out blood and the last taste of Xander. He threw the empty bottle at the wall, appreciating its shatter. He tapped his forehead experimentally against the wall. //Good hard wall.// Hit harder, needed that pain to cut through the haze. Harder. He considered finding a human to attack, just to get the chip to go off--
//No chip, idgit.//
Spike crawled back under the jacket and pulled it over his face.
//Fuck.//
::::::::::::::::::
Xander had dropped into bed soaked from the shower, barely opening his eyes between the bathroom and bed. He knew the apartment so well he could cover it all without a peek; didn't want to lose it, couldn't miss another month of rent. On the bed, he'd twisted and turned, waiting for sleepiness to return. Sleep fled from soon-to-be-homeless guy.
Finally he stood up and headed for Spike's room.
//Closet. Whatever.//
He crawled onto the futon and dug his face into the pillow; wished for superpowers that would let him smell months-old traces of Spike.
//Crazy murdering Spike.//
Xander pulled the pillow over his face and inhaled as deeply as possible. Slept.
::::::::::::::::::
The new microwave was more powerful than any he'd ever used, and the blood scalded his lips when he tasted it. Spike almost spit it out but he just held it in his mouth, sternly told himself to wait for it to cool.
He couldn't wait and gulped it, feeling it sizzle and spark all the way down until it flared in his gut. He heated another and drank it straightaway until the flare was a high flame that pushed him out of the kitchen.
"Spike? Where--?" Slayer on the stairs behind him.
"Out."
"When--?"
Spike grabbed the duster from the hook by the cellar door. "Don't wait up, Mum."
Out, out, out! He wished he could howl at the moon, kick some ass, knock over several mailboxes and upturn recycling bins. //Domesticated? Quite.// The blood was screaming in his veins and he took off at a run for Xander's, not slowing down until he reached the building's hallway.
Spike leaned against the wall, gulped needlessly for breath and ran his fingers through his hair. He smoothed the red tee shirt over his belly and checked the state of the chipping of his nail polish. The crosstown run had taken the edge off his anxiety, but the meat of it was still there, and he really didn't want to rehearse any lines.
//I'm sorry I did that. No I'm not. Yes, I--//
//Best wing it, then.//
He knocked on the door and waited. He couldn't hear anything, but he knew Xander was in there. Beyond scent or anything, he just knew. He knocked again and again, finally slamming an open palm on the door, rattling the hinges.
He kept knocking out of habit more than anything when the door opened and Xander stood there, wearing his shirt, rubbing his eyes.
Spike's hand dropped uselessly against his thigh as he drank in the sight of sleepy puzzled Xander, a smile growing over his lips.
"Hey, Spike," the boy said. Xander yawned and wandered over to the side table, leaning against it, waiting.
::::::::::::::::::
Spike just stood at the threshold, sucking in one cheek, tilting his head and imploring something with those blue eyes. Xander felt his face stiffen with the grin and rubbed his jaw, feeling the rasp of stubble.
"Spike? You okay?"
Spike shook his head. "Door--"
"Nothing's stopping you," Xander told him. He got a massive brow wiggle at that one and Spike inched his toe across the threshold. He didn't smile at the lack of resistance, just drew his foot back and tried again.
Xander went to the kitchen and took a can of Coke from the fridge. "I'll let you practice, then. One foot in front of the other. You can't screw that up, can you?" He leaned over the counter, watching Spike shuffle his way inside, sideways, looking for all the world like an amateur cat burglar, and tried not to laugh. "You want a soda?" he asked when Spike was finally all the way inside.
And then Spike was at his side, lifting the can out of Xander's hand. He sprang up onto the counter and pulled Xander between his legs. "You didn't do the thing--?"
Xander reached for his caffeine. Spike lifted it out of reach.
"The reversal spell?" Spike insisted. "You didn't--"
"No. Can I have my drink now?"
Spike caught his chin and held him still. Xander snaked his tongue out, trying to reach the top of Spike's thumb but the vampire pushed down firmly. "Why not? Rampaging evil undead psychokiller out there, singing to himself, and he can get into your--"
Xander shrugged. He could barely explain it to himself, much less to Spike. Especially at such close range. He sighed and Spike shook him back to attention.
"Why not?" Spike's voice was almost harsh, and Xander couldn't ignore the cascade of thrills that sent to his cock.
"Because--" Xander started. Spike glared at him. "'Cause it's your, you know, your-- your place. I thought maybe, I don't know, someday, you might want to come--" Xander closed his eyes; he couldn't take the glare and couldn't stop from reaching down to shift himself.
"Home?" Spike asked and released Xander. Xander felt himself nodding, afraid to meet Spike's eyes.
"Yeah. That, or--" Xander shuddered and caught Spike's hand in his own. He leaned forward, feeling Spike's ankles close behind his knees. "Can I kiss you?"
Spike tilted his head back, placing a hand on Xander's chest. "That, or what?"
//Maybe hoping the rampaging evil undead psychokiller would let himself in and put poor stupid dumb guy out of his boring misery?//
Xander slipped his hands up and down Spike's thighs. "Talk later?" he asked. "Kiss now?"
Spike nodded slowly and caught Xander's cheek as Xander leaned in. "When you put it like that--"
"Monosyllables?"
Spike grinned and then his lips were on Xander's almost chastely, cool breath covering his own, soft tip of the tongue tracing the edges of his lips. Xander shuddered again, squeezing Spike's thighs, raking his fingers up and down. He tried to still his own tongue's insistence on exploring Spike's mouth, but when Spike caught his upper lip between his own and tugged at it, Xander pressed him back, shifting forward onto tiptoes, pushing his tongue in. Spike groaned and pulled Xander on top of him, scooting up on the counter, fists clenching Xander's shirt, wrenching his nipples back and forth. Xander looked into Spike's eyes, watching the glimmer of bronze around his dilated irises, and kissed harder.
::::::::::::::::::
Spike dug his fingers into the soft waves on the back of Xander's head and tipped it back, running his tongue down the man's stubbled cheek, over the jaw, across the soft, hot throat. Xander gripped Spike's hips, grinding his cock against Spike's hard-on, moans stuttering out of his mouth as Spike sucked on the hollow of his throat. Just above the clavicle, where the heat was concentrated, blood thrumming below the impossibly thin skin: the sweet spot. One of them, anyway.
He reached down, insinuating his hand between their thrusting hips, and squeezed Xander's cock, rubbing it hard with his thumb. Xander's head dropped to Spike's shoulder as he started to mewl. Spike wrapped his arm around Xander's waist and flipped them over. He raised himself up on one hand and took in the sight below him. Xander's eyes were squeezed shut, his breath coming fast and shallow, flush spreading from his cheeks down his throat.
"Xan."
Dark eyes fluttered open, black to the rims. "Spike--. Please?"
Spike stayed still, searching Xander's eyes. "Do you want this?"
Xander bit his lip and moaned, pressing his cock up against Spike's palm. "Want you," he breathed. "Spike--"
Spike slid off the counter and Xander groaned. "Ssssshhh," Spike murmured. "Not leaving." He opened the button on Xander's shorts and tugged them down. Xander lifted his hips, and Spike released the shorts, kicking them away.
Xander was shifting and thrusting hard, and Spike dove in, sucking the weeping purple head of his cock hard enough to make the boy squeal. He tickled Xander's balls and felt the skin tighten to the breaking point. Xander was jerking under him and Spike squeezed the tender skin of his inner thigh.
"Ssssshhh, pet, it's okay," he whispered.
Xander bit his lip and thrashed his head. "Spike--" groaning one syllable into a long cry.
Spike stroked Xander's thighs and ran his finger over his ballsac, dipped down to his perineum. He licked Xander's cockhead and sucked the whole thing into his mouth, running his tongue along the shaft as it dipped in and out of his throat. He let the boy thrust jerkily, sucking in Xander's own rhythm, tapping and tickling the skin above his asshole. He rubbed his knuckle over the pucker.
"Spike!" Xander gasped, his voice suddenly clear and urgent.
As Spike looked up, his lips slipped off the cock. "Want to taste you," he said. "Want to feel you come--."
Xander sat up and clutched blindly at Spike's shoulders. "Spike?" he asked, almost bewildered.
Spike worked his knuckle against the tight hole and licked the underside of Xander's cock with the flat of his tongue. "Lay down, Xan, ok? Lie back and enjoy." Xander groaned as his ass irised open a millimeter around Spike's finger and fell backwards. Spike dove back down on the cock, suckling it, drinking the steady stream of pre-cum. The boy's hips bucked under him, one jerk of sharp pelvic bone knocking the side of his head, and Spike squeezed Xander's balls as he increased the vacuum of his mouth and throat.
::::::::::::::::::
Xander was coming into the frigid marble of Spike's throat, coming as his cock got wrenched by its roots, shooting, and Spike didn't stop sucking until Xander managed to trail a hand across that cool furrowed brow.
"Spike?" he croaked, loading every feeling into one name. Spike was tugging him down, and he found himself lying in the vampire's lap, head lolling against Spike's shoulder. Lukewarm lips kissed his eyebrows and mouth. Xander opened his mouth instinctively and felt Spike's tongue sweep lazily around his own. He hooked his arms around Spike's neck and pressed against the sweet chill.
Spike was combing his hair gently with his fingers. "You taste so good, Xan."
"Thanks," Xander mumbled into Spike's cheek. He tightened the hug. "Thank you."
This close, Xander could hear the chuckle start deep in Spike's chest, making its way up until Spike kissed his forehead. "Tit for tat, mate," he said. "Owed you, didn't I?"
Xander moved one hand to Spike's chest, pressing, feeling for the absence of heartbeat. "Owed?" he echoed.
//Dumb stupid fuck-up.//
::::::::::::::::::
Xander's eyes had dropped from his and Spike felt the man's entire body tense. He felt the tension and anxiety rush back over Xander, and searched for what to say.
"Figure of speech, innit?" he asked, determined to keep his voice even. "Just a figure of--"
Xander flinched.
"Xan--. Stop."
Spike caught his arm as he tried to slip away. "Listen, all right?"
Xander blinked. At least he was still.
"Joking, all right? Joking." Spike rubbed Xander's back. //Relax, pup. Please for Christ's sake. Just relax.// "I came over here to apologize."
Xander shook his head. "Nothing--"
"No, Xan, look at me." Spike tried to smile as dark soft brows trembled and knit. "I needed to apologize. Might be the soul. I don't know. Thought Angelus had cornered the available guilt, but--"
Xander kissed him so sweetly and fully that Spike realized it was his turn to blink.
::::::::::::::::::
That look of worry Xander hadn't seen before last night was back, darkening the sweet blue of Spike's eyes, creasing his face with unexpected wrinkles. Xander kissed him again, brushing his lips against Spike's slightly parted lips.
"Talk later," he said. "Up now."
Spike gave him a vague lopsided grin and helped him stand. Xander hugged him, resting his cheek on the ice-colored hair and rubbing. //Like a kitten.// He grabbed Spike's hand and headed for the bedroom.
He couldn't quite believe it, but Spike was following. Quietly. Xander made it inside the room when the phone rang. He lunged for it, and realized Spike was still there, still holding his hand. He squeezed it as he picked up the receiver.
"--der? Listen to me." Buffy in full-on Leader //As in follow-the-// mode.
"Listening."
"Spike's gone out--"
"I know, Buff. He's right here." He squeezed Spike's hand again and grinned at the pissy look clouding the vampire's face when he said Buffy's name.
"Are you? He okay? Safe?" Stuttering, and Xander smiled, holding the phone away from his ear.
"We're fine--" Spike nodded his head adamantly at that. Xander raised their hands to his lips and gave Spike's knuckles a quick lip. //Ooh, happy vamp.//
"What are you doing?"
//Jawohl, mein herr.//
Xander swallowed the irritation, sharp as bile. "Raising hell?" he asked weakly.
"Not funny, Xander."
"Sorry. Look, we're fine. We're just hanging out."
"Since when do you hang--"
Spike grabbed the phone and pushed Xander down on the bed in a single motion. "Slayer?"
He listened, frowning, and Xander rucked up his shirt, trying for an enticing wriggle. Spike trailed cool finger tips around the nearest nipple.
Xander shivered and threw a leg over Spike's lap. "Too much estrogen in that house, you know? Needed a little, er, testosterone." His fingers dipped down, cupping Xander's cock, already half-hard again, and squeezing. "Such as Harris has to offer, but beggars can't--"
Xander thrust into Spike's hand and reached for the vampire.
"Right. Look, the pup's getting antsy, got to go. See you tomorrow. No--" He pinched Xander, hard, and Xander bit back a squeal. "Tomorrow."
The phone got lost in the press of bodies as Xander touched Spike's waist and pulled him over.