• I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
• Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
• Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
• Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me.

  Good job!

• Are you Andy or Barney?
• I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
• You're not gonna check the trunk are you?
• I pay your salary!
• Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning too!
• Do you know why you pulled me over?

  Okay, just so one of us does.

• I was trying to keep up with traffic.

  Yes, I know there are no other cars around.

  That's how far ahead of me they are.

• When the Officer says

  "Son, Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?"

  You probably shouldn't respond with,

  "Officer, your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating donuts?