You might be a redneck if............

• Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
• The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors
• You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
• You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
• You've ever paid for a 6-pack of beer with pennies.
• The strongest smell in your house is butane.
• You break wind in public and blame it on your kid.
• You vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.
• You think paprika is a Third World country.
• You have a Bud Light pool table light hanging over your dining room table.
• You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
• You roll your hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
• You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
• You ask for all your teeth for Christmas.
• Your 2 year old has more teeth than you do.
• You consider your wife's tattoos moving pictures.
• You keep catfish in your aquarium.
• You bum a dip from your mother.
• You wear a tank top to your mother's funeral.
• Your bridal veil was made of window screen.
• The Marlboro man is your idol.
• You go to a family reunion to meet women.
• You win the lottery and buy a NEW doublewide to live in.
• You were born on a pool table.
• All your favorite shirts came with a two-pack purchase of cigarettes.
• You know more that 10 slang words for "breast."
• Your wife ruins her best dress going coon hunting.
• Your wife has to shave more than you do.
• You mow your front lawn and discover five cars.
• You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
• You call your boss, "dude."
• Your girlfriend lives with her other boyfriend.
• You spend more than two hours at the local garage drinking coffee.
• You were expelled from summer school.
• You think the police can't see you because your truck is painted camouflage.
• You've ever lost your wife in a game of poker.
• Your sewage system consists of a pipe down a hillside.
• Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
• Your Christmas stocking is full of ammo.
• Your wife howls at the moon more than your huntin' dogs.
• You have a sign on your front door explaining house rules and liability.
• You and six of your neighbors split the cable bill.
• You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
• You snorkel in a waterbed.
• Everything you won at the fair is hanging from your rearview mirror.
• Your pickup truck used to be a car.
• Calling your closest neighbor on the phone is long distance.
• You go to a wedding and everyone sits on the same side of the church.
• You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
• You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
• Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
• More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
• Your house gets picked up every week.
• You've ever valet parked a snowplow.
• You think doctorin' involves mamma's sewing kit and a jug.
• Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
• Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.