*Rules That Guys Wished Girls Knew*

• If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
• Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
• Don't cut your hair. Ever.
• Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!
• If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
• Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
• Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.
• Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
• Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
• Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
• Shopping is not sport.
• Anything you wear is fine. Really.
• You have enough clothes.
• You have too many shoes.
• Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
• Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad's way past idiot.
• Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
• No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
• Pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
• Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
• Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
• A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
• Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
• Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
• Check your oil.
• Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
• Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
• It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
• Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
• If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
• If something we said or interpreted made you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
• Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
• Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
• You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - but not both.
• Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
• Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
• Women wearing wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
• Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
• Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
• The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.