MAN and WOMAN
RELATIONSHIPS -RESPONSIBILITIES
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General Background

1. Man’s Origin - Genesis 1:26; “man”, “them”

2. Two kinds of man: male and female; Genesis 1:27

Specific Background

3. Male man created first:1 Corinthians 11:8 & 9; Genesis 2:7

4. Male man’s priority: Ministry - Genesis 2:15 “first”

5. Male man’s “helper” in his ministry is “female man”; Genesis 2:18

6. Origin of “female man”: Genesis 2:21 & 22; 1 Corinthians 11:8 & 9

7. Marriage created by God as an “institution”, NOT a sacrament. Three Aspects:
a. A legal or public ceremony
b. Personal act of consent or commitment (vow, contract)
c. The physical union

8. Rules instituted because of 1st sin:
a. Man should not listen to wife’s voice IF in conflict with God’s Word - Genesis 3:17; 16:2. Christians should not marry an unbeliever - 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.

b. Woman:
1. Punishment of painful childbirth - Genesis 3:16
2. Basic desire should be for husband, not children - Genesis 3:16 (a longing desire)
3. Man to rule over wife in marriage: (rule, govern, have authority, make final decisions. He may choose to hear her opinion on a matter first - Genesis 3:16.
4. Christian is not to marry an unbeliever - 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.
5. Woman not to usurp headship of man - 1 Tiimothy 2:11 & 12...NO E.R.A.

6. Woman’s weaknesses:
a. The weaker vessel - 1 Peter 3:7
b. More easily deceived - 1 Timothy 2:13 & 14; needs leadership.
c. Temporary separation - 1 Corinthians 7:10 & 11 but no divorce


ROLE OF HUSBAND
(Spiritual Head of Wife and Family)
Ephesians 5
1. “Husband is the head of the wife” - vs. 23
2. “Husbands, love (do what’s best) your wives” - vs. 25
3. “Husbands ought to love his own wife as their own body” - vs. 28. No physical abuse.
4. “He who loves his own wife loves himself” - vs. 23
5. “Nourish (bring to maturity) and cherish (be warm to) the wife.” - vs. 25
6. “Love your own wife even as himself.” - vs. 33

Guidelines and Warnings for Husband

1. “Husbands love your wives, and do not be embittered against them.” - Colossians 3:19; NO PORNOGRAPHY - 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7

2. “Live with wives in an understanding way as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman, and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” - 1 Peter 3:7

3. Fulfil sexual duty - 1 Corinthians 7:3

4. Wife has authority (sexually) over his body - 1 Coorinthians 7:4

5. Do not deprive wife (of sex) - 1 Corinthians 7:5


ROLE OF WIFE
(Key virtue: Submission)
Ephesians 5

1. “Be subject to your own husbands.” - vs. 22
2. “...as to the Lord.” Treat husband as the Lord. - vs. 22
3. “Be subject to husbands in everything” (No selective obedience, but full obedience) - vs. 24
4. “And the wife, that she respect (fear) her husband.” - vs. 33 (even if he doesn’t deserve it).
5. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” - Colossians 3:18
6. “Women, love (be friendly) your husbands” and love (be friendly) to children. - Titus 2:4
7. “Sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their husbands so an not to dishonor God’s Word.” - Titus 2:5
8. “Be submissive to your own husbands.” - 1 Peter 3:1(Submissive behavior, chaste, respectful)
9. “Gentle and quiet spirit”. - 1 Peter 3:4
10. Comes from God. - Proverbs 19:14; 12:4
11. Husband has authority (sexually loves wife’s body). - 1 Corinthians 7:4
12. Fulfil sexual duty. - 1 Corinthians 7:3
13. Do not deprive husband of sex. - 1 Corinthians 7:5
14. Bound to husband for life. - 1 Corinthians 7:39
15. Ideal wife - Proverbs 31 - How to behave.

“ABSORPTION” LEVELS or GROWTH LEVELS
OF CHRISTIANS

I. Practicing/disciples - Mature, adolescent, child, growing baby (continuous growth) - Galatians 5:16

II. Non-practicing hearers - Baby/carnal; Actions are like fleshly men. Some knowledge, little or no fruit. Some absorption but only of simplest spiritual things; shallow; still practices deeds of the flesh - Galatians 5:19-21. More than deeds of God - Titus 3:8.

III. Dull - listens, but doesn’t grasp meaning. Doesn’t practice what little he knows - Hebrews 5:11-14; James 1:22. Forgets what has been learned - 2 Peter 1:9 & 10. A spiritually retarded Christian.

1. Not able to be given (by teacher) deep things of Scripture, lack of teachability.
2. Not able to receive deep things of Scripture, lack of capacity (mental/spiritual)
3. Not able to understand deep things of Scripture, lack of discernment.

Constant correction because little or nothing is “sticking” to their mental “tape recorders” - Hebrews 5:12 -“...by this time you ought to be teachers...”; 2 Peter 1:9 - “...having forgotten...”. Nor can they digest what you give them. Until regular habit of (practice of), repentance and confession (self judgment) is established and the desire to change is there, no spiritual progress can be made in their behavior and in their life circumstances.

It makes no difference how naturally smart or dumb a person is, how high his I.Q., intellect or how poor he did in school. When a person is sin-confessed, walking in the Spirit and doing the Word by practical, habitual application, the Holy Spirit will control his or her thinking patterns and produce fruit through them. So there is no excuse for “dullness”. Being dull is a choice, not some kind of physical handicap.

1. Ultimate Ideal: CHRIST.....................and His church: Revelation 19:7-9; Ephesians 5:23-32; 1 Thessalonians 4:17b


Growth Level at Time of Marriage
Same Growth Patterns: Mutual Results

2. MAN: Christian Mature - Human ideal: The imitation of Christ and His Bride Totally submitted to Christ. Head of Wife

WOMAN: Christian Mature - Human Ideal: The ultimate in womanhood: living in imitation of the Bride of Christ. Totally submitted to husband.

Spiritual Balance - Two as One flesh - Reciprocal Compatibility - A Christ-centered Relationship

3. MAN: Christian Growing - Progressing toward ideal. Eager to get there. Learning to submit to Christ more and more. Learns sacrificial love to his wife is more than just a sexual relationship. Learning headship of wife.

WOMAN: Christian Growing - Progressing toward ideal. Eager to get there. Learning to submit to husband more and more. Sees the parallel relationship or her submission to her husband as a reflection of her submission to the Lord. Learning to trust husband as he assumes headship

Increasing bond of love, but Problems. In the end, learn to deal with problems scripturally. Desire to grow dominates all areas. Hopeful. Rejoices at each new grace God gives in growth process.

4. MAN - Christian Carnal - (baby, immature) Marriage started out basically for sex, peer group pressures, macho, etc.

WOMAN - Christian Carnal - (baby, immature) Marriage may have started out for sex, or for security, or because of unresolved, personal problems.

Disputes, struggle for leadership, lack of submission (man to Lord, woman to man) sinning against each other. Mostly a “horizontal” relationship with occasional vertical prayer for help. They are first coming to identify the problems and the sin weaknesses in each other. With the desire to grow and the other formation of new habits of self-judgment and confession, things SLOWLY begin to change.


Mixed Christian Growth Patterns

5. MAN - Christian Mature - (Same as #2)

WOMAN - Christian Growing - Working to complete ideal. Asks husband questions. Wants to be his spiritual equal. Has seen fruit in previous growth. Wants to close the “gap”. (Same as #3)

6. MAN - Christian Growing - (Same as #2) Learning headship. Listens to wife if input is biblical. When he doesn’t, he quickly sees the error in his judgment.

WOMAN - 6. (Same as #2) But because headship in husband is not fully developed, and because he generally listens to her, her greatest temptation is to try to assume his headship in his weak moments. Sometimes difficult for her while she patiently waits for him to “catch up”, and/or to allow him to make mistakes while he is completing his development of headship.

A very good relationship. However, the wife’s attitude must be “guarded” with no intent to usurp his authority or to authoritatively teach him. She may teach other women or children but within the confines of her husband’s headship in everything.

7. MAN - Christian Carnal - (Same as #4) If he decided to finally walk regularly in the Spirit, then changes can take place.

WOMAN - Christian Mature - She is the key to changing things in their relationship by using and sticking to 1 Peter 3:1-6. She will need the patience of Job. Why did she marry him? Was she so backslidden at the time? If carnal husband doesn’t change, she might begin to go carnal or lead to separation.

A very stressful relationship. Spiritually incompatible. May have married him on impulse. A rare combination. If he decides not to grow and continues in carnality, then serious problems can arise.


8. MAN - Christian Mature - (Same as #2) If he can maintain his patience, and if she listens and gradually submits, the marriage might move into the #3 and #4 levels. If she does not submit and does not grow, then difficult times and many problems could take place. See #4 for possible problems. If he weakens, he might compromise, or backslide. But the pressure could actually help him become stronger if he sees himself as the suffering Christ.

WOMAN - Christian Carnal - If she is a new Christian and desires to grow the outlook could be positive. If she resents her husband’s use of the Scriptures all the time to show why he believes as he does, problems could develop. This is a shaky, variable relationship since we all know as Christians that not every Christian has Christ as Lord or is fully submitted to Him, many do not want to be disciples. Some are dead faith Christians, hearing but not doing. Others are defeated, undiscipled, unteachable, desire to remain dull, and deny Christ (marriage) by their actions.

A very stressful relationship for both because of spiritual gap in growth levels. Yet this is precisely the relationship Christ has to His Church when we all become “baby” Christians. This relationship can present all the progressive growth aspects in our own growth towards the fullness of the maturity and stature of Christ - Ephesians 4:13. It can also go in the other direction revealing all the defects, weaknesses and resistances seen today in the endtime, Laodicean church.

Mutual Results

9. MAN - Christian Carnal - Depends if he is hungry for the word or for the flesh and the world. No doubt, Satan will try to keep him in bondage if possible.

WOMAN - Christian Growing - If she uses 1 Peter 3:1-6, and he desires to finally start to grow, things could change. Her temptation is to possibly assume spiritual leadership or in weak moments to become a “nag” because of his carnality. If she walks in the Spirit, she will be praying a lot for his immaturity.

Very difficult on the woman to maintain her growth. Depends if he allows her or hassles her. Reason: She is the weaker vessel and his fleshly behavior could be repugnant to her.

10. MAN - Christian Growing - Learning headship. With his little bit of knowledge he must be careful in HOW he applies it and when. She might not be ready yet to receive it - 1 Corinthians 3:2

WOMAN - Christian Carnal - Has to learn basic submission and get into the word. If her desire is to grow as a new born Christian and if she is obedient, things could start improving in relationship.

Need for establishment of leadership of husband. Relationship will depend on whether she wants to grow or stay status quo. The more he grows, the worse if gets if she entrenches.


PERMISSIBLE MIXTURES OF SAVED AND UNSAVED
IN MARRIAGES
1 Corinthians 7:12-16 - of unsaved who became Christians while married to another unsaved individual

11. MAN - (Convert) Christian Carnal (if he stays carnal) Probably compromised, no fruit. Fears of divorce if he pushes his beliefs. No separation from previous sin patterns. No apparent change in behavior going on.

WOMAN - UNSAVED - Will probably think him a fanatic if he talks about Christ too much. (What she really needs is the gospel, if she will accept it, but then she might not.) 1 Corinthians 7:16

Problematic marriage. Fleshly. He might be the head or might not be the head of the family. Possible dual leadership (or confusion). “Let’s not rock the boat!”


12. MAN - (Convert) Christian Growing Learning leadership but is she responding?

WOMAN - UNSAVED - Depends on unsaved. Could be shaky with increasing problems as she senses changes in him she can’t understand - 1 Corinthians 3:14, or might lead to conversion if he has given her a clear gospel and she is pleased with the changes she sees in him.

Could be the eye of a hurricane depending on which way she chooses to go.


13. MAN - (Convert) Christian Mature - While this marriage may seem wonderful on the outside, the man suffers great pain, because he knows that she is not saved and desires to see her saved, and yet she stops short. The unpredictability of the unsaved partner is a humbling experience and the threat of divorce is always a possibility if things sour.

WOMAN - UNSAVED - Can work as a marriage only as long as she consents to live with him. By consent, it is meant to give hearty approval or agreement to remain with him. The idea here is that she is willing to submit to his headship, but stops short of conversion.

An amiable relationship as long as they live, as long as she “consents”. There is always the possibility that she might not consent to her husband’s new outlook and obedience to the Scriptures, and could try to hinder his walk. If she goes sour, she might use sex as a blackmail or worse, decide to leave and divorce - 1 Corinthians 7:15.

14. MAN - UNSAVED - He may or may not allow her to go to a different church.

WOMAN - (Convert) Christian Carnal - Might be same as #11 (MAN) Her number one duty is submission to a man who might not be reasonable, and her second duty is to wait for an opening to share the gospel (but not to nag him about it).

Generally, things go on in their lives “as usual”. She may compromise some things to “keep the peace”.


PERMISSIBLE MIXED MARRIAGES OF SAVED (Converts)
and UNSAVED MATES

15. MAN - UNSAVED - Might be suspicious of his wife’s changing behavior, or might be coming under conviction.

WOMAN - (Convert) Christian Growing - Although there is no guarantee of converting him (1 Corinthians 7:16), she could use the principle of 1 Peter 3:1-6 as a guide of how to change her own behavior to please the Lord. Submission again is the difficult area. She is not to divorce her husband (1 Corinthians 7:13) just because he is not a Christian.

By now he is aware that his wife is changing, but lacking spiritual discernment, he can’t reason it out. Sometimes this is the period when she finally is able to coax him to go to a bible study or church service. Sometimes he gets saved at this point.


16. MAN - UNSAVED - No spiritual interest.

WOMAN - (Convert) Christian Mature - Must be a woman of enormous faith. Yet, 1 Corinthians 7:16 says that there is no way to know if he will convert...and he might not.

Although it must exist in theory, I have never seen such a relationship and know of none. No doubt there must be blessings as well as problems, and great personal suffering for this wife who loves her husband, has done everything right, and yet she sees no response.


NON-PERMISSIBLE MARRIAGES IN SCRIPTURE
2 Corinthians 6:14-18

RELATIONSHIP AT TIME OF ENTERING MARRIAGE

17. MAN - Christian Carnal

WOMAN - UNSAVED

18. MAN - Christian Growing

WOMAN - UNSAVED

19. MAN - Christian Mature (backslidden)

WOMAN - UNSAVED

20. MAN - UNSAVED

WOMAN - Christian Carnal

21. MAN - UNSAVED

WOMAN - Christian Growing

22. MAN - UNSAVED

WOMAN - Christian Mature (backslidden)

If God is true to His word (and He is), then possible chastisement may be brought to bear on these relationships. Problems and possible divorce.

23. Special problems exist when a believer, usually a new Christian, marries an unbeliever IN IGNORANCE of the Scriptural prohibition; possibly an elopement, hasty marriage at Clerk of Court, Justice of the Peace, Reno “quickie” marriage. God’s sovereignty takes over in sins of ignorance. If marriage prohibition is KNOWN at the time of marriage, then chastisement will follow.

24. When a believer tries to divorce another believer for a non-biblical reason, then succeeds, and then gets re-married, we have a case of adultery on the marrying believer and possible chastisement.

25. Special problem exists when the Christian marries a mate who SAYS they are a Christian and deceives them into thinking that they are, and later are found out to be an unbeliever.


UNMARRIED RELATIONSHIPS
Permissible by Scripture

26. All brothers and sisters in Christ, who desire to please God, and choose to remain single and unmarried as a lifetime choice must abstain from fornication and any other kind of sexual outlets. The Scriptures permit the brethren to live godly in their single state, even having Christian brothers and sisters as friends, but the sexual exclusion is God’s requirement for them. However, the Bible does not forbid marriage to singles if they change their mind later and get married.

The single state is a preferred state, according to the Scriptures, if one has the gift of it. (1 Corinthians 7:7). The Scriptures clearly read that singles are more concerned about the things of the Lord. This presumes that singles are able to minister with less burdens and distractions than “marrieds”. Paul is the perfect example of this kind of person and the Scriptures reveal the fruit of his ministry. 1 Corinthians 7:32 reveals that MEN, in the single state, can minister with greater concern and without divided interests. Likewise 1 Corinthians 7:34 reveals also that women can minister with greater concern and without divided interests than married women. The Scriptures clearly say that the securing of undistracted devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:35) is best achieved in the single Christian life. Yet most missionary societies prefer “marrieds” for field work, with singles allowed when they can be used. Some missionary societies only want “marrieds”. In that case, Paul the Apostle, would not have been eligible for missionary work.


UNMARRIED RELATIONSHIPS
NOT Biblically Permissible

27. Common Law Marriage - Means that if an unmarried man and an unmarried woman habitually fornicate with each other over a long enough period of time, the state in which they live might accept such a fornicating relationship to be recognized by the state as a “common law” marriage. The states that allow this arrangement, do it to protect the children that result from such illicit unions.

The State of Wisconsin DOES NOT RECOGNIZE such marriages. The Scriptures are clear on fornication. To the Christian they are to flee from fornication (1 Corinthians 6:18). Any law passed by any legal body that fits under Romans 13:1-5, that is in conflict with the Bible commands, just NOT be obeyed by the Christian. In other words, we are to obey God’s laws which supercede men’s laws.


UNMARRIED RELATIONSHIPS

FORNICATION

28. MAN - Christian Carnal -

WOMAN - UNSAAVED or another Christian

Walking in the flesh; might not know Bible


29. MAN - Christian Growing

WOMAN - UNSAVED or another Christian

Usually great, spiritual struggle going on.


30. MAN - Christian Mature

WOMAN - UNSAVED or another Christian

Backslidden, possibly shipwrecked


31. MAN - UNSAVED or another Christian

WOMAN - Christian Carnal - (Same as #28)

32. MAN - UNSAVED or another Christian

WOMAN - Christian Growing - (Same as #29)

33. MAN - UNSAVED or another Christian

WOMAN - Christian Mature - (Same as #30

Much depends on whether single instance or practice of fornication is going on, as to effect on growth and as to chastisement of the sinning saint (Christian).


OTHER FORBIDDEN RELATIONSHIPS
Sexual

34. Child sex (outside of marriage) - some states waive the adult age and allow child marriages with parental consent.

35. Homosexual and lesbian relationships (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13)

36. Adulterous relationships (Exodus 20:14; Deuteronomy 22:22; Leviticus 18:20)

37. Incest relationships (Leviticus 18:6-19)

38. Beastial relationships (Exodus 22:19)

39. What about marriages between two unbelievers? (As defined by the bible only) Since unbelievers are outside the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world, aliens and living in the domain of darkness (Ephesians 2:12-19; Colossians 1:18), nothing can be done for their marriage relationship until they FIRST are evangelized and accept the Gospel. Then, true counseling can begin.


ADDENDA

Some after-thoughts. It is good not to have along engagement, once marriage is decided upon and the mate is well-understood. It is not good to meet someone on Monday and then get married on Tuesday. An old (non-biblical) proverb mother used to tell me was: “Marry in haste, repent at your leisure”.

Perhaps we should reread Genesis 24 again to see what God’s method with Isaac and Rebekah was. This is one of the most beautiful love stories in Scripture. Times were different then, but maybe they had something we don’t have.

*Isaac was first 40 years of age before he tied the knot. Genesis 25:2

*His father arranged the marriage. Genesis 24:4

*She had to be a Christian willing to follow and submit to authority. Genesis 24:5, 6, 39;
Genesis 25:22

*She was appointed by God to be Isaac’s wife. Genesis 24:14

*She had to be a virgin. Genesis 24:16

*She had to be willing to get married. Genesis 24:57 & 58

*She had parental blessing on the union. Genesis 24:55 & 60

*He had to be a man favored of God. Genesis 24:40 & 48

*He introduced her to his mother. Genesis 24:67

*She accepted him and contracted him as her husband. Genesis 24:67

*He then loved her. Genesis 24:67

*It does not appear that they ever had an engagement period, but a betrothal may have
happened.


STUDY QUESTIONS

  1. In which category from#2 to #39 are YOU in? Be honest.

2) In which category do you think your husband / wife is in? Your marriage is #?

3) Compare the number that you select and your married spouse selects. Are they the same? Different? How different?

4) Do you now understand how difficult it is to counsel marriages because of these many differentials?

5) Have you learned what growth level you are at? Do you know what growth level you are at?
6) Are you sure you are not deceiving yourself in picking the level you think you are at?

7) What can you and your mate, (or your girlfriend / boyfriend) do to improve your relationship and make it more pleasing to God?


If you have questions or you are interested in other booklets available on various subjects, please contact us using the information below. If you prefer, you may also download or print any of the booklets listed on this site. May God bless you as you seek the truth from His Holy Word.

GOOD NEWS BIBLE CHURCH
718 Riverspring Dr.; Prentice, WI 54556
(715) 428-2075

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