SPANK: Oxford Dictionary - the act or an instance of slapping, especially on the buttocks as a punishment for children.

DISCIPLINE: Oxford Dictionary - noun:

(1a) a control or order exercised over people or animals

(1b) the system of rules used to maintain this control

(2a) a mental, moral or physical training

(2b) adversity as used to bring about such training

(3) a branch of instruction or learning

(4) punishment

DISCIPLINE: Oxford Dictionary - verb:

(1) punish, chastise

(2) bring under control by training in obedience

In the world's medical and sociological community, there is much controversy and opinion as to how children should be disciplined. For a Christian, however, God's Word is clear. There is no confusion whatsoever. Unfortunately, most true Christians have not sought out God's infallible counsel and instruction. Rather, they listen to fallible "experts" (psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, support groups) and ungodly counsel instead. If counsel is not based on God's principles and then applied in a godly manner, the outcome will not be moral, obedient, considerate and responsible children regardless of the sincere and well meant intentions of the counselors.

So, just how should parents discipline their children? Should they spank them or will that encourage them to become violent as they grow, which is what the "experts" say? Should parents refrain from spanking and punishing and choose to discuss and reason with their children instead, or would that risk not having them gain a clear understanding of right and wrong? Let's go to the only source of true wisdom: God's Holy Bible.

There are those who say, "Times have changed", and they are correct. I hasten to add though, people and God have certainly not changed. In fact, God says He "is the same yesterday and today, yes and forever" (Hebrews 13:8).

Let's see how God Himself disciplines by starting at the beginning.

In Genesis 1:26, God creates the first man, Adam. In Genesis 2:16 & 17, God gives Adam the only rule or law he was to obey; "but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat...". Then Genesis 2:21-23 explains how God created woman from man. Yet, already in Chapter 3 of Genesis, verses 6-7, Adam and Eve chose to disobey God. They had only one rule to obey and they didn't even do that. Not only did they disobey, they tried to blame someone else for it. Adam tried to shift the blame to God for giving him Eve and to Eve for giving him the fruit (Genesis 3:12). Eve blamed the serpent (3:13).

Now did God say, "That's alright. Maybe you didn't really understand what I said." Or "Maybe you were tired and not feeling well." Is that what God said? Or maybe the conversation went something like this: "I told you not to do that! Why don't you ever listen?! Now, get over there by that tree and stand there! When your `Time Out' is over I'll let you know!"

Now, isn't that ridiculous? The truth is, it's just as ridiculous when a parent says it to his or her child. If it weren't so sad it would be humorous, but worst of all, it accomplishes absolutely nothing.

So, just how did God punish Adam and Eve? Genesis 3:16-19 gives us the answer:

16 - "To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, In pain you shall bring forth children; Yet your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you."

17 - "Then to Adam He said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, `You shall not eat from it'; Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life."

18 - "Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you; And you shall eat the plants of the field;"

19 - "By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, Till you return to the ground, Because from it you were taken; For you are dust, and to dust you shall return."

To the woman, (Eve) God multiplied pain in childbirth and would not allow her to have authority over her husband even though she would have a strong desire to do so. To the man, (Adam) weeds would now grow and he would have to work hard to provide for his needs. Both of them also forfeited their home in the lush and perfect Garden of Eden.

Genesis 3:23 & 24 - "therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken. So He drove the man out; and at the east of the garden of Eden He stationed the cherubim, and the flaming sword which turned every direction, to guard the way to the tree of life."

Sin was realized and spiritual separation from God began. To this day, each of us experiences the consequences of Adam and Eve's one wrong choice to disobey.

Look in the Book of Numbers, Chapter 16. Here is the true account of a man named Korah, a Levitical priest. Korah grumbled about the authority God had given to Moses He and led the rebellion of the Israelites against him (vs. 3). For his grumbling and rebelliousness, God punished (disciplined) Korah, his entire family, those who supported Korah in his rebellion, and THEIR entire families. He opened the earth beneath them and then closed it over them after they had been swallowed alive (vss. 31-33). His sin? Grumbling and a rebellious attitude. His discipline? Immediate death.

Let us also turn to the Book of Acts for another example of God's discipline. In Chapter 4, vss. 32-37, believers would sell their homes and/or land and bring the profit to the disciples to be distributed among the needy. In Acts 5:1 & 2, Ananias and his wife Sapphira did likewise. They, however, kept some of the profit for themselves and only brought part of the profit to the disciples. Ananias' sin? Deceit and lying. God's discipline? Ananias died where he stood.

The story doesn't end here, however. After about three hours of waiting, Sapphira, not knowing what had become of her husband, came in. Peter questioned her as to the price of the land they had sold. She lied, and like her husband before her, she fell where she stood and breathed her last. Her sin? Lying and deceitfulness. God's discipline? Immediate death. The result? Fear by the whole church (vs. 11).

Another example of God's discipline is the story of Jonah. God told Jonah to go to Ninevah to warn the people of impending judgment (discipline) against their wickedness. Jonah, being stubborn and rebellious, attempted to flee to Tarshish instead, thinking he could hide from the Lord (Jonah 1:1 & 2). Jonah boarded the ship in Joppa and while out to sea, God caused a great storm. The ship was in jeopardy of sinking (vss. 3-11). The crew, in trying to save their ship and their own lives, threw Jonah overboard into the sea (vss. 12-15). It was then that God caused a great fish to swallow Jonah and it was in the belly of the fish that Jonah spent the next three days (vs. 17).

Only AFTER those three days inside the fish (discipline from God), did Jonah pray and beg God for help. It was only AFTER Jonah changed his stubborn, rebellious attitude that God relinquished (vs. 10). When God gave Jonah the same instructions a second time, Jonah obeyed and the entire city of Ninevah turned from their wickedness. Jonah's sin? Stubbornness and rebelliousness. God's discipline? Severe physical and emotional hardship. The result? Jonah's obedience and Ninevah's wickedness forsaken.

In 2 Samuel 6:1-6, specially designated Israelite men were told to carry the Ark of the Covenant, but not to touch it. They had designed rings attached to the outside of it and then used long poles that slid inside of the rings. On one occasion, the Ark began to tip. One of the Israelite's, Uzzah, "reached out and took hold of it". The Lord was true to His word and struck Uzzah dead (vs. 6 & 7). Regardless of the good intent of Uzzah, he had still disobeyed God. Uzzah's sin? Irreverence to God. God's discipline? Immediate death. The result? David's fear of God and motivation to obey in the future.

The constant theme of discipline runs true throughout the Bible. God is a God of order. He first gives the instructions, then the warnings of the consequences of disobedience and finally, following through when people did not obey. God's discipline was swift, severe (by our standards) and always consistent. (Read the Book of Judges for repeated examples of that.) God expects no less from parents.

There are many examples of God's discipline both to believers and to unbelievers. (To read of more examples, look at David in 2 Samuel 11:1-12 & 23; Eli in 1 Samuel 2:12-36; Nebechadnezzar in Daniel 4:28-37; People in Sodom and Gohmorrah in Genesis 18:20-19:25; Pharoah and his army in Exodus 13:17-14:31; Moses in Numbers 20:6-12. These people were loved and used by God in tremendous ways, yet they still incurred discipline from God when they disobeyed.

Now that you have seen how God views disobedience and how He disciplines because of it, how are we to apply that godly discipline to our own lives?

Not only does He speak to parents from His Holy Word about disciplining their children, He also gives numerous warnings to children about why they need to obey and what blessings they can expect to receive for their obedience.

Turn to Proverbs where we will concentrate on this aspect of discipline.

In the Ryrie Study Bible, the Introduction to the Book of Proverbs states: "Though the theme running throughout the book is wisdom for living, the specific teachings include instruction on folly, sin, goodness, wealth, poverty, the tongue, pride, humility, justice, vengeance, strife, gluttony, love, lust, laziness, friends, the family, life, and death. Almost every facet of human relationships is mentioned, and the teaching of the book is applicable to all men everywhere."

The Hebrew word for "proverb" means comparison. This book of comparison instructs adults and children alike, how to live a godly, responsible and moral life based on the principles of God. Since God cannot lie, these principles, if followed, will bear blessings as the result.

First of all, Proverbs 1:2-7 begins by showing the Christian the purpose and theme which is "to know wisdom and instruction".

vs. 2 - To know wisdom and instruction, To discern the sayings of understanding.

vs. 3 - To receive instruction in wise behavior, Righteousness, justice and equity;

vs. 4 - To give prudence to the naive, To the youth knowledge and discretion,

vs. 5 - A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel,

vs. 6 - To understand a proverb and a figure (principle), The words of the wise and their riddles.

vs. 7 - The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.

God speaks of righteousness, discernment and understanding. This, in turn, brings me to the PURPOSE of discipline.

How many times have you heard of or used the phrase "foolish child"? The Oxford Dictionary, in its definition of the word "fool" states it is a "a person who acts unwisely or imprudently". Already in Proverbs 1:7, God uses the word "fool". Now, keep in mind, this study is not meant to demean anyone, especially precious children. The fact is however, children are fools. Example: Very young children will grasp any object they can get their hands on. Picturing that, answer this question. Where is that object put once they have it? Almost immediately, it will go right into their mouth.

Have you heard the phrase "out of the mouths of babes"? That's because young children will also repeat what they've heard, or say exactly what they think, without thinking twice about it, regardless of how offensive or offending it may be to you or anyone else.

They also have no concept of danger, neither to themselves nor others. Nor do they have a cemented understanding of right or wrong. They are not stupid, but they are ignorant and unlearned. Therefore, the word "fool" applies.

They are innocent and unknowing. That is exactly why we adults smile with understanding when a foolish child is afraid of a vacuum cleaner, or slaps at the television screen when the image of a puppy appears. They will smear peanut butter in their hair, play in the toilet and cry when mommy leaves the room. Should a grown adult do those same things, those watching would not be so amused or tolerant of such behavior. Basically, we parents "give children slack".

In 1 Corinthians 13:11, Paul states: "When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things."

There is to be a progression toward growth and maturity, and it is up to parents to initiate and continue that growth with godly instruction and biblical discipline.

Later in Chapter 1 of Proverbs, verse 22 says, "...scoffers delight themselves in scoffing, And fools hate knowledge". Now let's cross-reference that with verse 29 of the same chapter: "Because they (fools) hated knowledge, and they did not choose the fear of the Lord."

Without proper discipline, children will not gain a clear understanding of right or wrong. Without biblical principles to base their decisions on, they will CHOOSE wrongly and then they will neither accept the responsibility nor the consequences of their actions. Unfortunately, for them and those around them, they will grow up with a "no fear" attitude. They'll have no respect for ANY form of authority whether it be parents, judges, the police or ultimately, Almighty God Himself. Their sole and self-appointed authority will be themselves.

Proverbs 9:10 says: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." In other words, if anyone (even a child) doesn't fear the Lord, they haven't even BEGUN to gain wisdom. Fear of authority is what initiates and motivates knowledge.

Proverbs 2:1-12 continues with the theme of wisdom and explains the "why" and "how-to" of further maturity.

vs. 1 - "My son, if you will receive my sayings (take note of the CHOICE denoted here in the word 'IF'), And treasure my commandments within you,"

vs. 2 - "Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding;"

vs. 3 - "For if you cry for discernment, Lift your voice for understanding;"

vs. 4 - "If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures;"

vs. 5 - "Then you will discern the fear of the Lord, And discover the knowledge of God."

vs. 6 - "For the Lord gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding."

vs. 7 - "He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity,"

vs. 8 - "Guarding the paths of justice, And He preserves the way of His godly ones."

vs. 9 - "Then you will discern righteousness and justice, And equity and every good course."

vs. 10 - "For wisdom will enter your heart, And knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;"

vs. 11 - "Discretion will guard you, Understanding will watch over you,"

vs. 12 - "To deliver you from the way of evil, From the man who speaks perverse things;"

Verses 1-4 particularly tell how to find wisdom and understanding while discernment and knowledge are mentioned in verse 5.

Proverbs, Chapter 3 begins as Chapter 2 did.

vs. 1 - "My son, do not forget my teaching..."

The first two words are "My son". God again reiterates the importance of gaining wisdom and states some of the blessings that come with it.

In Chapter 4, God deems wisdom so important that He can't emphasize enough the imperative urgency with which we are to heed His teaching. This principle also applies to children and is to be the example of how they are to respond to the instruction and discipline of their parents.

vs. 1 - "Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, And give attention that you may gain understanding,"

vs. 2 - "For I give you sound teaching; Do not abandon my instruction."

vs. 5 - "Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth."

vs. 7 - "The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding."

vs. 10 - "Hear, my son, and accept my sayings, And the years of your life will be many."

vs. 13 - "Take hold of instruction; do not let go. Guard her, for she is your life."

vs. 20 - "My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings."

In Proverbs 4:10, God reminded His children of His promise to give a long life to a child who was obedient.

God also included good health in that promise in vs. 22.

Proverbs 4:22 - "For they are life to those who find them, And health to all their whole body."

Then in verse 26; guidance.

Proverbs 4:26 - "Watch the path of your feet, And all your ways will be established."

Proverbs 5:21-23 warns parents of the consequences of negligent instruction and discipline. How many parents have anguished over their child's pain and suffering, or mourned their death because of that child's foolish decision or irresponsible behavior; maybe playing with matches or, when older, drinking and driving? "For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, And He watches all his paths. His own iniquities will capture the wicked, And he will be held with the cords of his sin. He will die for lack of instruction, And in the greatness of his folly he will go astray."

Read verse 23 again: "He will die for lack of instruction, And in the greatness of his folly he will go astray."

Now turn to Proverbs 19:18: "Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death." The word "discipline" here is "yasar" (Hebrew) and it means to "chasten or admonish". Discipline is a large part of instruction. Without godly, biblical discipline, correct instruction is lacking. Proverbs 6:23 says, "For the commandment is a lamp, and the teaching is light; And reproofs (rebuke) for discipline are the way of life."

Proverbs 10:1 tells the parents what the results of both a wise son (gladness) and a foolish son (grief) will be. "...A wise son makes a father glad, But a foolish son is a grief to his mother."

If you've ever seen a mother at a checkout in a grocery store line with an angry, demanding child in tow, you've also seen the embarrassment, total frustration and complete humiliation on that mother's face. She is grieved by the behavior of her child and is absolute proof, to those watching, that what God's Word says is true.

Now, Proverbs 12:1 tells that those who love knowledge, also love discipline. Here the Hebrew word is "musar", meaning chastening, correction, chastize, instruction, punishment and reproof. "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, But he who hates reproof is stupid."

Now, why would anyone love discipline? Because when someone has an attitude of wanting to do what's right, they realize that discipline is a means of motivation to do just that. It urges someone on if they begin to leave the path of righteousness and it shows them where the boundaries and limits are. It reminds them of the consequences of wrong behavior and leaves no doubt about their own responsibility and accountability before God and people.

Strong discipline is absolutely necessary to bring children from foolishness to maturity, no matter what age. They have much to learn in a very short time and God expects and even requires them to "grow up" within that time.

Proverbs 13:1 again repeats the same lesson. "A wise son ACCEPTS his father's discipline, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke."

This "son" accepts, by choice, his father's discipline. He is wise enough to admit he's done something wrong and he willingly takes responsibility for his actions and knows it is best for him.

Hebrews 12:11 - "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

God speaks to parents concerning HOW to discipline their children as well. Proverbs 13:24 and says, "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently".

It's the love that a parent has for his children that will motivate him to "diligently" discipline them. [diligently - "shachar" in Hebrew means "to look early"] The idea here is to "head off trouble". It is to be "on your toes", to "watch for", or to "be on your guard". Don't repeatedly warn your child of future or impending punishment. DO IT!!!

A mother might say, "You just wait til your father gets home!" OR "If you do that one more time...", and your threats continue as your voice becomes louder and louder. Yada, Yada, Yada. Well, Mom. They've already done it once. How many times do they have to disobey before you're going to be inconvenienced enough and follow through on what you threatened? God punished after the first time. Why haven't you?

Are you now going to disobey God yourself by continuing to make empty threats? When will you see the grave error that you yourself are making? Remember, God's discipline was swift and immediate. Are we as parents to do less?

God wants us to follow Him even though we will not always enjoy what He requires of us. God disciplines Christians because of His love for us. He wants to deter us from making even more costly, wrong decisions in the future.

Proverbs 3:11 & 12 - "My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord, Or loathe His reproof, For whom the Lord loves He reproves, Even as a father, the son in whom he delights."

We are to follow His lead by loving and disciplining our children in the same way to protect them from both physical and spiritual harm.

Proverbs 15:31-33 - "He whose ear listens to the life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise. He who neglects discipline despises himself, but he who listens to reproof acquires understanding. The fear of the Lord is the instruction for wisdom, and before honor comes humility."

God is a patient and compassionate God, but He will not tolerate sin, and noncompliance is sin. Therefore, we as parents had better not tolerate it either; neither from our children, nor from ourselves. How will our children learn to fear an Almighty God if they don't even fear their parents? Remember: "Fear is the BEGINNING of wisdom".

Proverbs 15:10 - "Stern discipline is for him who forsakes the way; He who hates reproof will die." Will DIE? Yes, physical death. All of us will eventually die, yes; but just as God has told of long life to an obedient child:

Proverbs 3:1 & 2 - "My son, do not forget my teaching, But let your heart keep my commandments; For length of days and years of life, And peace they will add to you."

Proverbs 4:10 - "Hear, my son, and accept my sayings, And the years of your life will be many."

Proverbs 4:22 - "For they are life to those who find them, And health to all their whole body."

Proverbs 7:1 & 2 - "My son, keep my words, And treasure my commandments within you. Keep my commandments and live, And my teaching as the apple of your eye."

...He also warns of a short one for a disobedient child:

Proverbs 10:27 - "The fear of the Lord prolongs life, But the years of the wicked will be shortened."

Psalms 55:23b - "But Thou, O God, wilt bring them down to the pit of destruction; Men of bloodshed and deceit will not live out half their days. But I will trust in Thee."

A rebellious, stubborn, obstinate child, without diligent and stern discipline, will grow up to be a rebellious, stubborn, obstinate adult.

Is it any surprise that since the attitude of society has changed as to what discipline is and is not, how and when to administer it, and who's responsibility it is to do the disciplining, that the world has become so lawless and chaotic? No longer is there any godly discipline in public schools, in the court systems or even in our own homes. The prisons are brimming over with convicts because the law no longer has the authority it once did nor do parents fulfill their roles in administering diligent, godly discipline in their homes. The lack of godly, stern discipline, both in the recent past and the present, have resulted in no fear or respect for authority.

Proverbs 15:5 - "A fool rejects his father's discipline, But he who regards reproof is prudent."

Now that we've seen when to discipline, what is the method God tells us as parents to use? Time Outs? Standing in the corner? How about sending the disobedient child to his room? Taking privileges away always works, right? Just what does God tell parents to do?

Actually, God is very specific about how to discipline children. Most, however, don't look in His Word to find out what He has to say. Ironically enough, God tells us to "spank" them; that horrible unspoken word; the one that everyone knows the definition of but nobody wants to do. In fact, just to be certain there is no misunderstanding, the official definition from the Oxford Dictionary is to "spank" - "slap, esp. on the buttocks". The word "spanking" is defined as "the act or an instance of slapping, esp. on the buttocks as a punishment for children."

Now, I know you're saying to yourself, "I've never seen the word `spank' in the bible." You're exactly right! It's not in there; and neither are the words `bible', `trinity' or `Christmas'. So before you close your mind to God's teaching, let me show you what God says.

Look at Proverbs 22:15 - "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him." Note especially the phrase "the rod of discipline will...". The word "shebet" is the Hebrew word for "rod". It is a staff or club and it is used for correction. Also notice in this verse the word "will". God is perfect and cannot lie. It's God who says, "the rod" (staff or club) "of discipline" (`musar' in Hebrew - chastening, correction, instruction, punishment, reproof, warning) "WILL remove it" (foolishness) "far from him." It works!!! There's not an "expert" in this world who can give that kind of assurance. (Have you ever noticed how, when giving counsel, the "experts" begin most of their sentences with "I think" this or "I think" that? If they were "thinking" at all, they would counsel others to do things God's way.) Now compare what they "think" to God who KNOWS.

Has your child ever tried to keep you out of "his" room? Many today say a child needs his "space". So, do you have a "right" to enter "his" room, especially when he's not there? God says not only do you have a "right", you have a responsibility! How can you possibly be "on the alert" for trouble areas if you accept the false idea that it really IS "his" room? That room is only occupied by that child at any given time because YOU pay the expense of owning or renting it. It is only on "loan" to them until they are old enough, adult enough, and financially secure enough to pay for another room somewhere else. An obedient and wise child won't have a problem with you entering "his" room whether he's there or away. The reason being, he simply has nothing to hide.

Go to Proverbs 29:15. It says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother." The rod (staff or club) brings wisdom. The child will gain the wisdom to know that disobedience brings consequences. It's a fact of life and a necessary lesson to learn.

If a child doesn't learn that lesson when he's young, he will not realize when he's older that if he doesn't work to support himself and his family, there will be no benefits such as a home, food, heat or lights. If he doesn't obey traffic laws, the consequences will be, at the least, a hefty fine. It could mean paying higher car insurance, a damaged vehicle, or possibly even serious injury or death to himself or someone he loves.

There are consequences for every wrong decision made whether it's telling Daddy `no' or stealing a car. There are also rewards and benefits for correct decisions. Maybe they'll get a story read to them because they picked up their toys when told to. Maybe your child will earn a college scholarship because he seriously studies hard in school. We as parents are to teach that principle to our children. Correct attitudes and behavior earn rewards while bad attitudes and behavior earn punishment. Without learning this very basic lesson early, our children will go through life believing the world owes them and they can do whatever they want to, whenever they want to, to whomever they want to, regardless of the cost.

God says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) The teaching here is this: If you train a child in the way the child wants to go, he will not change his attitude, his behavior, nor his thinking when he is older. In other words, if he repeatedly gets his way when he is young, he will expect to get it when he is older. It's evidence of the principle I stated earlier - A rebellious, stubborn, obstinate child, without stern discipline, will grow up to be a rebellious, stubborn, obstinate adult. That child will become prideful thinking everyone owes him everything and that he's such a terrific person, he deserves it. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

With this prideful attitude, where is there room for the humility the Lord tells us to have?

Proverbs 16:5 - "Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord; Assuredly, he will not be unpunished."

1 Peter 5:5 & 6 - "You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,"

James 4:6 - "But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, 'God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.'"

Proverbs 15:33 - "The fear of the Lord is the instruction for wisdom, And before honor comes humility."

The child who is not humble will have many troubling times ahead.

If you were taking note of the examples sited earlier in this study, you will have seen that most of those people mentioned had a rebellious and stubborn attitude. They're disobedient behavior followed their ungodly attitude. Notice also that they were disciplined as much for their rebellious attitude as they were for their actions. Children, in the same way, need to be disciplined for their ungodly attitude as well.

1 Samuel 15:23 - "For rebellion is as the sin of divination, And insubordination is as iniquity and idolatry."

Remember, the actions and bad behavior follow a rebellious and noncompliant attitude. Remember also, we are to discipline "diligently", to head off trouble; to stomp it out before it escalates. A bad attitude is like a small burning match. Once given the opportunity, it will cause a raging, uncontrolled forest fire.

Read Proverbs 26:3. "A whip is for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the back of fools."

Is there any doubt as to what God expects of us in this verse? Now continue reading verses 4 & 5; "...lest he be wise in his own eyes." Cross-reference that with verse 12; "Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than him."

If we don't spank, that child will grow in the understanding that his disobedience is not a serious offense; no big deal; so what?! No serious offense, no serious discipline, no serious consequences, no fear, no wisdom, and the matter will repeat itself over and over again. You've seen it happen to others and others may be seeing it happen to you. Lots of talk (hollering and threats), but no action (spanking). (See Proverbs 13:24 again.)

Proverbs 14:3 - "In the mouth of the foolish is a rod for his back, But the lips of the wise will preserve them."

In this verse, God speaks of a "rod for his back". "In this case, the word "rod" is "choter" in Hebrew. It means a "branch or twig". We, as parents, are not to take God's instructions lightly. Disciplining is hard work. From us, it takes a constant dedication, stamina, steadfastness, and a conviction to persevere, to do what's right in God's eyes, not our own.

God doesn't tell us we will always understand. He does tell us to do it His way. He doesn't leave us high and dry, however. He promises to be with us throughout, if we will make the decision to follow His lead and discipline His way.

Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

Hebrews 10:23 - "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful;"

Hebrews 13:5 - "...I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you;"

Deuteronomy 31:6 - "Be strong and courageous...He will not fail you or forsake you."

Spanking is not popular in today's society but "...we must obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29). Spanking has been demonized and labeled as abuse by most medical "experts". Whether unintentionally misled or just ignorant of biblical facts, they have fed that lie to most everyone. Even sadder than that is that most have believed it, even Christians, who are expected, by God, to be more knowledgable in God's Word.

God truly is a God of love and He wants nothing more than for Christians to love Him, too. That love, however, comes in the form of obedience.

John 14:15 - "If you love Me, you will keep my commandments."

John 14:21 - "He who has My commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves Me; and he who loves Me shall be loved by My Father, and I will love him, and will disclose Myself to him."

John 14:23 - "Jesus answered and said to him, 'If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him, and make Our abode with him.'"

John 15:10 - "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments, and abide in His love."

1 John 5:3 - "For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome."

2 John 6 - "And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, that you should walk in it."

(This is obedience by parents toward God to discipline their children diligently and godly, AND obedience by children toward their parents and others who are in authority over them.)

Ephesians 6:1-3 - "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth."

Proverbs 6:20-23 - "My son, observe the commandment of your father, And do not forsake the teaching of your mother; Bind them continually on your heart; Tie them around your neck. When you walk about, they will guide you; When you sleep, they will watch over you; And when you awake, they will talk to you. For the commandment is a lamp, and the teaching is light; And reproofs for discipline are the way of life,"

Proverbs 23:22 - "Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old."

Colossians 3:20 - "Children, be obedient to your parents in ALL THINGS, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord."

Correct disciplining begins in the heart. I'm not talking about feelings. I'm talking about attitude. We as the parents are the examples, the authority and guardians of our children. For that reason, we MUST have a godly attitude.

As I stated earlier, God has an order and thoughtful plan as to how He disciplines His children, Christians. Those same principles are to be used and followed by us the parents. They are: instructions and guidelines given; a warning of consequences and pending punishment for disobedience; then swift and diligent follow-through of punishment to deter repetitive disobedience.

God clearly tells our children:

to obey (Ephesians 6:1 - "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.")

to respect (Hebrews 12:9 - "Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them...")

and to show honor to their parents (Ephesians 6:2 & 3 - "Honor your father and mother...").

He tells ALL of us to have an attitude of thanksgiving (1 Thessalonians 5:18 - "in everything give thanks..."),

humility (Proverbs 22:4 - "The reward of humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, honor and life."),

caring (Philippians 2:3 & 4 - "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."

AND 1 Peter 4:9 - "Be hospitable to one another without complaint."),

integrity (Proverbs 10:9 - "He who walks in integrity walks securely, But he who perverts his ways will be found out."),

patience Colossians 3:12 - "And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."),

forgiveness (Colossians 3:13 - "bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you."),

and contentment (Hebrews 13:5; - "Let your character be free from the love of money, being content with what you have..."

AND 1 Timothy 6:6-8 - "But godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. And if we have food and covering, with these we shall be content."). All of these qualities come from within and they begin with a godly, compliant and willing attitude.

Children can't just be told what to do, they must also be shown what to do. How we the parents react to and treat others is how our children will react to and treat others as well. If we become angry and shout obscenities at a careless driver, our children watch. If we become impatient when we've been put on "hold" while making a phone call, our children watch. If we lie about our age, our weight, or why we were late for an appointment, our children listen. If we compliment someone or are friendly to them to their face, but then slander them behind their back, our children listen. If the list of things that are most important to us doesn't begin with the Word of God, our children won't begin their list with it either.

We are to instill godly attitudes and behavior in our children, but if we don't show kindness, consideration and genuine caring to others, neither will they. If we grumble or are prideful or want to "get even", you are fooling yourself if you think your children won't display those same things.

For the Christian, those of us who have chosen to trust the death of Christ alone for our salvation, God has many DOS and DON'TS to help us to live a life that will be a blessing to us and a testimony to our Savior. They permeate the entire Bible. Since the focus of this study has been based primarily in the Book of Proverbs, let's keep it there while I direct you, the parents, to many of the other verses found there. I encourage you to take the time to look at each one of them so that you can get a much clearer, well-rounded overview of what God expects of us. In this way, you will be better prepared to begin to be the best godly, diligent mother or father God has intended for you.

Dos and Don'ts of God - (emphasis added)

TEACHING

1:8 - "Hear, my son, your father's instruction, And DO NOT forsake your mother's teaching."

3:1 - "My son, DO NOT forget my teaching, But let your heart keep my commandments;"

4:2 - "For I give you sound teaching; DO NOT abandon my instruction."

4:5 & 6 - "Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! DO NOT forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth."

4:13 - "Take hold of instruction; DO NOT let go. Guard her, for she is your life."

4:21 - "DO NOT let them depart from your sight; Keep them in the midst of your heart."

KINDNESS, GOODNESS, ETC.

3:3 - "DO NOT let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart."

3:27 & 28 - "DO NOT withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in your power to do it. DO NOT say to your neighbor, 'Go, and come back, And tomorrow I will give it,' when you have it with you."

PEER PRESSURE

1:10 - "My son, if sinners entice you, DO NOT consent."

1:15 - "My son, DO NOT walk in the way with them. Keep your feet from their path,"

4:14 & 15 - "DO NOT enter the path of the wicked, And DO NOT proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, DO NOT pass by it; Turn away from it and pass on."

4:19 - "The way of the wicked is like darkness; They DO NOT know over what they stumble."

20:19 - "He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore DO NOT associate with a gossip."

22:24 & 25 - "DO NOT associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, Lest you learn his ways, And find a snare for yourself."

22:26 - "DO NOT be among those who give pledges (promises), Among those who become sureties for debts."

23:20 & 21 - "DO NOT be with heavy drinkers of wine, Or with gluttonous eaters of meat; For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, And drowsiness will clothe a man with rags."

24:21 - "My son, fear the Lord and the king; DO NOT associate with those who are given to change;"

26: 4 & 5 - "DO NOT answer a fool according to his folly, Lest you also be like him. Answer a fool as his folly deserves, Lest he be wise in his own eyes."

26:12 - "DO you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him."

26:25 - "When he (contentious man from vs. 21) speaks graciously, do not believe him, For there are seven abominations in his heart."

DISCERNMENT

3:5 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And DO NOT lean on your own understanding."

3:30 - "DO NOT contend with a man without cause, If he has done you no harm."

5:8 - "Keep your way far from her (an adultress), And DO NOT go near the door of her house."

6:25 - "DO NOT desire her beauty in your heart, Nor let her catch you with her eyelids."

7:11 - "She is boisterous and rebellious; Her feet DO NOT remain at home;"

7:25 - "DO NOT let your heart turn aside to her ways, DO NOT stray into her paths."

8:33 - "Heed instruction and be wise, And DO NOT neglect it."

PRIDE

3:7 - "DO NOT be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil."

25:6-8 - "DO NOT claim honor in the presence of the king, And DO NOT stand in the place of great men; For it is better that it be said to you, 'Come up here,' Than that you should be put lower in the presence of the prince, Whom your eyes have seen."

27:1 - "DO NOT boast about tomorrow, For you do not know what a day may bring forth."

BEHAVIOR

22:22 - "DO NOT rob the poor because he is poor, Or crush the afflicted at the gate;"

23:6 - "DO NOT eat the bread of a selfish man, Or desire his delicacies;"

24:1 & 2 - "DO NOT be envious of evil men, Nor desire to be with them; For their minds devise violence, And their lips talk of trouble."

31:3 - "DO NOT give your strength to women, Or your ways to that which destroys kings." ("strength" - Hebrew "chayil" meaning "efficiency, wealth, power")

REVENGE

3:29 - "DO NOT devise harm against your neighbor, While he lives in security beside you."

19:18 - "Discipline your son while there is hope, And DO NOT desire his death."

20:22 - "DO NOT say, 'I will repay evil'; Wait for the Lord, and He will save you."

24:15-17 - "DO NOT lie in wait, O wicked man, against the dwelling of the righteous; DO NOT destroy his resting place; For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, But the wicked stumble in time of calamity. DO NOT rejoice when your enemy falls, And DO NOT let your heart be glad when he stumbles;"

24:29 - "DO NOT say, 'Thus I shall do to him as he has done to me'; I will render to the man according to his work."

DISCIPLINE

3:11 - "My son, DO NOT reject the discipline of the Lord, Or loathe His reproof,"

23:13 - "DO NOT hold back discipline from the child, Although you beat him with the rod, he will not die."

OTHERS

(fear)- 3:25 - "DO NOT be afraid of sudden fear, Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes;"

(lazy)- 20:13 - "DO NOT love sleep, lest you become poor; Open your eyes, and you will be satisfied with food."

(scoffer)- 9:8 - "DO NOT reprove a scoffer, lest he hate you, Reprove a wise man, and he will love you."

23:9 - "DO NOT speak in the hearing of a fool, For he will despise the wisdom of your words."

24:19 - "DO NOT fret because of evildoers, Or be envious of the wicked;"

(corrupt materialism)- 10:2 - "Ill-gotten gains DO NOT profit, But righteousness delivers from death."

11:4 - "Riches DO NOT profit in the day of wrath, But righteousness delivers from death."

23:3 & 4 - "DO NOT desire his delicacies, For it is deceptive food. DO NOT weary yourself to gain wealth, Cease from your consideration of it."

23:17 - "DO NOT let your heart envy sinners, But live in the fear of the Lord always."

(lying)- 30:6 - "DO NOT add to His words (the Scriptures) Lest He reprove you, and you be proved a liar."

(trustworthy)- 25:9 & 10 - "Argue your case with your neighbor, And DO NOT reveal the secret of another, Lest he who hears it reproach you, And the evil report about you not pass away."

(friendship)- 27:10 - "DO NOT forsake your own friend or your father's friend, And DO NOT go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away."

I hope that as you have gone through this study, you have come away with a better understanding of the importance and diligence of disciplining your children. There is an urgency in God's Word as to why it is so necessary and what you can expect if you don't take it seriously. The outcome will be a curse or a blessing to both you and your child. Attitude, diligence, immediate discipline and consistency are all keys to doing it God's way.

The evidence of how much love you have for your child will be shown in the amount of effort you put into the discipline of your child. Done correctly, you will grow old leaving behind a respectful, courteous, unselfish and loving, grown child who will see the need to carry those same godly, disciplining principles on to their own children.

Others will look favorably on a quiet, respectful, well-mannered child who has a courteous, disposition and a smile of contentment on his or her face. They will be a blessing to be around and others will welcome their company. You, as the parent, will also be blessed by their godly attitude and behavior and you'll be delighted to claim them as your son or daughter.

Be honest with yourself and God. If you have not been the parent God has expected you to be, please take a moment to confess your inept discipline of the past to the Lord. Re-dedicate yourself and your parental responsibility to Him through prayer, with an attitude of commitment. Then, always prayerfully, devote your energies to doing it right and ask God to help you not to become lazy and unfocused. True godly parenting is a responsibility and a privilege given to us by God, one we need to take very seriously indeed.

Being an obedient Christian, one who is walking with the Lord, means trusting and accepting God's ways as being absolute, regardless of what WE think or feel. Spanking is not pleasant, but it yields the fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12:11). It's God's assurance of innumerable blessings for the future, both here on earth and in the kingdom to come. May God richly bless you as you make a fresh start to do it His way.