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October 1 - "The prospect of a long day at the beach makes me panic. There is no harder work I can think of than taking myself off to somewhere pleasant, where I am forced to stay for hours and 'have fun'." -- Phillip Lopate
September 25 - "Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters." -- Margaret Halsey
September 20 - "At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies." -- P. G. Wodehouse
September 15 - "The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it." -- Bill Nye
September 14 - "The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch." -- Michael Friedman
September 10 - "I passionately hate the idea of being with it; I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time." -- George Orson Welles
September 5 - "On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog." -- Peter Steiner
September 4 - "We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it." -- Will Rogers
September 2 - "I'm convinced there's a small room in the attic of the Foreign Office where future diplomats are taught to stammer." -- Peter Ustinov
August 30 - "Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting." -- John Russell
August 28 - "A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another." -- Jimmy Cannon
August 26 - "Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad." -- Norm Papernick
August 23 - "Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege." – Unknown
August 21 - "Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred." -- Pico Iyer
August 19 - "All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable." -- Fran Lebowitz
August 18 - "It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to." -- Franklin P. Jones
August 17 - "I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it." -- Queen Juliana
August 14 - "I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle." -- Mitch Hedberg
August 12 - "Never fall in love with an artist. Never spit into the wind. Never trust a musician. And, never, ever buy Texas from a cowboy." -- Douglas Pagan
August 10 - "There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." -- Oscar Levant
August 9 - "Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'." -- Michael McClary
August 8 - "I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves." -- Bruce Grocott
August 7 - "I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota." -- Fran Lebowitz
August 5 - "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." -- Robert Frost
August 4 - "Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?" -- George Wallace
August 3 - "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." -- Steven Wright
August 2 - "Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukelele." -- Bagdikian's Observation
August 1 - "A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp." -- Joan Rivers
July 31 - "I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark." -- Dick Gregory
July 30 - "Architecture is the art of how to waste space." -- Philip Johnson
July 29 - "Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car." -- Evan Davis
July 28 - "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -- Oscar Wilde
July 27 - "The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer." -- Victor Borge
July 25 - "If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible. Don't hoard it. Don't dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly like a millionaire intent on going broke." -- Brendan Francis
July 24 - "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time." -- Bertrand Russell
July 22 - "Modern travelling is not travelling at all; it is merely being sent to a place, and very little different from becoming a parcel." -- John Ruskin
July 21 - "Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car." -- Evan Davis
July 20 - "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat." -- Albert Einstein
July 19 - "To err is human; to forgive, infrequent." -- Franklin P. Adams
July 17 - "Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead." -- Erma Bombeck
July 16 - "Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet." -- Chinese Proverb
July 15 - "Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art." -- Tom Stoppard
July 14 - "Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it." -- Tallulah Bankhead
July 13 - "I can’t do yoga. All that deep breathing. I hate breathing. Except, you know, to live." -- Elliot, Scrubs
July 11 - "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." -- Shelley Winters
July 9 - "It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help." -- Judith Martin
July 8 - "Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try." -- Fran Lebowitz
July 7 - "I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS." -- Robert Bakker
July 6 - "I have a right to my anger, and I don't want anybody telling me I shouldn't be, that it's not nice to be, and that something's wrong with me because I get angry." -- Maxine Waters
July 5 - "It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that." -- G. H. Hardy
July 4 - "Books have the same enemies as people: fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content." -- Paul Valery
July 3 - "I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision." -- Eleanor Roosevelt
July 2 - "Isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?" -- Before Sunrise
July 1 - "The cloning of humans is on most of the lists of things to worry about from Science, along with behaviour control, genetic engineering, transplanted heads, computer poetry and the unrestrained growth of plastic flowers." -- Lewis Thomas

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