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August 31: It's easier to love something that reminds you of yourself.
August 30: You always get a big cheer when you pull your pants down in a public place.
August 29: Don't underestimate your eyebrows, especially if you've got a plain face.
August 28: A tennis ball is a temporary substitute for compassion.
August 27: A passenger door left unlocked says a lot about a passenger.
August 26: Art is whatever you're prepared to pay for it to be.
August 25: Staring out of windows makes you seem poetic and complex.
August 24: It’s hard to be cool if you get the giggles easily.
August 23: After a long pause there's always the expectation to say something clever.
August 22: When you look up your eyelids seems heavier and you appear relaxed and sexy.
August 21: Rushing makes you feel like an executive.
August 20: Don't expect too much from pets, you'll only be dissapointed.
August 19: In a previous life you were probably someone similar to who you are now.
August 18: Men compare sporting injuries more than emotional scars.
August 17: Irony keeps you dry.
August 16: No point in aiming high when you're afraid of heights.
August 15: You get strength from failed relationships.
August 14: When you laugh at yourself at least you know someone finds you funny.
August 13: If you're not moving you're not interesting.
August 12: If you spit after every swear word you appear tougher.
August 11: The more you try, the less you're good at it.
August 10: Locking and unlocking takes roughly the same amount of time.
August 9: Grey hair is like seagrass matting - it attracts dust.
August 8: A romantic nickname is a social attribute.
August 7: A closed door creates interest.
August 6: Sarcasm makes you feel comfortable.
August 5: Canceling something can give you a lift.
August 4: Possessiveness advertises frailty.
August 3: If you're not naturally funny, try teasing a third person.
August 2: By staying out of reach you remain a talking point.
August 1: Wearing a promotional tiger suit will help overcome shyness.
July 31: Having a purpose is better than achieving it.
July 30: It's easier to tell the truth with a cushion over your face.
July 29: Privacy is compelling.
July 28: A big nose can be an icebreaker.
July 27: Cellophane softens even the harshest of lights.
July 26: A silent success is a failure.
July 25: Disappointments enhance good moments.
July 24: Jealously makes you more romantic.
July 23: When you're isolated you look pathetic.
July 22: Having money stretches your pants.
July 21: When you squeeze something too hard you can't tell what it is anymore.
July 20: An empty fridge is a frosty place.
July 19: Odd or unexpected movements distract people...
July 18: When two friends stop touching each other, it means they've done it.
July 17: Failure requires no preparation.
July 16: When cool people step on bindi they look stupid too.
July 15: The human body is 90% praise.
July 14: If you're self obsessed, stand near a good listener.
July 13: Sometimes you have to stoop low to be proud.
July 12: Wearing a wetsuit to school means you're trying too hard to be different.
July 11: Rehearse loss in advance.
July 10: Eat fast - it's good to finish first at something.
July 9: Unnatural pauses in conversations make you seem odd.
July 8: Equality is the inner mucus frothing in a few bronchioles.
July 7: Cats should be microwaved for fun, not profit.
July 6: Pets should not be cleaned in the dishwasher.
July 5: Monarchs should not be attacked with kitchen utensils.
July 4: Is it wrong that only one man has been keeping Adelaide's sperm back going?
July 3: Imagine Colin with a permed mullet.
July 2: If one of the chicks from Friends put on a stone, and no media hacks were around to report it, does she need to take a box of laxatives?
July 1: I landed butter side down this morning.
June 30: Veterinarians are cool.
June 29: Lust is only one part of turture...Revenge is the other.
June 28: Hope and Despair ride together in the Cadillac of life.
June 27: Vengeance is a hobby.
June 26: Life is a pile of dirty washing.
June 25: May you be struck by a falling billiards table.
June 24: Hide behind your inner devil...it's a great party trick.
June 23: Never sleep with a naked pineapple.
June 22: If everybody is free...why do we have to follow so many rules?
June 21: Intelligence is not judged by the amount of peroxide in one's hair.
June 20: When you see the Wizard of Oz, ask him what it's like to be Australian.
June 19: The strongest kind of love is that which is unrequited.
June 18: Yaks should not be French kissed.
June 17: I'm never lonely...my 12 personalities keep me company.
June 16: I'm not bitter, I just enjoy torturing small animals.
June 15: Running through the streets naked can be liberating.
June 14: What do you get if you cross Jay Leno, Dave Letterman and Conan O'Brien? Three hours of your life you'll never get back.
June 13: Only one cynic can love another.
June 12: If toast always lands buttered side down, and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you buttered a cat?
June 11: If your computer crashes and you're not around to see it...Does it really crash?
June 10: People who aren't friends usually end up in shallow graves.
June 9: Life isn't like a box of chocolates. Unless the box is empty and a small child is standing by sobbing.
June 8: What if Yoda worked at McDonalds? "Want fries with that, you do."
June 7: Life is like a compost heap. 95% Shit.

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