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December 31 - "The injustice of it is almost perfect! The wrong people going hungry, the wrong people being loved, the wrong people dying! Was I really wrong to believe that there's a--a kind of--burning virility of mind and spirit that looks for something as powerful as itself? The heaviest, strongest creatures in this world seem to be the loneliest." -- John Osborne
December 30 - "The injustice of it is almost perfect! The wrong people going hungry, the wrong people being loved, the wrong people dying! Was I really wrong to believe that there's a--a kind of--burning virility of mind and spirit that looks for something as powerful as itself? The heaviest, strongest creatures in this world seem to be the loneliest." -- John Osborne
December 26 - "If intelligence does not exist at birth, it will not exist at all." -- Salvador Dali
December 25 - "High noon behind the tamarisks, the sun is hot above us-- As at home the Christmas Day is breaking wan, They will drink our healths at dinner, those who tell us how they love us, And forget us till another year be gone!" --Rudyard Kipling
December 24 - "Next to a circus there aint nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit."--Kin Hubbard
December 23 - "Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family..." -- Berke Breathed
December 22 - "Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you." -- Robert A. Heinlein
December 21 - "I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him." --Mark Twain
December 20 - "There is no sin except stupidity." -- Oscar Wilde
December 19 - "If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur." -- Doug Larson
December 18 - "I need breasts with brains. I don’t mean individual brains, obviously... I mean, not a brain each. You know, I like intelligent women, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere... I think breast brains would be over-egging the woman pudding." -- Jeff, Coupling
December 17 - "Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant." –- Anonymous
December 16 - "The writer merely has some people in his mind, and an incident or two, also a locality. He knows the selected locality, and he trusts that he can plunge those people into incidents with interesting results." -- Mark Twain
December 15 - "I get very tense around apples... Well, I get very tense generally. I think I’ve fallen into the trap of blaming fruit." -- Jeff from Coupling
December 14 - "Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them." -- Rita Rudner
December 13 - "To say something nice about yourself, this is the hardest thing in the world for people to do. They'd rather take their clothes off." -- Nancy Friday
December 12 - "Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards." -- Robert Heinlein
December 11 - "Any clod can have the facts; having opinions is an art." -- Charles McCabe
December 10 - "Philosophers say a great deal about what is absolutely necessary for science, and it is always, so far as one can see, rather naive, and probably wrong." -- Richard Feynman
Deember 9 - "Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind." -- E. B. White
December 8 - "Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music." -- Kristian Wilson
December 7 - "Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office." -- Adrienne E. Gusoff
December 6 - "The French are funny, sex is funny, and comedies are funny, yet no French sex comedies are funny." -- Matt Groening
December 5 - "I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him." -- Mark Twain
December 4 - "Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers." -- Governor Jesse Ventura
December 3 - "There must be more to life than having everything." --Maurice Sendak
December 2 - "It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating." -- Oscar Wilde
December 1 - "Sometimes I think children are the worst people alive. And even if they're not - even if some smiling toddler is as pure as Evian - it's only a matter of time ... As far as I can tell, the nicest thing you can say about children is that they haven't done anything terrible yet." --Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs
November 30 - "In order to send a more positive message, instead of smashing their guitars at the end of a concert, maybe rock stars could reconstruct guitars out of broken parts and play a song on them." -- John Alejandro King
November 29 - "True, we love life, not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving. There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness." -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
November 28 - "It's a place where people would shit in bags, staple it to a wall, and call it an art project." -- Neil Swaab on Syracuse University
November 27 - "The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky." -- Solomon Short
November 26 - "There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
November 25 - "You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." -- Jack London
November 24 - "The world is my lobster." -- Henry J. Tillman
November 23 - "What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?" -- Henry David Thoreau
November 22 - "Personally I think birthdays and anniversaries are like menstrual cramps, a regular pain in the ass that’s somehow connected to birth." -- Hugh Elliott
November 21 - "We're not lost. We're locationally challenged." -- John M. Ford
November 20 - "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." -- Rita Rudner
November 19 - "Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae." -- Kurt Vonnegut
November 18 - "I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota." -- Fran Lebowitz
November 17 - "One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork." -- Edward Abbey
November 15 - "Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." --Oscar Wilde
November 14 - "I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I dont always agree with them." --George Bush
November 13 - "The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness youll never find it." --C. P. Snow
November 12 - "Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes." --Henry David Thoreau
November 11 - "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." --Mae West
November 10 - "Just the omission of Jane Austens books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadnt a book in it." --Mark Twain
November 9 - "You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producers heart." --Fred Allen
November 8 - "Women should be obscene and not heard." --Groucho Marx
November 7 - "Its all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation." --Dr.Rob Gilbert
November 6 - "You cant have everything. Where would you put it?" --Steven Wright
November 5 - "Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people." --Robert Benchley
November 4 - "I felt like poisoning a monk." --Umberto Eco
Novemeber 3 - "Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater." --Gail Godwin
November 2 - "Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner." --Douglas Adams
November 1 - "The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep." --Alan Patrick Herbert
October 31 - "If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile." --Lynda Barry
October 30 - "The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting." --Gloria Leonard
October 29 - "War is not nice." --Barbara Bush
October 28 - "The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money." --David Richerby
October 27 - "The last time somebody said, - I find I can write much better with a word processor. - I replied, - They used to say the same thing about drugs - ." --Roy Blount Jr.
October 26 - "A gift - be it a present, a kind word or a job done with care and love - explains itself!... and if receivin it embarrasses you, its because your -thanks box- is warped." --Alice Childress
October 25 - "A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but wont cross the street to vote in a national election." --Bill Vaughan
October 24 - "There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool." --L. M. Boyd
October 23 - "Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence." --Henrik Tikkanen
October 22 - "The way I see it, there's so much love and beauty in world, and someone has to balance that shit out." --Randy K. Milholland
October 21 - "I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who havent got the guts to bite people themselves." --August Strindberg
October 20 - "Why isnt there a special name for the tops of your feet?" --Lily Tomlin
October 19 - "I was the kid next door's imaginary friend." --Emo Phillips
October 18 - "All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire." --Aristotle
October 17 - " I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it." --Edith Sitwell
October 16 - "History is more or less bunk." --Henry Ford
October 15 - "The fanatic is incorruptible: if he kills for an idea, he can just as well get himself killed for one; in either case, tyrant or martyr, he is a monster." --Emile M. Cioran
October 14 - "Diplomacy is the art of saying -Nice doggie- until you can find a rock." --Will Rogers
October 13 - "Single-mindedness is all very well in cows or baboons; in an animal claiming to belong to the same species as Shakespeare it is simply disgraceful." --Aldous Huxley
October 12 - "An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger." --Dan Rather
October 11 - "A fanatic is one who cant change his mind and wont change the subject." --Sir Winston Churchill
October 10 - "You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men." --Max Beerbohm
October 9 - "I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." --Jerome K. Jerome
October 8 - "Everyone rises to their level of incompetence." --Laurence J. Peter
October 7 - "No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast." --W. S. Gilbert
October 6 - "I am at two with nature." --Woody Allen
October 5 - "My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music." --Vladimir Nabokov
October 4 - "Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." --Cyril Connolly
October 3 - "Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast." --Douglas Adams
October 2 - "The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." --Alfred Hitchcock
October 1 - "You live and learn. At any rate, you live." --Douglas Adams

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