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November 30 - "When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships." -- Andy Warhol
November 29 - "Country and Rap are to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art." – Anonymous
November 28 - "I was born in Elizabeth and they make their stock tough here." -- Wendy Teasdale-Smith (Principal of Parafield Gardens High School.)
November 27 - "We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing." -- George Carlin
November 26 - "It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself." -- Salvador Dali
November 25 - "Asia is the continent rhythm forgot. At best Asian music is off-brand American pop, like Sonny Bono in a karaoke bar. At worst Asian music sounds as if a truck full of wind chimes collided with a stack of empty oil drums during a birdcall contest." -- P.J. O'Rourke
November 24 - "I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special." -- Jane Lane
November 23 - "Hi vibrato sounded like he was driving a tractor over a ploughed field with weights tied to his scrotum." -- Spike Milligan
November 22 - "There is still no cure for the common birthday." -- John Glenn
November 21 - "There's nothing romantic, nothing grand, nothing heroic, nothing brave, nothing like that about drinking. It's a real coward's death." -- Warren Zevon
November 20 - "Extraordinary how potent cheap music is." -- Noel Coward
November 19 - "Ever notice how digital toys are getting smaller and more versatile—just like really old people?" -- Stuff Magazine
November 18 - "If you want to make your parents really mad, but don't have the guts to be a homosexual, join the arts." -- Kurt Vonnegut
November 17 - "The course of true love never did run smooth." -- William Shakespeare
November 16 - "It's kinda nice to be remembered by your peers and your fans, because you can achieve a lot of success and be a creep too! But we try to be nice, just normal people." -- Karen Carpenter
November 15 - "Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ‘Embraceable You’ in spats." -- Woody Allen
November 14 - "I know the difference now between dedication and infatuation. That doesn't mean I don't still get an enormous kick out of infatuation: the exciting ephemera, the punch in the stomach, the adrenaline to the heart." -- Anna Quindlen
November 13 - "America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair." -- Arnold Toynbee
November 12 - "People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him." -- Art Buchwald
November 11 - "When you've seen a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists." -- Stephen Fry
November 10 - "The creative habit is like a drug. The particular obsession changes, but the excitement, the thrill of your creation lasts." --Henry Moore
November 9 - "I write fiction and I'm told it's autobiography, I write autobiography and I'm told it's fiction, so since I'm so dim and they're so smart, let them decide what it is or it isn't." -- Philip Roth
November 8 - "Artistic genius is an expansion of monkey imitativeness." -- W. Winwood Reade
November 7 - "There's a real shortage of bimbos in Europe. Unlike America, the natural home of the bimbo, where the bimbos run free." -- Wil Anderson
November 6 - "Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so." -- Douglas Adams
November 5 - "Childbearing [should be] a punishable crime against society, unless the parents hold a government license... All potential parents [should be] required to use contraceptive chemicals, the government issuing antidotes to citizens chosen for childbearing." -- Dixie Lee Ray
November 4 - "Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate!" -- Author Unknown
November 3 - "Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives." -- William Dement
November 2 - "Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he cant find any clean socks." -- Joseph Conrad
October 28 - "And there the fire was flaming bright,
For miles and miles it spread,
And many a sheep and horse and cow
Were numbered with the dead --
The super came to meet Old Bill,
And this is what he said:
"No use, to try to beat it out,
'Twill dry you up like toast,
I've done as much as man can do,
Although I never boast;
I think you'd better chuck it up,
And let the jumbucks roast."
--A.B. 'Banjo' Patterson, The Bushfire
October 27 - "Religion has actually convinced people that there is an invisible man, living in the sky, who sees everything you do and wants you to follow a special list of things. Ten things, or he'll send you to a place of fire, and smoke, and death, and crying forever and ever. But ... he loves you." -- George Carlin
October 26 - "Strikeouts are boring - besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls. More democratic." -- From the movie Bull Durham
October 25 - "I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins." -- Jack Handey
October 24 - "Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." -- G.K. Chesterton
October 23 - "Mr Bush this is Australia, respect our nation, return our Australian citizens from Guantanamo Bay, if you respect the world's laws the world will respect you." -- Bob Brown (leader of the Greens)
October 22 - "In order to dig things that are pretty takes no special talent. What it really takes a talent to do is dig something ugly." -- Michael Nesmith
October 21 - "The best, most beautiful, and most perfect way that we have of expressing a sweet concord of mind to each other is by music." -- Jonathan Edwards
October 20 - "I have loved to the point of madness; that which is called madness, that which to me, is the only sensible way to love." -- F. Sagan
October 19 - We start off cool, then get stranger and stranger. Elvis, of course, is the model for this. He lived this out. Most of the people I know are in some variation of the process of changing from the trim, sexy, leather-wearing Elvis into the fat, beaded, dyed, comb-over Elvis. We may not take the exact path he took but it amounts to the same thing. -- Michael Nesmith.
October 18 - "The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard." -- David Gerrold
October 17 - "Read, read, read. Read everything - trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master. Read! You'll absorb it." -- William Faulkner
October 16 - "It’s good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me." -- Ashleigh Brilliant
October 15 - "The cold was growing inside me, feeding off me, and that's when the revelation occurred. I've had this virus for over six months: that puts me at the end of my second trimester. As absurd and deluded as it may sound, hope surged in my heart - just twelve more weeks and it would all be over. After nine intolerable months of flu I'll finally give birth to a seven-pound bouncing ball of phlegm. A phlegm baby, a child composed entirely of snot and mucus, fruit of my lungs, custard-apple of my eye, a spit off the ol' block." -- Paul McDermott
October 14 - "You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm." – Colette
October 13 - "I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things.... I play with leaves. I skip down the street and run against the wind" -- Leo Buscaglia
October 12 - "Everything great that we know has come from neurotics… never will the world be aware of how much it owes to them, nor above all what they have suffered in order to bestow their gifts on it." -- Marcel Proust
October 11 - "How I feel is they should die in a bad way. They should suffer the pain that I've suffered. I have nothing but hate for those people. To face them when I go back will be a real emotional trauma. I hope they die a real painful death. A bullet would be too quick and easy for them." -- Phil Britten (Bali bombing survivor)
October 10 - "Writing is the hardest way of earning a living, with the possible exception of wrestling alligators." -- Olin Miller
October 9 - "Is there anything more dangerous than sympathetic understanding?" -- Pablo Picasso
October 8 - "Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason." -- Author Unknown
October 7 - "There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen." -- Alexandre Dumas
October 6 - "The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
October 5 - "If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such." -- Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
October 4 - "I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon." -- Ellen DeGeneres
October 3 - "Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out." – Ambrose Bierce
October 2 - "Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." -- Larry Lorenzoni
October 1 - "Destiny has two ways of crushing us -- by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them." -- Henri Frederic Amiel
September 30 - "California, that advance post of our civilization, with its huge aircraft factories, TV and film studios, automobile way of life... its flavourless cosmopolitanism, its charlatan philosophies and religions, its lack of anything old and well-tried rooted in tradition and character." -- J.B. Priestley
September 29 - "Hilary Duff was talking about how her message is that you don't have to show your boobs and your bum to be a pop star. I guess that's my message too." -- Ben Lee
September 28 - "I wonder why men get serious at all. They have this delicate, long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by its own will. If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself." -- Yoko Ono
September 27 - "I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me." -- Fred Allen
September 26 - "Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination." -- Robert Fulghum
September 25 - "Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum – ‘My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch.’" -- Joan Rivers
September 24 - "Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness." -- Robertson Davies
September 23 - "One thousand Americans stop smoking every day - by dying." -- Author Unknown
September 22 - "The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come again." -- fortune cookie wisdom
September 21 - "I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." -- J.D. Salinger
September 20 - "If God dropped acid, would he see people?" -- Steven Wright
September 19 - "I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you dislike?" -- Jean Cocteau
September 18 - "Everything great in the world is done by neurotics; they alone founded our religions and created our masterpieces." -- Marcel Proust
September 17 – "All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays." -- Cathy Ladman
September 16 - "Oh goodie, goth mimes. The best of both worlds. They pretend they're trapped in a box and then whine about how cruel and unfair it is." -- Source Unknown
September 15 - "Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists... When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence." – Goncourt
September 14 - "Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh." -- WH Auden
September 13 - "I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace." -- Jen Balatro
September 12 - "... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That’s the trouble with Zombies, they’re unreliable! I say if you’re going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.." --George Carlin
September 11 - "Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea." -- John Anthony Ciardi
September 10 - "Oh dead set you've gotta get a lion to kill children don't ya?" -- Tim Ross (on what animal he'd like as a pet)
September 9 - "The best emotions to write out of are anger and fear or dread. . . . The least energizing emotion to write out of is admiration . . . because the basic feeling that goes with admiration is a passive contemplative mood." -- Susan Sontag
September 8 - "No amount of education can stop you making a dick of yourself." -- Richard (CrashBurn)
September 7 - "I'm a big believer in 'Just because you're not very good at something doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a go.'" -- Corinne Grant
September 6 - "Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure." -- Ross McDonald
September 5 - "Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun." -- Matt Groening
September 4 - "I never did say that you can't be a nice guy and win. I said that if I was playing third base and my mother rounded third with the winning run, I'd trip her up." -- Leo Durocher
September 3 - "This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd, because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy." -- Douglas Adams
September 2 - "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." --Douglas Adams
September 1 - "I think were losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves. I don't care whether its ethnicity, age, sexual orientation, or whose ox is being gored." -- Jassamyn West

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