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February 29 - "There will be a time when loud-mouthed, incompetent people seem to be getting the best of you. When that happens, you only have to be patient and wait for them to self destruct. It never fails." -- Richard Rybolt
February 28 - "I feel so much better since I gave up hope."
February 27 - "A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything." – Nietzsche
February 26 - "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'" -- Charlie Brown
February 25 - "Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy." -- H.L. Mencken
February 24 - "I know how to solve the problem of rebuilding Iraq . . . invade Syria!" -- Jon Stewart, The Daily Show
February 23 - "It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." -- Douglas Adams
February 22 - "Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while." – Unknown
February 21 - "It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination." -- Douglas Adams
February 20 - "Most horror movies are certainly that." -- Brendan Francis
February 19 - "A new start can come from nowhere. The idea is to make new things happen. The trouble is, you're then into unchartered waters." -- Evan Wilde, The Secret Life of Us
February 18 - "Counsellors believe that any relationship is better off after a chance to clear the air. Of course, clearing the air often just ups the tension." -- Kelly Lewis, The Secret Life of Us
February 17 - "The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them." -- Robert Frost
February 16 - "I'm trying to bring about world peace with swearing and blasphemy." -- David Cross
February 15 - "The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of whether submarines can swim." -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
February 14 - "Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." -- Jules Renard
February 13 - "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." -- Author Unknown
February 12 - "I’m just full of arcane quotations and meaningless bits of information, makes me all more a weirdo." -- Cary Elwes as Mac in Wish You Were Dead
February 11 - "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -- Gilda Radner
February 10 - "It is astonishing what an effort it seems to be for many people to put their brains definitely and systematically to work." -- Thomas A. Edison
February 9 - "I believe in compulsory cannibalism. If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars." -- Abbie Hoffman
February 6 - "Just because I'm not destroying myself with substances; doesn't mean I'm Mr. Conformity now." -- Johnny Depp
February 5 - "It's all love or sex these days. Friendship is almost as quaint and outdated a notion as chastity. Soon friends will be like the elves and the pixies - fabulous mythical creatures from a distant past." -- C.S Lewis
February 4 - "I don't watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself." -- Stephen Fry, Paperweight
February 3 - "At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy is to function in some way as a safety release then it must obviously deal with these taboo areas. This is part of the responsibility we accord our licensed jesters, that nothing be excused the searching light of comedy. If anything can survive the probe of humor it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted." -- Eric Idle
February 2 - "Where does the white go when the snow melts?" -- Author Unknown
February 1 - "Of course I'm ambitious. What's wrong with that? Otherwise you sleep all day." -- Ringo Starr
January 31 - "Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired." -- Jules Renard
January 30 - "Like everybody else, when I don't know what else to do, I seem to go in for catching colds." --George Jean Nathan
January 29 - "The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved." --J. Russel Lynes
January 28 - "What the world really needs is more love and less paper work." -- Pearl Bailey
January 27 - "Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite. Or waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting." -- Dr. Seuss
January 26 - "I'm a concert pianist. That's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment." -- Oscar Levant (An American in Paris, 1951)
January 25 - "Australians are, I have found, ready to laugh at themselves if they think that the joke is funny and the humour not ill-directed. And the ability to be self-deprecating is the mark of confidence; it is, as much as anything else, the yardstick by which a society measures how tolerant and self-assured it is." -- Soumya Bhattacharya
January 24 - "Sticks and stones are hard on bones aimed with angry art. Words can sting like anything but silence breaks the heart." -- Phyllis McGinley
January 23 - "The human story does not always unfold like a mathematical calculation on the principle that two and two make four. Sometimes in life they make five or minus three; and sometimes the blackboard topples down in the middle of the sum and leaves the class in disorder and the pedagogue with a black eye." -- Winston Churchill
January 22 - "War is hell but peace is fucking boring." -- Ray Elwood, Buffalo Soldiers
January 21 - "Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" -- John Mendosa.
January 20 - "I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?" -- Paul Merton
January 19 - "Any ad where wolves attack Americans is ok by me." -- Mikey Robins
January 18 - "Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn." -- Irvin S. Cobb
January 17 - "Nicknames stick to people, and the most ridiculous are the most adhesive." -- Thomas C. Haliburton
January 16 - "They fuck you up your mum and dad/They may not mean to, but they do./They fill you with the faults they had/and add some extra, just for you." -- Philip Larkin, This Be The Verse
January 15 - "Nothing makes it easier to resist temptation than a proper bringing-up, a sound set of values - and witnesses." -- Franklin P. Jones
January 14 - "The Internet is like a giant jellyfish. You cant step on it. You cant go around it. Youve got to get through it." -- John Evans
January 13 - "See, the human mind is kind of like... a piñata. When it breaks open, there's a lot of surprises inside. Once you get the piñata perspective, you see that losing your mind can be a peak experience." -- Jane Wagner
January 12 - "Give to every human being every right that you claim for yourself." -- Robert Ingersoll
January 11 - "Whoever called snooker "chess with balls" was rude, but right." -- Clive James
January 10 - "I certainly have no qualms with the idea of killing animals. After years of research, I have come to the conclusion that animals enjoy being eaten; they think it's fun." -- Chuck Klosterman
January 9 - "If you define your personality as creative, it only means you understand what is perceived to be creative by the world at large, so you’re really just following a rote creative template. That’s the opposite of creativity." -- Chuck Klosterman
January 8 - "Disco is from hell, okay? And not the cool part of hell with all the murderers, but the lame ass part where the really bad accountants live." -- Steven Hyde, That 70s Show
January 7 - "There are a lot of ways to grieve, but last time I checked, wheelbarrow style wasn't one of them." -- J.D, Scrubs
January 6 - "My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit." -- Phyllis Diller
January 5 - "I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." -- Frank Lloyd Wright
January 4 - "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." -- Westley, The Princess Bride
January 3 - "So what you're saying is you have a problem that is totally your problem but you'd like to find a way to make that problem my problem, but here's the problem, newbie, it ain't my problem." -- Dr Perry Cox (Scrubs)
January 2 - "Don’t they say the beating of a butterfly’s wings over the Atlantic can cause a hurricane in the Pacific? So feel free sometimes to do something stupid, random and ludicrous. That stupid, random and ludicrous act can upset the order of the world." -- from Happenstance
January 1 - "Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony." -- Robert Benchley
December 31 - "An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." -- Bill Vaughan
December 30 - "New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights." -- Hamilton Wright Mabie
December 29 - "New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls, and humbug resolutions." -- Mark Twain
December 28 - "New Year Resolutions: 1. To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging. 2. To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time." -- James Agate
December 27 - "I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's Day, don't you? Since, because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second." -- Helen Fielding
December 26 - "I guess one person can make a difference, but most of the time they shouldn’t." -- Marge Simpson
December 25 - "There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them." -- P.J. O'Rourke
December 24 - "There is no ideal Christmas; only the one Christmas you decide to make as a reflection of your values, desires, affections, traditions." -- Bill McKibben
December 23 - "I'm walking backwards till Christmas." -- Spike Milligan
December 22 - "The threat of Christmas hung in the air, visible already in the fretful look of passersby as they readied themselves for the meaningless but necessary rites of false jovialities and ill-considered gifts." -- Peter Dickinson, Play Dead
December 21 - "Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ." -- Bart Simpson, The Simpsons
December 20 - "In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season, the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church, the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue, the atheists went o parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'" -- Dave Barry "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
December 19 - "We really don't have enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us." – Unknown
December 18 - "Don't expect too much of Christmas Day. You can't crowd into it any arrears of unselfishness and kindliness that may have accrued during the past twelve months." -- Oren Arnold
December 17 - "After all, it is hard to master both life and work equally well. So if you are bound to fake one of them, it had better be life." -- Joseph Brodsky
December 16 - "Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit" -- Kin Hubbard
December 14 - "Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year." -- Victor Borge
December 13 - "Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?" -- Bill Watterson
December 12 - "Rose-colored glasses are seldom bifocal."
December 11 - "Christmas is when we celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace by giving our kids rockets, machine guns, atom-bomb kits, and tanks."
December 10 - "Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it weren't for Christmas, We'd all be Jewish." -- Benny Hill
December 9 - "You're never too young to die in a fire." -- Red Forman (That 70s Show)
December 8 - "The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them." -- William Clayton
December 7 - "Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind." -- Mary Ellen Chase
December 6 - "Who among us has not gazed at a painting of Jackson Pollock's and thought: What a piece of crap?" -- Rob Long
December 5 - "Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely." -- M*A*S*H
December 4 - "They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all. By getting up a costume charity ball." -- Ogden Nash
December 3 - "I think that's lovely that Tony can say avant garde crap and honestly, it’s terrible to have avant garde crap on the walls but crap of any kind on the walls is terrible but at least it’s avant garde." -- Paul McDermott (on the art in Parliment House.)
December 2 - "If I had a hammer, I'd use it on Peter, Paul, and Mary." -- Howard Rosenberg
December 1 - "Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art." -- Tom Stoppard

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