Julia gazed at the Camellia in front of her and her eyes glazed over. It was the twelfth red camellia she’d looked at and to be quite frank it didn’t look to be any different to the others.
          “Isn’t this one gorgeous!” Ryan gushed, “The foliage is just spectacular."
          “You’d think they’d be able to get one in a different shade of red though,” Julia remarked and stifled a yawn.
          “You just have an untrained eye. The point of coming to the show today was for you to learn to appreciate the plant a bit more."
          “If it saves me from being devoured by hungry wolves I’ll appreciate it,” Julia shrugged. “Oh wow this one isn’t red!” she chirped, as the next camellia was a white one.
          “That one’s practically a weed,” Ryan sniffed as he pulled her towards another red one. “Now this one is spectacular. Blood of China, it’s just gorgeous."
          “Hey Kirsty’s got that one! She calls it Tianamen Square."
          “That’s not funny. How can you say such a thing?"
          “You’re right. I should be run over by a tank."
          “Julia, a little appreciation of the camellia is all I’m asking from you. You don’t have to act like a five year old all the time."
          “You’re absolutely right. I’m going to go stand in the corner while you finish appreciating the camellias,” Julia retorted and stalked off to the other side of the room. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and sent a message to Kirsty.

          Kirsty stared at the hooked metal rod and wondered what on earth classified it as being art. As far as she could tell it was just a piece of cane from the $2 Shop, painted silver with a pipe cleaner on the end to make the hook which was also painted silver.
          “Isn’t it fantastic!” Patrick beamed.
          “No. It’s shite,” Kirsty replied.
          “Don’t you see what it represents?” he asked, looking stunned that she hated it.
          “Uh, a waste of an arts grant?"
          “Use your imagination woman. It represents the slow decay of society."
          “It’s a hook."
          “Yes! It’s clearly dragging us down."
          “Oh mother of god.” Kirsty looked to the ceiling. Patrick grabbed her and dragged her over to a painting of a woman spread-eagled on a chair.
          “Do you know what this represents?” he asked her.
          “The rebirthing of society,” Kirsty sighed.
          “Exactly! How did you know?"
          “It’s clearly obvious Patrick. Either that or the artist is a sick perve."
          “I’m so glad we’ve got so many things in common,” Patrick gushed.
          “Eh, yeah,” Kirsty said in a rather pained way as her phone started to beep. “I’ll just take this over there.” She wandered over to a sculpture of a dead seagull to check the message. ‘Oh my god my boyfriend is psychotic!’
          ‘I think mine’s out on day release too,’ Kirsty replied as Patrick reappeared and insisted she come and see ‘this absolutely brilliant painting’, which turned out to be a red dot in the middle of a large white canvas.

          “So what’s the plan for today?” Chris asked over lunch.
          “Well I don’t know what you have planned but Lavinia and the girls are taking me to the salon for a facial and then it’s shopping in the city, then cocktails at the club and who knows what time we'll finish there. I'm so glad you made me go out with them. I never realised what I was missing out on and I owe it all to you,” Penny gushed as she got up from the table. Chris stared at her. She was dressed in strappy sandals, tweed three-quarter pants and a satin v-neck singlet.
          “You’re going out dressed like that?” he asked, not sure his eyes were functioning correctly.
          “I know! Isn’t it gorgeous? And just so comfy too.” Penny wrapped her arms around him and pecked him on the cheek. “Now you be a good boy while I’m gone."
          “I’ll try my best,” Chris sighed as he watched her totter out the front door.
          “Oh god I hate this,” Penny muttered as she tugged at her singlet, pulled her undies out of her butt and wriggled her feet around in her sandals.

          Liam stood in front of his mirror and flexed his muscles. Now he was back training he’d quickly regained his form again.
          “Yes I am gorgeous. Who wouldn’t want me?” he murmured and stroked his pecs.
          “Me for one,” Ross announced, casually leaning against the doorframe.
          “What the hell are you doing here?” Liam gasped, turning around.
          “Bored,” Ross shrugged. “You got any beer?"
          “No, I don’t drink while I’m training,” Liam said haughtily.
          “Why?"
          “It inhibits my performance."
          “You’re only amateur league mate,” Ross mused. “And even then you’re getting on a bit for that."
          “Hey I’m not that…” Liam flailed about and then changed the subject. “How did you get in?"
          “The door was open,” Ross shrugged. “You should learn to lock it. Any old weirdo could walk in and take off with your prized picture of whathisface."
          “Gavin Wangerneen. He’s a Brownlow medallist."
          “Is that an Aboriginal thing?"
          Liam closed his eyes and counted back from ten. “I’m really, really not in the mood Mutt."
          “I’m not surprised what with Jools running off with the handsome gardener with a butt like two firm bags of mulch."
          Liam raised an eyebrow. “And you’re not the least bit concerned about Kirsty off canoodling with the moneybags advertising executive."
          Ross went from cocky to pouting five-year-old in half a second. “I hope he’s crushed to death under the weight of his own ego."
          “You may challenge him for that right."
          Ross sighed heavily. “What’re we going to do? Because I don’t know about you but it makes me physically ill thinking about my woman cavorting with another man, especially Patrick."
          “Jools already told me that she’s happy with Ryan and that she’d rather not get hurt again,” Liam shrugged, finally deciding to put a shirt on. “I figure I’m just going to have to be happy with being known as her ‘friend’ Liam when she invites me to her garden wedding to that fucking tanned, nature-loving bastard."
          “I’m sensing some hidden resentment."
          “Believe me, it's not that hidden."
          “At least the guy comes with his own quicklime,” Ross mused and Liam grinned.
          “So any suggestions to how we make them see the light and come back into our waiting arms/pants/beds?"
          “Not really,” Ross sighed. “Guess we should just be happy they still want to be friends."
          Liam nodded then looked toward the kitchen. “I want beer."
          “I thought you didn’t…”
          “This is an emergency!"

          “Oh my God Penelope you look…better,” Portia gushed as the hairdresser gave Penny’s hair a final spritz. It had been streaked, straightened and possibly plastered down with araldite.
          “I think now we need to take Penelope somewhere special so she can get a little something for that man of hers,” Lavinia smiled somewhat smugly and the girls quickly ushered Penny out into the street. They walked only a few doors down until they came to a small boutique, which from the window clearly wasn’t selling teddy bears.
          The group tumbled into the shop and then dispersed with squeals coming from behind large racks of bodices, g-strings, fluffy brassieres and all manner of skimpy nightwear.
          “What about this one?” Chantal giggled, holding up a white teddy with fluffy bra cups.
          “No,” Lavinia scorned. “It has to be perfect."
          “This one!” shrieked Mercedes, rushing over with a pale blue corset with matching pale blue French knickers.
          “Yes, try it on,” Lavinia ordered, shoved it in Penny’s hands and bustled her into one of the tiny change rooms.
          Penny felt horribly self-conscious wearing the see-through and minimal underwear and it wasn’t helped by the group of women gawking at her and scrutinising so intently that it made her blush quite deeply.
          “It’s just not sexy enough,” Ambrosia sighed.
          “I’ve found the perfect thing!” Portia gasped, red faced and exhausted after much searching through mountains of lingerie. She held up a deep blue corset with matching tiny lace knickers.
          “I’ve never seen anything more perfect,” Chantal nodded.
          “Portia darling, you get it and we’ll get Penelope to a waxer,” Lavinia declared.
          “Y’what?” Penny gasped with much fear for her nether regions.
          “Are we talking Brazillian?” Ambrosia asked with too much concern.
          “No!” Penny shrieked but was ignored and dragged with much force back to the salon.

          Julia was walking up the driveway when she heard the distinct thumping of the music that emanated from Patrick’s car. He screeched to halt, and Kirsty seemed to very quickly get out and then he sped off.
          “Is it true what they say about cars?” Julia mused as Kirsty joined her.
          “Yeah,” Kirsty smirked. “And to think, Ross doesn’t own a car."
          Julia sniggered as they both headed for the door. “I’m so glad to be home."
          “The wonderful world of Camellias not as exciting as you would have liked, huh?"
          “It wasn’t the plants, it was Ryan who was the boring little tit."
          “I should get Patrick to take you to a modern art exhibition."
          “Oh?"
          “I wanted to impale myself on a large garden stake that was apparently a sculpture of the moral decay of society."
          “Ryan doesn’t like your Blood of China, Tianamen Square analogy."
          “Prick,” Kirsty sighed and collapsed into a couch.
          Julia settled herself into the other as her phone began to ring. It was Ryan and she promptly turned off her phone and hid it under her umbrella plant.
          The girls let out collective sighs before jumping as the doorbell rang. They shared the same look that said if it was Ryan and Patrick they were fleeing out the back and hiding in the cat pen.
          Julia reluctantly got up and opened the door. “Evening."
          “I bought DVD’s,” Ross announced, holding up a selection of movies.
          “I bought snacks,” Liam added, holding up bags of junk food.
          “And we bought Twister!” Ross perked.
          “I bought beer and chocolate milk!” Liam set them down on the coffee table.
          “You brought them why?” Kirsty asked, staring at the pair of them.
          “Because that’s what good friends do,” Ross grinned.
          “How do you know we don’t have other plans?” Julia asked suspiciously.
          “Do you have other plans?” Liam countered, raising an eyebrow.
          “I was planning on watering my Peace Lily,” Kirsty announced.
          “I was planning on reading the Bible alone in bed,” Julia added.
          “I know that’s a lie,” Ross mused and raised an eyebrow.
          “Why are you really here?” Julia asked, crossing her arms and looking at them suspiciously.
          “Movies, drinks and twister,” Liam shrugged innocently.
          “I don’t know what perverted reason you think we’re here for,” Ross added mockingly.
          Kirsty and Julia looked at each other, shrugged, and then grabbed the snacks from Liam.

          “So how was your afternoon out with the girls?” Chris asked as Penny walked through the front door.
          “It was fantastic!” she beamed as she grabbed a cushion to sit down on.
          “Why’d you just do that?"
          “All the girls do it. I thought you wanted me to be like them."
          “I wanted you to get to know them not turn into one of them."
          “But don’t you want me to be one of your people?"
          “Hell no!"
          “Took you bloody long enough to tell me!” Penny announced. “Do you have any idea what I’ve had to put up with?"
          “It can’t have been that bad."
          “I’m not even going to tell you what I’ve been put through. Especially today."
          “What do you mean by that?"
          “Well, let me just say, my fun bits are now bald."
          Chris was flabbergasted and for a few minutes didn’t say a word, just sat opening and closing his mouth. “Can I see?"
          “Chris!"

          “Which one of you chose these movies?” Kirsty asked as she looked at the selection. They had Dirty Dancing, Platoon, the Wedding Singer, Love Actually and Rocky Horror Picture Show.
          “We just got movies we thought we’d all like,” Liam shrugged.
          “You slept through Love Actually last time we rented it,” Julia remarked, looking at him.
          “You said Platoon was too scary,” Kirsty mused, looking at Ross.
          “I’m being brave because you’re my friend."
          “How about you two pick a movie while we go put the snacks in,” Kirsty declared as she and Julia took the snacks into the kitchen.
          “Do we believe a word they’re saying?” Julia asked, opening a packet of Chicken Twisties.
          “Nope,” Kirsty shook her head as she opened the Clinkers.
          “We’re going to end up sleeping with them you know."
          “I know. The real question is which movie will we abandon to go do it?"
          “I’d like to take a wild guess and say about halfway through the second movie. Whatever that is,” Julia mused.
          “I think you’re overestimating things. Won’t make it to the end of the first movie!"
          “What are you two doing in there?” Ross yelled out, both hungry and anxious.
          “Catching butterflies."
          “Is it a Monarch?"
          “No, just a commoner,” Kirsty replied as she and Julia took the bowls of snacks out into the lounge.
          “So what movie are we watching first?” Julia asked plonking herself next to Liam.
          “Well, after much discussion we decided on The Wedding Singer,” Liam declared, switching off the lights as they all settled in to watch the movie.

          Some time later…

          “God I love Billy Idol,” Kirsty sighed. “Sorry, did I just say that aloud?"
          “What?” Ross asked as Julia started to giggle.
          “I meant musically.” Julia laughed even harder.
          “Are there any other strange rock stars you have a fetish for that I should know about?” Ross asked, not sure if he liked the idea.
          “Well there is Justin Hawkins from The Darkness. I think it’s the tight jumpsuit."
          “Better watch out Ross. She’ll be asking you to peroxide your hair and throw on some lycra,” Liam cackled.
          “And Jools will be asking you not to wax your chest cos she likes a bit of a rug to run her fingers through," Ross retorted.
          “Yeah,” Kirsty added. “Why do you think she likes Ryan so much? It’s certainly not for his personality."
          “You said you liked my smooth chest. You said it was like running your hands over a finely carved piece of furniture,” Liam looked at her in shock.
          “I lied. I just wanted to sleep with you,” Julia shrugged.
          “Have you lied about anything to sleep with me?” Ross asked Kirsty.
          “God no. You’re already a slut,” she answered with a wry smile. “Have you ever lied to me?"
          “I wasn’t really a virgin for our first time.” Everyone burst into laughter.
          “Since we’re all asking, have you lied to me about anything?” Julia asked, now curious.
          Liam was quiet for a long time. “Jack’s not my only kid.” Julia stared at him in absolute shock.
          “Gotcha!” he laughed.
          “That’s not funny. Some people can’t have children because they go through menopause at the age of twelve."
          “Yeah Liam, you insensitive bastard.” Kirsty glared at him.
          “Oh shit I never knew. I’m sorry."
          “Gotcha!” Julia cackled.
          “You two are nasty pieces of work."
          “We convinced Jools’s parents that she’d run off to Queensland and eloped,” Kirsty grinned.
          “Oh yeah,” Julia nodded. “Remind me I have to post those forms off Monday."
          “So what movie are we going to watch next?” Liam asked, picking up the remaining boxes.
          “Ross, I need to show you something in my room,” Kirsty said with as much subtlety as a freight train.
          “But I want to watch the next movie."
          “Believe me you want to see this."
          “Why? Oh. Right.” As realisation finally dawned on him, Kirsty grabbed his arm and dragged him off to her bedroom.
          “What do you think she’s showing him?” Liam asked innocently.
          “Gee I don’t know. Maybe she’s showing him what the clothes she’s wearing look like scattered around her room."
          “Nah, she’s much too tidy for that."
          “You are such an idiot,” Julia sighed, shaking her head sadly.

          Chris had been working on an equation for work and wanted Penny’s opinion on it. He walked into the bedroom and stopped dead when he looked up at Penny.
          “You stay right there. I’ll be out of my pants in two seconds,” he gasped as Penny lay on the bed in her new blue undies. He struggled with the zip and got the pants halfway down as he started towards the bed. He stumbled as the pants fell around his ankles, went flying onto the bed and ended up sprawled across her.
          “I didn’t mean that,” he gasped as she grunted in pain.
          “You realise you just landed on my bad ankle,” she gasped.
          “I know. I’m really sorry. I’ll kiss it better if you like,” he said as he winced in pain. “Pen I don’t feel so good."
          “Maybe we should take you to the hospital and make sure you’re ok,” Penny sighed.
          “I’m f…” Chris managed before passing out.
          “Just great,” Penny muttered as she managed to get her feet out from under Chris.

          Kirsty opened her bedroom door and switched on her bedside light. The room illuminated and showed nothing new or important which confused Ross’s tiny male brain.
          “So what did you want to show me?"
          “My stamp collection."
          “You don’t collect stamps,” Ross frowned, bewildered. Kirsty rolled her eyes and grabbed him by the shirt lapels. “Oh,” he smiled and eagerly met her lips with his own.
          Kirsty had almost forgotten what a fantastic kisser Ross was in comparison to Patrick who was like a sloppy teenager. Actually she wondered if Patrick had ever actually been with a woman because he clearly had no idea what to do. Unlike Ross who knew exactly what to do and at the moment that involved letting all the cravings she’d been harbouring for him come spilling out in lots of frantic groping.

          “Why on earth did you choose Platoon?” Julia sighed as she watched one of the young marines get several limbs blown off.
          “I chose randomly,” Liam shrugged as Charlie Sheen smashed open the brains of some poor retarded Vietnamese boy.
          “How romantic."
          “We’re friendsm we don’t need romance."
          “Oh my god…you are a complete idiot aren’t you?"
          “I take offence to that."
          Julia readjusted herself so she was sitting facing Liam. “Liam, sweetie, Kirsty and Ross went off to fuck.” She paused. “That clear enough for you?"
          “Oh, right.” Liam blinked then looked back at the television screen as Tom Beringer took out William Dafoe.
          “Y’know, I was kinda thinking we could do the same."
          “What? Take out Willam Dafoe?"
          “FUCK!"
          “Language."
          “I hate you."
          “That’s harsh."
          “I hope you’re eaten by falcons."
          “Falcons? In Australia?"
          Julia let out a frustrated cry, got up from the couch and did her best attempt at a storm out. Which generally involved trying not to fall over anything and slamming her bedroom door.
          Liam started to giggle, switched off the television and made his way to Julia’s bedroom door. He went to open it but stopped, ripped off his shirt and then opened it. Julia was only visible by the rather prominent lump in the covers. He swaggered across the room, lifted up the sheets and crawled underneath.
          “You’re invading my mattress,” Julia huffed.
          “I’ll be invading more in a moment,” Liam grinned as he brought his lips closer to hers. “Do you honestly think I’m that stupid?"
          “It's possible,” Julia mused, edging her lips closer to his.
          “Do you really like that poncy gardener?"
          “What gardener?” Julia giggled, pushing Liam back onto the mattress and finally kissing him.

          In suburbs not to far away…

          “How the fuck did he fall off the stage?"
          “He’s not breathing?"
          “Yes he is!"
          “There’s a lot of blood."
          “We should call someone."
          “His Mum?"
          “I was thinking someone with medical experience."
          “My sister is a vet nurse."
          “You’re out of the band."
          “I can’t feel my legs."
          “It's ok Rob, help is coming."

          And…

          “James Douglas what a surprise."
          “It’s not mine, honest."
          “Just appeared did it?"
          “Yep."
          “You bought it off of an undercover police officer."
          “Nah that was my brother."
          “Mr Douglas."
          “Yeah that’s the fella."
          “James."
          “I thought it was bulbs mate, for me mum."
          The police officer sighed heavily. “Someone cuff him and take him in before I capsicum spray him by accident."
          “Sarge,” another officer nodded.
          “You’ve got nothin’” Jimmy protested as the cuffs clasped around his wrists. “This is harassment, police brutality!"