Q: Have you learned anything since you've started fanfic writing?
A: Harriet says: "That I'm bloody good, lol. Seriously, I finally know I'm good at something. I've also learnt that computers are evil and you can make good friends over the internet.”
Gnome says: “How to battle html code. Always back up your files. Reviews make you feel good. If you’ve got writer’s block, you can always offer your services as an editor. Collaboration is immensely fun. It’s good to try a different writing style. Writing too much gives you strange Proops dreams.”

Q: Will any of the other "Whose Line" guys be showing up in "It’s Not Over Until the Fondue Burns?"
A: Doubtful, unless they become important to the story line. So far they're not integral.

Q: What the hell is "Play School"?
A: Harriet says: "An Australian children's show for the under fives, which they've tried to make trendy by having various celebrities as the hosts. Mind you, they're still singing the same songs they sang when I was a kid."

Q: What does phagocytosis mean?
A: It’s the process by which cells surround and engulf a food particle that is then digested, exciting huh!

Q: What do the flying monkeys eat?
A: It depends on what's available, sometimes they eat bananas, nuts and cookies. While other times they eat pork sausages, the flesh of small puppies and children.

Q: Do Fondsworth and Harold ever argue?
A: They have their moments. For example the other day Fondsworth wanted to play his favorite David Hasslehoff record and Harold got a bit tetchy, he prefers his classical music. So he started flinging his shit at Fondsworth. It was a shocker, it took Gnome's sister hours to clean up...

Q: You've previously mentioned that Gina and Fenny are not based on yourselves. So where do their personalities and characteristics come from?
A: Gina and Fenny are the creations of our warped and demented minds. We are totally against writing ourselves into our stories and it would be against our morals to do so under pseudonyms. So please, take our words for it, we are not, we repeat, not Fenny and Gina.

Q: Is Adelaide really a hole?
A: Harriet says: "Let's put it this way, Adelaide as a city is about one street, there's high unemployment and lots of people get murdered here. But, it is my home city, so I kinda like it"

Q: You're obsessed with this murder thing, there hasn't really been that many in Adelaide has there?
A: Harriet says: "Oh yes, we had the ‘bodies in the barrels’ recently, I think they've found 12 from that and they're still going, there was the Truro murders, the Family Murders, not to mention all the ones that aren’t serial murders. Why only the other week someone was bumped off a few streets away from me."

Q: Is there really a Hilton Hotel?
A: Harriet says: "There certainly is, I had my second school formal there...but that's another story. It’s right near the law courts (ironic really) and around the corner from the biggest gay club in Adelaide the ‘Mars Bar’."

Q: Do you ever feel you're becoming obsessed with your fics?
A: Harriet says: "That depends, would you call feeling guilty because your listening to Paul and writing about Greg obsessive?"
Gnome says: “I have a tendency to have very strange dreams revolving around the mental health of Greg Proops…does that answer your question?”

Q: Do you think the public should be informed of the infidelities of politicians?
A: While this type of event is a brightner on everyday political news and creates a literal feeding frenzy of comedy, we really don't need to know about it. There's nothing more likely to destroy any thoughts of getting it on than the image of two politicians rubbing uglies on the President's/ Prime Minister's desk.

Q: Do you know the words to the national anthem?
A: Harriet says: "I do now, well the Australian National Anthem..."Australians all let us rejoyce for we are young and free, with golden soil and wealth for toil our home is girt by sea..." Girt...how many people have used the word girt...ever?”
Gnome says: “They instill it in us when we’re like three over here, and I’ve seen enough baseball games for it to be ingrained in my psyche for all time. Although it took me until like the 7th grade to realize that it was ‘broad stripes and bright stars’ because the singers always garble that bit…”

Q: What the hell does girt mean?
A: Harriet says: "I think it means surrounded...like you could be girt by dogs, small children or Afghani terrorists. You could also say Oprah is girt by her ego, Letterman is girt by bad writers and Gnome is girt by padded walls.”
Gnome says: “girt: past tense of ‘gird’; v. 1. encircle, attach, or secure. 2. enclose or encircle.”

Q: Have you ever considered scaling Mount Everest?
A: We have often pondered climbing the worlds largest mountain after our successful climb of K2 last year. As you know K2 is the harder to climb, and although we lost several of the party along the way and while both Gnome and Harriet suffered minimal frost bite, there is a hankering to go for the big one. This would only be done if we could take the journey with the same Sherpas we had for K2. Pictures of the K2 expedition will be available soon.

Q: We've heard rumours that you were recently involved in the uncovering of some rare Egyptian artefacts, so rare they were found in Bali?
A: Yes, that's true. We applied to out lord and master for the expedition to Bali, after hearing of some possible rare artefacts in, surprisingly, a five star hotel. Gnome and Harriet spent hours on the beach, in quaint restaurants and haggling with locals. Although we were unfortunate not be able to bring the artefacts home, we did come back with several brand name rip off t-shirts and a selection of duty free goods.

Q: We understand you participate in charity work, what exactly do you do?
A: We are currently part of a fabulous organization called "The Pants Don't Fit." It’s where a group of dedicated volunteers work to find some pants that fit the men of Whose Line and some shirts that don't make you feel ill at first glance. Gnome also participates in a weekly event which involves rubbing baby oil over Brad's naked flesh. It’s not actually for charity, nor does it raise money. She merely does it because she enjoys it.

Q: You are obviously both geniuses, have the lucrative offers been rolling in yet?
A: They certainly have, Harriet has been approached from the writers of The Drew Carey Show, ER, Dawson's Creek and David Letterman as they are screaming for her plot ideas. While Harriet feels she couldn't possibly save Dave from the pittance that is projected every week. She is in talks with several of the others and recently announced that "It would be nice to see Dawson finally coming out." Gnome has been fending off offers from various galleries and promoters who are screaming for her to hold an art show. Gnome has also been involved in the set design of Will & Grace and designed the cover of Mariah Carey's new CD.

Q: We thought your fics were "Whose Line" ones, they seem to be involving more and more outside character, why?
A: Does the word "plot" scare you? To base a fic solely around the "Whose Line" guys is futile, especially in a series like "Fondue." These fics wouldn't be possible without Ritza, Rona, Gina, Fenny and now Paul. They are what keep it rolling and make it fun, enjoyable and exciting. It’s also what makes you a good writer. If you can create a character that people become involved with, you know you’ve succeeded. And let’s face it...Everyone hates Ritza!

Q: What on earth made you decide to have Gina and Paul have sex? Doesn't this drag it away from the "Whose Line" element?
A: We felt as writers that it was important for the storyline for Gina and Paul to do the deed. It created a further sense of confusion around Gina, who will she choose now? He is also still technically her husband who she has often mentioned she is still in love with. Had it not been crucial for the story line we would have avoided that whole thing, it in no way pleased either writer that such a scene should be included.

Q: I recently read in "The National Enquirer" that "It’s Not Over Until The Fondue Burns" is going to be made into a movie, is this true?
A: We have been approached by several directors screaming for the rights to make the movie. So far the best offer has come from Australian director Baz Luhrmann (he was the guy that did Moulin Rouge) and both Greg and Brad have signed on. Paul is exceptionally busy rehearsing a musical at the moment and is causing a bit of a hassle, but he has shown an interest. We are yet to cast Fenny, Gina, Ritza and Rona. If all goes well filming should start early next year.

Q: What the most bizarre thing you've done with a broomstick?
A: Gnome recently created an art work that sold for $50,000 titled 'Broom.' It involves 24 brooms, 3 mops and a duster. It was a very modern, provocative piece of work. Harriet wrote a 300 page report on the broomstick and its value in society. It should be available in paperback later in the year.

Q: Have either of you had the opportunity to work in close relation with any of the "Whose Line" men?
A: Late last year Harriet had the opportunity to work in the wardrobe department of "Whose Line." She found herself working countless hours on the fittings, she believed things had to fit just right. One wardrobe assistant said there was barely a time that Greg Proops pants were not draped over something as Harriet took precise measurements. We've mentioned previously that Gnome has a weekly setup involving Brad Sherwood and baby oil. Although, this may soon change to lashing of chocolate sauce.

Q: Is there any other characters mentioned in your fics that you've had the opportunity to be associated with?
A: Gnome has been known to take frequent trips to the United Kingdom for special sessions with Tony Slattery. While she's never actually said what they do, there is a rumour circulating that it has something to do with bondage gear and jello. While Harriet has confessed to being Paul McDermott's love bitch and can often be seen through a good camera lens, sporting a nurse's uniform.

Q: What will you be doing as we read this?
A: Gnome says: "Making more jello."
Harriet says: "Trying to get the stains out of my nurse's uniform."

Q: What would you like to see happen at the end of "Its Not Over Until The Fondue Burns?"
A: After a furied debate this is what we'd like to see: Gina and Greg elope to Mongolia to bring up a herd of goats, until Gina realises her love lies with the head goat and leaves Greg. Greg moves to Somalia to help the starving kiddies. Brad finally pledges his love to Ritza and she confesses it is his child. While they marry back in the states, Rona and Paul realise they are long lost siblings and set out to retrace their family and Fenny finally confesses her true love to heavy number two, after a night of furied passion at a truck stop.

Q: The Lone Ocelot asked us: What' behind the "story list" icon?
A: Page 70 of Stephen Fry’s The Hippopotamus, that's what "…and suddenly your mind can no longer support the notion of a whole world full of life and objects and fellow-humans. The very idea of a universe appears monstrous and you become unable to participate. What on earth does that tree think it is up to? Why is that heap of gravel sitting there so patiently? What am I doing, staring out a window? Why are all these molecules of glass hanging together so as to allow me to look through them? The moment passes, of course, and we return to the proper realm of our dull thoughts and our duller newspapers: in less than a second we are part of the world again, ready to be irritated into apoplexy by the stupidity of a government minister or lured into caring about some asinine new movement in conceptual art; once again we become a part of the great compost heap.” Ok technically that's more than you see, but it’s just so darn good!

Q: Kathleen asked: I'm starting to think Gina is whacked...How could she consider Paul over Greg?
A: If you really need this explaining then we truly pity you. But for the sheer amusement of it, we shall say that it is important to the storyline that Gina undergo a certain amount of emotional turmoil, this is deepened by the animalistic love making herself and Paul undertook in the hotel. She is now torn between the man she loves and the man she can't have. It boils back to the soapie nature of the whole thing. The short answer to this question is "Because Harriet said so."

Q: If you were to auction something on Ebay, what would you choose?"
A: Harriet says she would auction a video she found in Gnome's "Special Draw," it contains Gnome, Tony Slattery, a kiddies paddling pool and a lot of purple jello. (After slapping Harriet around a bit) Gnome says she would auction a set of interesting polaroids of Harriet in a nurses uniform, administering something that resembles strawberry sauce to various parts of Paul McDermott's anatomy. (One stapler chucking incident later) Harriet announced she would also auction "that" pair of Brad Sherwood's boxer shorts, the one Gnome keeps under her pillow. (After asking how Harriet knows) Gnome would throw in a certain pair of lime green underpants.
(The scuffle that followed cannot be printed as it was deemed too violent for a F.A.Q's page.)

Q: Do you guys have any nicknames for each other?
A: Gnome is known around the office as "Miss Stinky," "Queen of the Comma," "Speccy Spice," "Isadora Princess of the Staple People," "Brad's Walking Tongue Bath," "Unstable," and "Scary When Armed With a ‘HTML for Dummies’ Book." Harriet is often called "Tirade," "McDermott's Wench," "Plot Genius," "Violent Towards Strangers," "Gerbil Girl," "Zandra Leader of The Republic of Deskjet" and "The Squelchy One."

Q: Do you guys really have an office?
A: Of course, we spend several hours a day throwing about ideas for our fics and site. This time is often divided up by abuse hurling at the computers/internet/messenger and the beating of hardware with heavy books. Several hours a day are also spent on the writing of fresh and exciting chapters of our fics, for your entertainment. While Harriet's wage is paid by the Australian Government, Gnome recieves money through the extra "chores" she does for the previously mentioned Misters Slattery and Sherwood.

Q: Why have you used a picture of Paul as a button? We thought the site was dedicated to "Whose Line"?
A: We used the picture of Paul as we feel he has now become and integral part of the "culture" we have created. He is also one of the stars of our latest fic, so it’s only right he should be included. Besides, it’s a really funky picture and Harriet thinks he looks hot. (Enough with obsession already - Gnome)

Q: Why have you decided to write a log?
A: We thought it might be entertaining for those who appreciate our work to read about what we get up to and what processes we go through. It’s also a great insight into our demented minds and the people and animals we associate with in our everyday lives. It’s really the bits about fanfic writing that people don't mention. The stress, the pressure, the violence toward computer software. We just hope you enjoy reading about our zany adventures.

Q: So how much of the log is real?
A: Not a word, all complete bullshit! Ok, the computer violence is real. But we seriously don't have a copy boy called Doug...his name is Giles.

Q: What is on the wall paper of the "Pit Log"?
A: There is Harold, working furiously. The only picture we have as he hates the camera flashes and gets violent when they go off. Braddles, looking a miserble bastard. Braddles’ boxer shorts, yes they really are his. Gnome took them after one of her "baby oil" sessions. Greg, looking highly speccy. Pauly, looking divine. And Fondsworth, looking like Greg. That's the picture we're using on his "missing gerbil" poster.

Q: Do you guys fight as much as you say?
A: Oh god yes, it’s all part of the foreplay thing...nothing is more a turn on than a big, violent, sweaty fight then a bout of rough, animalistic sex...Oh, you mean us - Harriet and Gnome...(sheepish laugh) Oh, we have our spats. Things like "Harriet, stop bloody mentioning Paul or I'm cutting off your supply of green pens," and "Gnome, if you've worn the lips off another picture of Brad--" and "Harriet, there's strawberry sauce everywhere," and "Gnome, I slipped on baby oil and nearly died," and "Harriet what the fuck does 'googlies' mean?" and "Gnome what are these stains on my desk?" (Actually...Gnome...what are these stains on my desk?)

Q: In chapter 29 you wrote the lyrics of several songs, what songs were they taken from?
A: Oh yes, the songs Paul sang as he played "radio" there was, "I've Got The Music In Me" "We Laugh About it Now" and "Build Me Up Buttercup" the improvised song at the end really is improvised. Harriet made it up as she went along.

Q: You’ve said you have offices, what do they look like?
A: Gnome's office is painted the most glorious shade of blue, or at least we think it is. There are so many scribbled drawings pinned to the wall, on the desk, floor and around the bin...we kinda can't tell anymore. Her computer is battered and bruised and makes a charming hacking noise when turned on. Amongst the scribbles are pictures of some of her favorite things: Brad, Tony, The Who and Harold before he changed. There's a mug that lives on her desk with the words "Just Back Away Slowly" on it and of course her stuffed moose who Harold is getting exceedingly jealous of. Harriet's office is a unique shade of green, she doesn't have a computer, just a tired old typewriter in the corner that she taps away on. There's copious pictures of Paul and Greg plastering her wall, along with her "Hang in There" cat and a whip. Like Gnome's desk, Harriet's too is covered in paper, along with dictionaries, thesauruses and newspapers. She also has a mug that simply reads "Fuck Off" and there is a dartboard with a picture of David Letterman on it for relaxation.

Q: Are you gym junkies?
A: (the writer pulls herself up from the floor and wipes the tears of laughter from her eyes) not even close, we do get exercise. We're often found running away from Harold when he's in a "mood" and we spend time pulling pranks on Doug. Our most frequent and most fun form of exercise is a good bout of rampant, animalistic, lust crazed sex. And the best bit about that is the chocolate sauce and the cosy nap straight after.

Q: Do you have any other staff working for you?
A: No we just have Doug, poor, sweet Doug. We used to have Melanie who was the receptionist. But Harriet got upset with her and there was a bit if a "hole punch" incident and she left. Gnome tried to employ an assistant but they seemed uneasy with the boxes of jello. That's why she got the monkey.

Q: Do you see a lot of each other during the day? Or are you too busy working?
A: I think we hear more than we see. Harriet often hears Gnome yelling "HAROLD PUT THAT DOWN, YOU’LL HAVE SOMEONE'S EYE OUT," and Gnome usually hears "DIGGER YOU GOIT STOP BURROWING IN MY LUNCHBOX" and Harriet has heard on occasion, when Gnome has visitors "More jelly, more jelly…OH GOD MORE JELLY" and Gnome has heard, frequently "Please Miss may I have some more 'twack' ahhh...Please Miss may I have some more 'twack'" (Hey, Harri...what is that "twacking" noise?)

Q: Why on earth did you have Brad and Gina skinny dipping?
A: Why not? It could have been anyone, Fenny and Paul, Paul and Greg, Greg and Brad, Fenny and Gina...it could have been and all in nudefest with bits bouncing all over the place. But we refrained and you should be happy with only that modest bit of nudity. Besides, it’s Brad and we were under the assumption that having him naked was a good thing.

Q: Does it worry you that people might actually be using your words/sayings/phrases now?
A: We find that thought quite disturbing. Really, do you want to utter the same bullshit day in, day out that we do? Its not like quoting "Whose Line", where things are actually funny. You're quoting the deranged and sadistic thoughts of people you don't even know. Get therapy!

Q: What do you think of your fans?
A: We have fans? No really? Do we, because if we do...that's just freaky. This means people are, god forbid, spending countless hours reading the crap we churn out because, let's face it now, our lives are less than interesting. Could it be there are people that are actually more mind numbingly sad that ourselves? A tip for you fans/readers/admirers and hecklers - Turn the computer off and go outside. Beecause god knows, we won't.

Q: I want to contact Doug, I feel so sorry for him. Is there some way I can?
A: Doug, you want to contact Doug? Well if we let him near the computer and his hands heal significantly enough to type, you can email him at - dougthemug@hotmail.com. If he says anything about a malice or acid...just ignore him.

Q: You guys sound like you have a lot of fun. What's the best and most enjoyable part of your day?
A: There certainly are plenty of enjoyable parts of the day. Ranging from Doug's daily "wedgie" to Harold's impressions of the Marx brothers (I think you'll find that's Karl Marx - Gnome) Oh shit...ahem. Gnome takes great enjoyment in the cleaning of her office. Yet nothing ever looks cleaned and she looks very flushed when she comes out. Harriet meanwhile has a wonderful time when she does the daily count of the stationary. For some reason she locks the door and will often spend all afternoon counting pencils, paper and ink.

Q: I'm confused, if Gnome lives in the States and Harriet in Australia, how do you have an office together?
A: We have countless frequent flyer points. Harriet spends much of her time in the States now, while Gnome has taken to going "Downunder" to get away from Harriet. Most correspondence is done from their offices and they actually rarely encounter each other physically.

Q: How can you keep churning out the ideas, when my thoughts have completely dried up?
A: It’s easy really, we're writing a story which has so many possible plot lines that its very hard to run out of ideas. Whole chapters can spurn from one tiny idea. Take chapter 31, all Harriet had was the idea of "Orange farming" and she managed to make over 7 pages worth of text. If you limit yourself to just the "Whose Line" guys and their families, things get repetitive. Introduce new characters, go wild, but remember you need to write what you think the audience wants to read (And the audience want to read about Paul, huh? - Gnome)

Q: How do you get your dialogue to flow so well?
A: It’s really not that hard, observe how conversations run. Whether they be around you or on television. Learn to write how you talk, it helps with oral presentations too. You must remember to answer everything you have your characters say as you would in real life and you don't always need to have the character’s name in your questions. Sometimes is obvious what's going on.

Q: So do you have much contact with the goat people?
A: Not as much as we used to. The trips to Mongolia have slowed since our workload has increased. Gnome talks to Billy and Gloria at least twice a week on the phone. Apparently young Shawn is about to be a father for the 10th time. Harriet has taken to knitting booties, at least that's what she claims the wool if for. And we shall put to rest those nasty rumours that we sold Doug to Gareth the head goat person. We were actually trying to sell him to Fnord King of the Ferret boys, but there was a nasty baiting incident and it all went pear shaped.

Q: Is their any fuel to the rumour that you've been poisoning the pigeons that perch on the window ledges of your office?
A: Don't be absurd! We have spear guns for that...bloody vermin. There's nothing better than that pained coo they give as the spear tears through their dull plumage. But fear not, they are not treated poorly, Harold takes them and cooks them on a spit for lunch.

Q: Where did you get Satan the office dog?
A: There's a funny story behind the appearance of Satan. Unlike most dogs he wasn't found in the pound/animal shelter/box in the alley/ bottom of the river. No, one night Gnome and Harriet were wandering through the local churchyard, as you do, collecting fungi and looking for fresh graves to tell the monkeys about. When this black puppy appeared from behind one of the tombs. He was snarling and frothing and they decided he was so adorable, they took him home. Sure he was horrible, but after a little "attacking Gnome's sister" incident it was decided he should be relocated to the office and called Satan.

Q: Harold seems to be going through a dictator phase. Has he had any other notable obsessions?
A: Harold is a complex monkey. When first employed he was going through his "80s revival" phase, with a mullet, "Choose Life" t-shirt and bike shorts. This was soon replaced with a bit of a goth thing. He'd listen to The Cure endlessly and slaughter chickens. A little while later he decided to become a nudist for a while. That was quite horrible. Some of his more notable obsessions would be The Power Rangers, Retro and his godliness the Pope. He went so far as to scoot around the office in a "pope mobile." Gnome has said that she doesn't expect his dictator phase to last and says he'll probably go on to drag queen before you know it.

Q: Will you be writing anymore songs into you fics?
A: That all depends on if we find Fondsworth, he is the musical genius. Spent several years composing with the Sydney Symphony Orchestra. He helped Andrew Lloyd Webber pen some of his most famous musicals and has been involved in the soundtracks of several well known television programmes. So, if Fondsworth is located safe and well, there will certainly be more songs.

Q: Is it true you have a new addition to the office?
A: Oh, yeah...Becky. Perfect, bubbly blonde Becky. We had to hire her as she was the only one that applied for the position. Doug seems to like her, Satan wants to eat her, Digger crapped under her desk. She brings food for the monkeys and even Harold is besotted. Rumour has it she and Geocities are old friends. She's even nursing Gnome's scanner and printer back to health.

Q: Any chance there will be a another fic based around Brad, Greg, Fenny and Gina?
A: If there are enough ideas to create another link in the chain then there is a good chance there will be another fic. The problem is you don't want people to tire of the characters and situations. So if we do decide to go a third, there may be some gap in between. Maybe we need a new villain, but then Ritza is so good to hate!

Q: Is it true you have an office betting system set up?
A: Yes, although we don't bet on sports games or which actress is going to adopt a child next. No, we bet on office accidents. Like when Doug will catch his bandage in the shredder and have his arm shredded up to his elbow or will Becky have a nasty "brick in the face" incident? And can Harold go a day without getting Satan's teeth marks in his flesh? So far Gnome is leading the betting, only because she threw a brick at Becky.

Q: How could you have shot Brad?
A: You're worried about Brad when Gina's had her head beaten until thinking isn't possible, Fenny's had a gun thrust at her head and been made to bleed, and Paul's had the shit kicked out of him? How selfish are you? Have sympathy for the other characters. Apart from Greg because he hasn't even had a hair put out of place.

Q: Isn't Brad the first person Ritza has shot?
A: No, she shot Gino first. But he was wearing a bullet proof vest and survived. Brad is the first person she has shot and injured or at least the first one we know about.

Q: Do they heavies have names?
A: Yes, they are named after the Kray brothers - Reg and Ron. The Krays were gangsters in East London in the 60s. They have both died in recent years and were never released from prison.

Q: We're still waiting on more "Bolshie's" and "Rocky," what's keeping Harriet?
A: Gnome has been having serious words with Harriet about that matter and while most of the time these "words" lead to some mild violent acts, Gnome believes she is making a breakthrough and Harriet may have relocated her motivation. If Harriet doesn't get her arse in gear, one of the monkeys may be employed to continue them.

Q: Is all equal in love and war?
A: Of course it’s bloody not. Do you think Osama Bin Laden thought, "Gee I really love America, I love it so much I think I'll crash several of its airlines into landmarks and kill thousands of people"? Do you think the Australian Government thinks, "We love those little refugees so much we'll just put them in a shit hole in the middle of the desert"? There is no love in war. Unless its the love of guns, blood and human misery. There is though, war in love. Just looks at our fics for that. War however, unlike war in love, cannot be solved with lustful make up sex.

Q: Should scientists stay out of our genes?
A: I don't know about you, but I know that I'm bitter, antisocial and freaky enough. Without needing a clone to remind me. Think about it, do we really want some of the prominent people in our lives cloned? President Bush, Pamela Anderson, Michael Jackson and god forbid they should clone bloody Britney Spears. It’s frightening to think that scientists can now map out everything that makes us unique, that makes us who we are. Scientists are the new apostles and Stephen Hawking is God.

Q: Do you think "Popstar" style shows destroy the true nature of musical bands?
A: Well, have any of the "TV made" group survived - NO! They haven't because they are talentless, bimbettes chosen becuase they suit a producers ideal not what the market wants. Why do you think groups like The Beatles, The Who and the Rolling Stones have kept a popular appeal for so long. It’s simple - THEY'RE GOOD.

Q: Is sex safe?
A: It might be if you're not dangling from a chandelier in chain mail, with a whip between your teeth while your partner lies spread eagled on the bed screaming "COME ON - HIT THE TARGET." One place sex is safe is in your imagination. Unless you are a fanfic writer, in which case things just get disturbing and people get hurt. If you want sex to be safe just remember not to do it on a moving vehicle.

Q: What was the song used in Chapter 37 called?
A: It’s called "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed. Although Harriet much prefers Paul McDermott singing it (She would - Gnome)

Q: What do you think of people who obsess over "Whose Line" to the point that they're having stalker like thoughts, toward the guys?
A: We find is disturbing that people, especially the youngens get so caught up and obsessed with "Whose Line" that they need intensive psychotherapy. You know you've gone too far when you plan to name your firstborn "Colin" or you name you dog "Captain Hair." Now, sure, we ourselves show some obsessive behaviour, but Gnome is a recovering whoserholic and attends meetings regularly. Her treatment involves copious amounts of chocolate and four hour viewings of "The Wayne Brady Show" to prove it’s not all good. (Harriet can’t get her mind off Paul McDermott long enough to obsess over anything else—an intervention is being planned – Gnome)

Q: Have you heard about the new "Rocky Horror" telemovie?
A: Yes, and we're refusing to watch it. For those of you not in the know, Frank will no longer me a mad scientist from Transylvania. No, he's be a top plastic surgeon living in a trendy penthouse. Also, it’s being retitled to "The Rocky Horror Birthday Show." This is nothing short of outrageous. So we're urging all you "Rocky" fans to protest against this destruction of a cult and bombard the moron or (American who came up with the idea) with loads of hate mail.

Q: Do you have a specific piece of music that inspires you when you write?
A: Harriet says: "I made a CD especially for writing too, unfortunately and I'm ashamed to say this. Shakira's "Underneath Your Clothes" seems to inspire me (hey, can you tell?) Although, that sad confession is made better by the fact that I don't actually like any of the rest of her music.”
Gnome says: “I’ve not been inspired much of late, but I find that depressing music and Pink Floyd can be very conducive to writing, although some good Big Band stuff is good for writing chase scenes…”

Q: Is there a saying that inspires you?
A: Harriet says: "At the moment it’s a song lyric; ‘They're terrified of us, the geeks, the freaks, the losers. We're united in our plight now. We'll let no one else abuse us. The winners streak is almost at an end, and why now, just look around you. There's more of us than them’."
Gnome says: “Robin Williams once said, ‘the problem is that god gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time,’ which is the basis of much of my writing.”

Q: Have you ever had any geeky musical tastes?
A: Harriet says: "What do you mean? My tastes are still geeky. I like nothing better than bad 80s Aussie rock. Jimmy Barnes is a god (just nod in agreement.) The Hoodoo Guru's and everyone else that was a one hit wonder in that era. Sure, I've been through the whole "boy band thing" and thought the New Kids were musical geniuses. But I think the pinnacle of my musical geekiness actually lies in the fact that, I like singing comedians more than pop stars!
Gnome says: “I am proud to say that I always hated boy bands. Growing up, however, my mother instilled in me a love for bad 70s acoustic pop, like America, but I never could get into guys like Bread. And while I live for the Who and Zeppelin and Floyd, I am a closet Monkee-freak. What can you do?”

Q: Why did you refer to Ozzy Osbourne’s brain as being useless?
A: Firstly the authors views are not shared by the characters. Secondly, have you not watched the Osbournes? The guy is a goit and thirdly, the sequence in which it was written involved the blowing up of Paul's parents car. If that happened to you, you'd been screaming some pretty nasty stuff too and we imagine it might involve famous people. Also, Harriet would have said "Alexander Downer's" brain, but you wouldn't know who he is.

Q: Why can't Gina and Greg just get together, they obviously want to?
A: Do they? If you haven't noticed in the last chapter Gina wasn't even talking to Greg. In fact she was screwing Paul's brains out. Besides which, if they just "got together" it wouldn't make the story very interesting. That's the point of a fic, to keep people interested and guessing so they keep reading it. For all you, or we know, Gina might end up with Brad and Fenny with Paul and Greg could still being sleeping with both of them. It’s a fickle world we've created.

Q: Don't you think you're promoting the wrong image, by having your main female characters bed hopping all the time?
A: Probably, but we like it. Sure we could write in Brad having to find an all night chemist to buy condoms or Gina losing her pills. But that's hardly interesting reading is it? The character all love each other (ok, granted the whole Greg, Gina, Paul thing is based on lust) but Fenny and Brad care. Besides it’s all based on our perverse nature and your voyeuristic intentions.

Q: What happened to the guys tuxedos after they left Adelaide?
A: It wasn't written in but they were involved in a tragic "burning in the hotel bath" incident. This is a good question because to be honest, the authors hadn't really thought about it and Harriet is still trying to work out how Paul's shirt regained all its buttons (maybe he's good with a needle and thread.) It’s one of those fanfic mysteries that we'll answer during our upcoming Fonduerama Convention.

Q: I can't wait for the end, can you give us a sneak peek?
A: No, that would be wrong. Although you should be able to guess by "Sex, Lies and Fondue" that we're not fond of happy endings. But then, that could be a lie...we like to twist things. Keep reading and you'll find out.

Q: What were the lyrics from that were used on chapters 40 & 41?
A: In chapter 40, the song was "Love is in the Air" by John Paul Young. In Chapter 41, there were lyrics from "Heard it Through the Grapevine", "I Was Made for Loving You" by Kiss and "Torn Between Two Lovers."

Q: How many "Big" things (the tourist attractions) can you name?
A: Harriet says: "the Big Orange, The Big Pineapple, The Big Lobster, The Big Banana, The Big Marino, The Big Earthworm and the Big Miner. We're not hightly constructive with the naming of things here." Gnome says: “Um, I’m really not much of a tourist…”

Q: Have you lost something recently, and you simply can't find it?
A: Harriet says: "Yes, my tape with Paul McDermott imitating "Britney Spears" by singing "Oops I Did it Again" I've got it twice and can't find it anywhere. Its like my favorite song too. Gnome says: “Yes. I am the queen of lost stuff. I’m missing a couple CDs, my receipt from the post office, that 20$ bill I had two weeks ago, my sense of adventure…”

Q: Do you have more than one or two favorite comedians?
A: Harriet "Yes, it goes in no particular order: Paul McDermott, Greg Proops, Greg Fleet, Scared Weird Little Guys, Tripod, Tim Ferguson, Richard Fidler, Wil Anderson, Adam Spencer, Corinne Grant, Rove McManus, The Three Canadians, Boothby Graffoe, Stewart Lee, Jeff Green, Sean Hughes, Ardal O'Hanlon, Rich Hall, Anthony Morgan, Adam Hiils, Merrick and Rosso, Carl Barron, Peter Burner, James O'Loglin, Flacco, the Sandman, Mark Trevorrow and Wendy Harmer to name just a few." Gnome says: “Of course! Let’s see, in a pretty good order, there’s Greg Proops, Greg Behrendt, Eddie Izzard, Steve Martin, Gilida Radner, Paul McDermott (look what Harriet’s done to me!), George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, Boothby Graffoe, Robin Williams, Zach Galifianakis, Ardal O’Hanlon, Gallagher even though I shouldn’t, Rowan Atkinson, Penn and Teller...”

Q: Ok, so tell us. Whose fetish are the red boxers?
A: The red boxers? What red boxers? No, seriously the red boxers are very much Gnome's fetish (Harriet isn't complaining about that) although Harriet's fetish is pinstripe, but if you want to understand that one...you'll have to ask (pfft, I'll give you a hint. It begins with "P" and ends with "in it" - Gnome)