Q: How long do you think it will be until Crows win another premiership?
A: Not until they get rid of Wayne Carey. Then they'll be right and storm to another premiership.

Q: On a scale of one to ten, how much of a Crows fan are you?
A: Harriet used to be about a ten now she's probably wavered to about a seven.

Q: Do you call it footy park or AAMI stadium?
A: Harriet didn't know it was AAMI stadium until a few weeks ago…

Q: Are you a member?
A: No, it costs too much.

Q: Who is your fave Crows player?
A: Can I list? Kane Johnson, Mark Stevens and Roo.

Q: Do you think that it was unfair for the Crows not to get a home final?
A: Of course it was but that's Melbourne for you - fascists!

Q: Do you have any siblings?
A: Well we've already mentioned Gnome's sister that we torture frequently, Harriet has two older brothers both of whom are currently serving time for crimes against offal.

Q: Have you ever watched crossing over with John Edward? Do you think that guy’s for real?
A: Yes, Harriet it quite a fan and has read one of his books. She thinks he is genuine and for any skeptics who think he's not, she challenges you to prove it.

Q: How much time a day do you spend watching Whose Line?
A: Harriet: "Half an hour a day…I watch more Paul at the moment."
Gnome: “If they’re not repeats, I’ll watch them whenever they come on. So maybe three episodes a week unless I get bored and pop in a tape.”

Q: How much of the day do you spend on the net?
A: Harriet: "Too much, but it’s a good friend to me when the bastard thing isn't crashing."
Gnome: “A lot, between school and the Pit, it takes up a lot of my time, sad as that may seem.”

Q: What is your fave colour?
A: Harriet: "Today it’s red…Tomorrow it may be blue and the day after that green. Why limited yourself to one, man."
Gnome: “If one were to read carefully through the fics, you’d find much of the underwear in Brad’s life is a specific color…draw from that what you will…”

Q: What is your fave day of the week?
A: Harriet: "Someone has been doing quizzes…Friday because it’s the first day of the weekend."
Gnome: “Friday because I have no school.”

Q: Are you morning people?
A: Together: "HELL NO"

Q: What is your fave flavour of jelly/jello?
A: Harriet: "Strawberry…Yum."
Gnome: “To eat? One of the red ones. Although my favorite local Chinese buffet has opaque jello which is painfully intriguing if not a bit disturbing.”

Q: Which one of you does the chandelier jumping?
A: That is Harriet…It’s a bondage thing, involves Paul in a gimp mask…

Q: Simon Creene or John Howard?
A: To our American friends, John Howard is Prime Minister and Simon Creene opposition leader, both in Harriet's opinion are nutbars and she always preferred Beazley.

Q: Have you really thrown a pineapple at the Prime Minister?
A: Harriet: "Oh if only, it’s a nice thought."

Q: Are Osama Bin Laden and George Bush the same man?
A: God no, Osama is a much smarter man than Bush could ever hope to be.

Q: Is Elvis still alive? If so can I really hire him as a beanbag?
A: Elvis is only alive in the minds of a few nutbars and if he was on hire in a furniture showroom I'm sure one of them would already have the poor man and be sitting their fat, glittery butt into his wobbly flesh.

Q: Are you watch people or clock people?
A: Harriet: "I'm definitely a watch person, I go nowhere without my Spongebob watch."
Gnome: “Analog watches all the way, no offence to the Spongebob.”

Q: If you were reincarnated, what would you be?
A: Harriet: "A cat, I like their sleeping hours and the way they get in your face if you don't pay attention…Kinda like my life now."
Gnome: “An evil pilot fish.”

Q: Are you religious?
A: Does the fact we use words and phrases like "hell" and "Christ" and "Jesus" on a regular basis tell you nothing?

Q: What is your fave food?
Harriet: "Chocolate…Anything chocolate."
Gnome: “At the moment I’m craving lemon crème Girl Scout cookies like you wouldn’t believe.”

Q: What is the nicest review you have ever got?
A: Any review that says they loved it or that we're geniuses is more than nice - they're great. It’s too hard to pick just one really! Thank you to all who do review, there's nothing better than a nice ego boost to inspire us to continue.

Q: What is the cruelest/meanest/rudest/crudest?
A: The fuckwit who accused Harriet's "Rocky" fic as being an "American rip off." She certainly didn't take that nicely and that person never gave her grief again…

Q: Do either of you have glasses?
A: “Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off. 'Look everyone. I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.' Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted.” One of Gnome’s theories on life, care of her fellow-speccy Proops himself.

Q: Do either of you wish you were one of the characters?
A: Harriet: "I'd like to be Paul, he gets all the good lines."
Gnome: “Granted, they have rollicking adventure and lots of sex, but, really, would you want your life to be like that?”

Q: What kind of computers/typewriters do you have?
A: Gnome and Harriet look at each other blankly and shrug. "Next…"

Q: Why do dogs lick their balls?
A: Why? Because they can and you would too if you were a dog…

Q: Why does hotel food taste better in your room?
A: One of life's great mysteries…a team of scientists is working on it as we speak.

Q: Why is Andy such a prick?
A: He's in advertising, have you never met people in advertising? All pricks…

Q: What does Freya do at the newspaper?
A: Freya is an arts journalist…Unfortunately.

Q: What is your fave movie?
A: Harriet: "Hmm today's favorite is ‘Eight Legged Freaks’ a totally hysterical movie that I recommend people go see."
Gnome: “Odd cult flicks, especially 60s rock films. If you want a glimpse into the psyche of Gnome, go rent ‘What’s New Pussycat’ and keep in mind I feel that movie was a stroke of pure, unadulterated genius on the part of both Woody Allen and the Lovin’ Spoonful. Go figure.”

Q: How did you meet the Mongolian goat people?
A: We were penpals for a while and then joined an exchange programme. They're very nice when you get to know them.

Q: Which of Jimmy Barnes’s songs do you like best?
A: Harriet: "Cheap Wine and Working Class Man for different reasons."

Q: When and where will the fonduerama convention be held?
A: The next one is in 2004 at a small shack in Idaho.

Q: Which end is the business end of a pineapple?
A: Would you like a demonstration?

Q: How much blood does a man need to run a penis and a brain and where can I get my boyfriend some more?
A: Well, we all have a certain amount of blood in our bodies, however I don't think it "runs" a penis. Sometimes, well quite often, men get erections and all the blood goes straight to the penis. Now, we would say that a man's brain and penis is the same thing. Therefore he does have enough, it’s just not very big. Oh and if you need to ask, you're not old enough to have a boyfriend who needs worry about these issues.

Q: If someone you know is an alien who would it be?
A: "I am an alien, my name is Comma Haha Grrr and you look just as ugly to me..."

Q: Where did your picture of Brad as a kid come from?
A: Hell, that was months ago and Harriet couldn't even begin to remember where she found it, so don't ask.

Q: Who was your fave care bear?
A: Harriet: "Champion Bear was quite cool and I always liked Tenderheart."
Gnome: “Why ask? It’s been so long since I’ve even thought about the Care Bears…um, there was a lavender one, with like a milkshake on its stomach that I had a replica of at one point …?”

Q: Gnome, why were you pulling spray adhesive out of your hair?
A: Being the artist that I am, I’m always finding strange and unusual substance with which to mess myself up (right now I’ve got charcoal worked into every pore of my right hand and spray fix on my left – before you ask why, it’s from drawing class), and my hair is constantly being abused. But anyway, I don’t remember specifically how the adhesive got there…

Q: Was heavy number two Reg or Ron?
A: Reg, he's into floral arranging now apparently...

Q: What are the stains on Harriet’s desk?
A: Do you have to ask? Really, they're semen stains from the various romps conducted on its fine mahogany surface.

Q: What takes you guys so long getting up new chapters of the Fondue?
A: Harriet is a very speedy, inspired writer, and her additions are almost always delivered in a timely fashion. Nine times out of ten it’s Gnome that’s mucking things up, but she’s the tortured artist, things take her a bit longer. On top of that there’s college, having to share the computer, going through long stretches of missing inspiration or abundant frustration, shouting matches with Geocities, and the careful consideration of jello flavors. A good chapter delivered late is better than a mediocre chapter delivered on time. Whining will do nothing to help. Learn to cope.

Q: Is there really a show in America called strip hangman? If so is it really on at the time you said it was?
A: Gnome: “I believe the show is called “Dog Eat Dog” which is one of those reality programs I strongly disagree with, but people around here watch, and they’ve got a “strip” section, in which the least attractive member of the group is made to strip while ineptly playing hangman, football, horseshoes, whatever inane game they came up with for that week. I have no idea when it’s actually on or if it even is anymore, as I don’t really care.”

Q: Gnome, don’t you feel guilty about being with a certain Mr. Slattery as well as a certain Mr. Sherwood?
A: In short? No.

Q: How many of the ‘bastards at Geocities’ has Gnome killed so far?
A: Gnome: “Alas, all of my attempts to destroy Geocities have been thwarted, usually by my own klutzy tendencies or Harold’s desire to help and his impending stupidity. There is a new, foolproof plan in the works at the moment which involves a truckload of jicima, a set of needle-nosed pliers, and duct tape. More than that I cannot reveal.”

Q: What sport do the Dodgers play? How much of a fan are you?
A: Gnome: “Dodgers play baseball for Los Angeles in the National League. I was raised rooting for the Dodgers ‘cause my parents are fans. Greg Proops lists them as a pet peeve, which amuses me, but they’re pretty bad. The Angels play for Anaheim, which is the bit of LA that Disney owns, in the American league, and they’re the team I really support (two words: David Eckstein) but since the Dodgers and Angels are in different leagues, they only ever play a few games in the summer called the ‘Freeway Series’ where it’s me against my parents. I usually win.”

Q: How many dummies books do you own?
A: Gnome: “Enough to do serious damage if I were to start throwing them at people. Care to test the theory?”

Q: On august 28, you attacked your computer with a melon. What kind?
A: Honeydew, if it helps.

Q: What is Gnome’s second/surname?
A: The questions are reaching an almost stalker-esque level here…

Q: What are peanut butter cups?
A: Gnome: “I’m appalled that there are people out there who don’t know the glory of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups!! Imagine this if you will, and tell me you wouldn’t crave them – take a tiny muffin cup, the paper things you peel off a cupcake. Coat it in chocolate. Fill it with the best peanut butter around, and top with more chocolate. It’s easier to kick crack than peanut butter cups.”

Q: Gnome, have you ever considered stealing one of Harriet’s ideas and claiming all the recognition?
A: To be absolutely honest, much of what I write for Fondue is unabashedly Harriet’s ideas. I just don’t have them in me. And even if I were to run off with one of her ideas (I’ve got some written down she’s probably long since forgotten about) it’s doubtful I would get any recognition for it…

Q. Have you found any of the things you said you had lost since last time?
A: Harriet has since found her tape of Paul McDermott singing “Oops I Did It Again,” much to the enjoyment of everyone in the office. Gnome has lost even more CDs, eventually found the post office receipt, and has not only failed to retrieve her sense of adventure, but has since also lost her sense of timeliness and a great deal of sleep.

Q: Gnome, has Harriet ever sent you any Good News Week/Paul McDermott footage?
A: Who needs footage, we’ve kidnapped the man!

Q: Where's Greg, he's part of the fondue?
A: As much as we'd like to say we're sorry for Greg's absence, we're not. Yes, he will have a guest appearance if and when we write it. Until then you'll have to make do. He is not integral to this part of the fic and therefore has not been included. If and when a next installment arises he will be part of that, so don't stress.

Q: How could Paul serve Gina divorce papers?
A: Oh, now you care? According to the polls, Gina and Paul aren't a popular couple. You've voted that Brad and Fenny are the most popular couple, followed by Fenny and Paul. So, any possible break up of Paul and Gina is only down to public opinion and of no fault to the authors.

Q: What's with Brad and Ritza in the shower?
A: Have you not read the other fics? No, really? Brad and Ritza were very much an item and even back in "It's Not Over Until the Fondue Burns," Brad still admitted to having feelings, this continued into "A New Fork in the Fondue" and so any sexual/flirtatious behaviour between the two is only natural progression, so deal with it.

Q: Why did you kidnap Paul?
A: Reality check people, it's just a picture and not at all real, ok? We're just piss farting about. As far as we know, he's well, onstage performing at the moment and not anywhere near a fondue pot.

Q: Harriet, did you really go and see Paul in the flesh?
A: Harriet: "Why yes I did, and the microphone incident is true along with many other things you're simply not worthy to hear about. All you need to know as you sit back envious is that yes, he is just as gorgeous in real life."

Q: I love Danny Brannigan, but who the hell is he?
A: Danny is a character Harriet created about seven years ago, she decided he was too good a character to lay to rest and brought him back as the good looking, sweet natured, Aussie bloke that Fenny has fallen for. He's not based on anyone in particular; he just embodies various Aussie footballers physically.

Q: The new "Paul kidnap" page is fantastic, how did you do it?
A: Harriet had a brain wave about Paul peering over a fondue pot, the picture was a publicity shot where he was looking over former GNW colleague Mikey Robin's shoulder. She passed the picture onto Gnome, who used her magic design skills and put together the graphics. The poem was written by Harriet, who decided the wording should be changed to go with the picture.

Q: Why don't you get them drunk more often?
A: There is the belief you should milk a joke for all it’s worth, Harriet however doesn't share this belief (well she does but not to the point of being painful). We've mentioned before that neither Gina or Fenny drink as a result of our beliefs. It’s not like they're not funny sober and yes, when Fenny got tipsy and molested Paul, it was brutally funny, but you can't do it every chapter. As for the guys, we've not written Brad to drink that much but as Aussie men Paul and Danny are drunk or carrying a stubbie most of the time.

Q: Why did you guys review the reviews?
A: That was all done very tongue in cheek and we didn't intend to offend anyone. However, we did have our reasons as we felt that people were taking things a little too seriously. We do believe that before asking a question you should check the F.A.Q's as we have answered many that you do ask. As for Harriet's slowness to update her other fics, she sticks with what she said, she does have a fucking life. Oh, and if you use it as a messageboard to chat to your buddies, Gnome will be forced to do something nasty.

Q: So, can we expect more fondue after this installment?
A: At the moment we can't give too much away but there are definite plans for another "kidnapping" style fondue installment, characters that may appear include - Fenny, Brad, Gina, Paul, Greg, Danny and Ritza. Intrigued? We hope so as if the clunky plot is anything to go by, it may be the best installment yet.

Q: When Gina goes into her office for the first time in "It’s Not Over Until The Fondue Burns," is it Danny Brannigan she threatens?
A: It certainly is. (at this point the authors would like to point out that it wasn't until recently, they too discovered the previous mentioned of Danny...convenient or what?)

Q: Why have you decided to create the soundtrack?
A: Both of us love music and we listen to it religiously as we write chapters. This is why so much is included in the stories themselves. We felt it only right to share with you the songs that pop into our heads or are playing when we write. Generally we hope you enjoy the collection of somewhat weird and wonderful tunes and we'll add more as quickly as we find them.

Q: Will all the songs be available as mp3's?
A: We will endeavour to include as many songs in mp3 format as we can, it just depends on what is available to us at the time. As for the one person who asked about 'The Penis Song' we believe it is in mp3 format now.

Q: I've never heard of some of the singers, why?
A: Many of the artists like 'The Whitlams' for example are Australian and let's face it, you're not likely to hear of them, or in the likes of 'The Squeeze' or 'Queen' you're probably too young to remember such musical legends.

Q: When is Paul McDermott’s birthday?
A: Paul's birthday is the 13th of May, he was 40 this year!

Q: When is Paul and Gina’s anniversary?
A: We can't be certain but it's sometime in August (who remembers anniversaries anyway).

Q: When is Fenny and Brad’s anniversary?
A: We’ll say June 21st, for no real reason other than because we can.

Q: When was the site first created?
A: Early June, 2002.

Q: What year is saga set in?
A: Saga doesn’t really date, but we'd probably say this year as it’s most appropriate…

Q: Where did you find the mp3s, particularly the ones sung by Paul?
A: The mp3 were found at various music download sites, we created some from CD's and a few Paul ones were created by Harriet.

Q: Where do you find the images that are around the site?
A: Like the mp3s, we find our images on various sites, the Paul ones are from Harriet's own private collection and Gnome just fiddles with things to make them look funky.

Q: What kind of car does Fenny drive?
A: A simple little black deal, probably an oldish Toyota, although, in her mind, it’s a black Jaguar from the 60s…

Q: When is Gina’s birthday?
A: She's a fictional character and therefore doesn't have a birthday you tool.

Q: When is Fenny’s birthday?
A: See above and tool.

Q: How did Brad and Fenny meet?
A: Gnome has started and promptly grown frustrated with a story that addresses this question. The meeting involves a lamp, a bruised tailbone, a mess of art supplies, and Fenny wanting to die, as is the norm.

Q: How did Andy and Fenny meet?
A: He probably chatted her up at a meeting when she was doing something artistic for him while she was emotionally scarred…

Q: What is Andy’s surname?
A: If you read the fic you'd know it is Timms.

Q: What football club does Danny play for?
A: The Gosford Gallahs

Q: Do you have printed copies of your stories?
A: God no, why would we want that?

Q: If one of your stories was going to be made into a movie, which one would it be?
A: We're both quite partial to "It's Not Over Until The Fondue Burns". It’s the most action packed and everyone is in it and there's plenty of animalistic sex.

Q: Can we expect any new additions to the site?
A: Not so much additions but there may be a surprise or two at Christmas.

Q: How is Fondsworth doing?
A: A lot better, the therapy is really paying off.

Q: What breed of monkey is Harold?
A: He’s your standard issue chimp, although it may not have been such a great idea acquiring him from the vivisectionists’ laboratory as we did…something about gene splicing and gamma rays. So really there’s no telling.

Q: Have there been any new additions to the office?
A: Yes, the rat gave birth a beautiful, bouncing womrat!!

Q: How is Gnome’s hardware?
A: Battered, bruised, threatened and held together with bits of duct tape and spray fix, but it seems to be doing alright when not hurtling towards the pavement a few stories below.

Q: Has Gnome found another copy of the complete jello lovers’ guide on cd-rom?
A: No, actually, and if you happen to run across one, she’d appreciate it if you’d let her know.

Q: Will any of the other WL guys be appearing in this installment of "Fondue"?
A: Let's think about this for a moment shall we? Have they played any part in it before? Do they serve any purpose to the story line? The answer (incase your brain is too fragmented to understand) is NO, there is no reason to involve the others guys. Not every fanfiction story needs to involve all the players and from the feedback we get, Paul is the most popular character anyway and he's not even part of WL.

Q: In the poem, that part with Wayne was funny but it didn't rhyme, why'd you do it like that?
A: Harriet says "In my part of the world, and with my accent ‘fast’ and ‘arse’ kinda rhyme, it’s not my fault you pronounce the word ‘ass’ which is clearly a donkey."

Q: Do you realise there are typos in some of your fics?
A: No shit...

Q: I've been searching everywhere, where do you get those Paul songs?
A: For those millions of people who have asked, Harriet recorded them herself and Gnome converted them for you listening pleasure. Don't expect too many more and don't keep asking, it’s starting to get painful.

Q: Are there any other site updates you're working on?
A: Not at the moment, but we are trying to break into the "Good Fanfic" ring (as opposed to what, we're not sure). We're hoping the pretentious bastards deem our writing suitable and written in such a manner as to grace us a spot on their ring. Will we be upset if they don't? Well not really as we don't need the say so to achieve recognition for our work. Let's face it, we have you the fans for that. Besides, retribution sounds kinda fun...

Q: Who drew the faces on the front page?
A: Gnome of course! There have been many references in these very pages to Gnome's artistic ability, first and foremost being the "Artistic Endeavors" section. It's really quite painful that you should even have to ask.

Q: What's with Greg and Ritza?
A: Yes, weren't expecting that tryst were you? The tryst and budding relationship between the cynical Mr. Proops and nasty Ms Crispin has been added for the pure shock factor. We don't really see it going anywhere and they were incredibly drunk at the time.

Q: Why can't I get to some of the chapters?
A: Because they're not yet written and therefore not available; at the end of every chapter a link is put in for the next chapter, it's merely a time saving device. The only time a chapter not appearing should be of concern is when it's in the middle of a fic. In which case you email Gnome and whine. Otherwise you're not missing anything so calm down.

Q: Would you accept suggestions for things that might happen in the installments?
A: Well you can suggest but we're not likely to use any ideas unless they're really, really good. Any suggestions we've had so far have been pretty useless like including the other WL guys or homosexual/lesbian relationships and we can certainly do better than resorting to that.

Q: Where can I find the entire "Penis Song"?
A: On the site. Harriet recorded it she can safely say that every word of the song is here and of all people, she should know - we repeat, the ENTIRE song is on the site.

Q: Why have you opened up the site for other to post their stories?
A: We have had a few people asking whether they could post here and while we were initially reluctant and often ended up in violent confrontations over the idea, eventually we found ourselves worn down by a sense of duty since the Pit is one of the most frequented WL fanfic sites on the web.

Q: Will there be another Fondue installment?
A: We have been throwing around ideas for a seventh installment…Hopefully, our commitments and enthusiasm will pertain and allow us to delve into yet another installment. Keep your eyes peeled for updates.

Q: Can you do a sequel to Downunder and Backwards and Back Downunder?
A: The sequel to those was included in the Fondue, with It’s Not Over Until the Fondue Burns and therefore it would be difficult to create another installlment. There was also the lack of further ideas, as there are only so many times you can be chased by psychos through the Australian Outback.

Q: Can I use any names, character, sayings etc that have been used on the site?
A: The Demented Thoughts are there for the stealing. Anything pertaining to the fiction, non-fiction, artwork or graphics should be asked of us first otherwise we'd get narky and throw things.

Q: Where can I review the fansfics?
A: Easy, we've set up that section with its own guestbook (in other words don't review in our book). So review away!

Q: Do you write these questions yourselves?
A: Aren't most f.a.q's on the internet written by the authors of the sites? Generally we do write most of them (we thought that was kind of obvious). There are a percentage that were actually asked by the audience and a few were generated by things said in the guestbook.

Q: Why have you included reviews from FanFiction.net on the site?
A: Mostly for our own ego-inflating reasons (note humour). We feel proud of the reviews we have obtained and that people have taken the time to write. Why not display them? They're really quite entertaining and if people chose to read them it gives them an overview of the fics we've written previously.

Q: How can you bag slash fiction when there's so much of that behaviour on WL?
A: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's ours. You're welcome to read and write as much as you like. There's also a big difference between a humerous kiss on WL and having Ryan and Colin rubbing uglies.

Q: Do Fenny and Gina portray the authors characteristics?
A: Of course they do to an extent. Any writer will tell you that the characters they create have a bit of themselves in them (even if it's just a tiny piece). It's only natural since you write what you know and you know yourself pretty well usually.

Q: Do you guys ever get flamed?
A: Doesn't everyone? If you write fanfiction you are putting yourself out there for it. We have been lucky and received very little but essentially it doesn't bother us. We don't take ourselves seriously and neither should anyone else. Everything we do is laced with satire and is very tongue in cheek. We keep writing and expanding the site for those that enjoy it, are entertained and asked for it. As for those that don't, no one asked you to view our site.