Item #13

Item #13, May 3
e-mail

Things That Piss Me Off (in no particular order)

Kolyn Mikalson (Aja)

1. Lawn flamingos.
Honestly, what could be going through these people's minds?
2. People who say "Jesus loves everyone".
When I just randomly spout the phrase "Jesus loves Hitler", I'm doing it to piss people off. At least humour me and pretend to be angry.
3. Religious people.
Not all of them, just the fanatics. The ones that say anyone not of Religion A is worthless. You jackasses need a fucking mind check, what is wrong with you?
4. People in general.
No offence, but people are stupid, people are assholes, people should all be shot.
5. Americans.
Warmongering shits.
6. Racists.
"Look, that guy's black, kill him" Look that guy's got his head up his ass, kill him.
7. Hypocrites.
There's really nothing I can say.
8. Figure skating.
Just plain stupid.
9. Ice dancing.
It's the same goddam thing, stop pretending they're different.
10. Figure skating judges.
Let's all be corrupt, get caught, and then lose our jobs. Oh yes, sounds like fun.
11. The French.
Goddam losers who can't fight and whine all the time.
12. Activists.
Find something better to do with your life.
13. Cluelessness.
14. People who abandon things for no apparent reason.
15. Dogs.
Do these stupid animals ever do anything but bark and shit?
16. Athletes.
Think they're better than me? Fucking jocks.
17. Critics.
It seems that in this world there are people who do nothing but make idiotic judgments on things and then pass themselves off as experts. And get paid for it!
18. The Gap.
Is it just me or are the bad music and disgustingly white sets getting a little old now?
19. Soap operas.
This is your brain. --->
This is your brain on soaps. --->
20. People who get offended by tiny things.
I hate them. Oversensitive fucks.
21. People who don't follow instructions.
Is it really that hard to just not wear shoes on the stage? For neg's sake.
22. Operas.
We don't speak Italian or German, maybe have something in English.
23. Chick flicks.
We hates them.
24. Bad musicians.
Music today has no imagination. Love, sex, drugs, crime, these are the only topics. I mean, Jesus Christ, be imaginative. Write songs about chairs. For an example of good music, listen to some Arrogant Worms or Moxy Fruvous, there's some quality tunes.
25. Gay Bashers.
Learn to be a little tolerant, friggin assholes.
26. Sci-fi haters.
Sci-fi is uber-quality programming, a lot of it has good moral messages. That and it's cool. So shut the hell up you freaks.
27. Minorities.
Not everyone in them, just the ones that complain about everything.
28. Bad actors who think they're good.
If you can't act, don't try. Just get the hell off my stage.
29. Mind games.
Get out of my head!
30. People with full e-mails.
Delete something at some point for Christ's sake.
31. Governments.
Inefficient, bureaucratic, money bagging, animals. Remarkably skilled at screwing over their citizens.
32. Time Zones.
Don't ask why, just because.
33. Daylight savings.
What a fucking moronic idea! It serves no purpose other than to fuck up people's sleeping patterns.
34. People with oppressed ancestors.
Always complaining about....well, everything. (see #27)
35.Uncomfortalbe chairs.
Did someone pass a law stating that all schools are required to own only fucking uncomfortable chairs. I do, in fact, appreciate it when my ass doesn't ache from these fucking piece of shit chairs!!!!
36. Unappreciative audiences.
Okay, when you go to see a play or other such show, don't be a disrespectful dipshit. Do you know how much time and energy goes into even a short little 30 minute play? Probably not. So sit your ass down, shut the fuck up, and stop throwing the fucking pennies!
37. Cars.
Polluting chunks of rusted steel shit. And why does everyone have to have their very own? Greedy fuckers.
38. Drivers.
Pedestrians need to get around too. Drivers can't just go fingering anyone who tries to cross the street, at a crosswalk no less. I don't know about the rest of you, but here in Alberta, pedestrians have the rest of way! If drivers need to put that middle finger somewhere, they can shove it right up their fucking asses.
39. Herbal Essences commercials.
No one gets orgasms from shampoo! Organic, orgasmic, we all get the pun, now move on to another bloody marketing ploy.
40. Smokers.
So I'm walking down the street and I walk by this guy who's just standing there, puffing away and I'm like *cough cough gasp hack gasp* "Aaaaaaaaaaiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrr". Learn some decency you bloody smoking shitholes.
41. Gravity.
It's not gravity itself, it's the strength of gravity that annoys me. Climbing hill, stairs, trees. All made difficult by gravity. Not to mention that horribly unpleasant falling sensation produced by gravity.
42. Absurd logic.
Okay, absurd logic is just that, absurd. It makes no sense whatsoever and is not in fact logical at all. It may seem logical at the times, but trust me, it's not. It's all just mind games. (see #29)