Item
#24, July 3
e-mail
Is
it wrong to imagine yourself killing cats?
Kolyn
Mikalson
So I'm sitting here at 3:00 am thinking 'I haven't updated my site in a few days'. Of course I try to justify it to myself with a simple 'Well
I haven't come across anything interesting to write about' but we all know
that's not true. Is it that I'm lazy? Do I not love any of you, my beloved
*uncontrollable laughter* adoring readers? Or could it be that deep down I know that this whole stupid website thing means nothing, that I barely ever produce anything of quality for it anyways and I may as well just give up? Maybe, but I don't care.
Therefore I'm going to tell you pointless information that you really don't want to read. To escape now click
here. To escape to somewhere else click
here. If you would like to continue reading I really don't care what you do; click, don't click, it really doesn't affect me.
Have you ever wanted to be part of a cult? Well maybe you can soon. It wouldn't be one of those
ridiculous 'The aliens are coming, let's kill ourselves' cults, but rather a good old fashioned Imp worshipping 'sacrifice stuff on altars' cult. Like the old religions that people would go and kill each other for... um... I suppose the word old really doesn't apply.
The rules are simple and are as follow. We worship a being known as the Grand Imp, he isn't our creator, but he's
old(ish) and powerful (in our[my] minds anyways). I, being the discoverer(creator) of this religion, am known as the Imp and am respected and revered by other members as a minor deity with no real power(yes, I'm sure I'll get the respect I deserve this way). Every monthish type amount of time(let's go with lunar month because it's convenient) you go to the temple or some such place and present the Imp with an offering for the Grand Imp. You then go along your normal life saying phrases like "praise the Grand Imp" and "for the Imp's sake" and praying to the Grand Imp to make stuff happen. If the things happen you go to the bathroom and flush some unsoiled toilet paper as thanks, and if they don't happen you murmur to yourself about how the Grand Imp did not feel that that event was appropriate at the time.
Simple enough right? For more information e-mail me with a question and I'll make something up and post more at some point. Thanks for reading this
senseless drivel, it may or may not make my day, I haven't decided yet.
"Imps be praised, another can of Pringles
has been picked up by my hand and placed into the shopping cart"
