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Item #5, March 15
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The British Isles, Green and Red all Over

Kolyn Mikalson (Aja)

Today I’m going to answer a very important question that has occurred to everybody at least once in their life. The question of course Is “What if Jesus had been Irish?”

To get the ball rolling, water would have become ale, not wine, as a result the earth would probably only be about 1/3 water instead of 2/3. I expect the bible would have contained vast descriptions of how drunk everyone got every night in good ol’ Dublin.

Along the same lines, the last supper would have been a hell of a lot rowdier. One drunk savior and 15 drunk disciples. Sounds lie a hell of a Party, too bad I wasn’t invited.

Our buddy J.C. probably wouldn’t have been killed by the Romans, we’ll blame the Scottish for this one. Crazy scots, always pillaging everything. Probably didn’t even now they were doing it, or maybe they were eliminating Irish Jesus so their own Scottish Jesus could rise to supremacy.

Then again, maybe I’m a complete nutball, just maybe. But next time you’re wearing green and are feeling a little Irish, remember not that wimpy little “saint” who supposedly drove out an infestation of snakes. No, remember instead the true Irish claim to religious fame, Irish Jesus.