Britney Spears: 'I Don't Want To Be A Tease'
by Joe D'Angelo
with reporting by SuChin Pak [MTV.com]
Britney Spears sits with her friends at a club VIP table when she spots her mark. He's attractive, maybe a model, dancing with no one in particular. The ladies buzzing around him use an array of assets, from gyrating dance moves to their sweat-moistened cleavages, to try to seize him for themselves.
Eventually stopping for a cocktail, he's not the only one who needs to cool off. Spears sees an opportunity and slyly saunters over, giving him a look that most men have only seen deep in REM sleep. As he turns away from the bar they nearly collide. Startled at first, he recognizes her.
But the guy wasn't anticipating this.
"Hi, ughhh ... Don't I know you from, ugh ... That's a really nice, ummm, shirt ... Got the time?" Britney stammers.
That imaginary scenario isn't likely to happen because Spears won't let it. She's going to work on her ice-breakers before she ever attempts anything like that.
"I need to learn some moves," she conceded recently. "I don't have a cool bone in my body."
Britney Spears has trouble meeting guys.
"I don't really have all the pick-up lines," she said. "You know how some guys just know, and have that [rap]? I don't have that ... It's very weird for me to go up to somebody at a club and be like, 'Oh, hi. What's up?' "
But when the pop princess does make a first move, she's prone to letting
her body do the talking, as she explained in "I'm a Slave 4 U,"
the first single from 2001's Britney. When the mood strikes, she says she's
liable to simply dance up on him and let things go from there.
And if he's a bad dancer? "I'll make him a good dancer," she said
with a grin. "I'll just sit him there and just kind of ..." She
insinuates a bit of the old bump-and-grind.
"I've done that before," she admitted before letting loose a red-faced scream. "I'm embarrassed now, OK?"
Is it hard to believe that Britney Spears, the confident sexpot who prances onstage in next to nothing, who poses half-clothed for photo shoots and moans suggestively all over her new album, In the Zone, is self-conscious and insecure? Not once you understand that the brazen blonde you hear on record and see onstage and in magazines isn't the same person who gets nervous around boys, worries about making a fool of herself and is modest when speaking of her accomplishments. More so than most entertainers whose public personas aren't necessarily in lockstep with their private lives, Britney Spears has two different — very different — selves.
"It's like when you're a little girl, getting on top of your bed, pretending to be ['80s cartoon action heroine] She-Ra," she explained of superstar Britney. "It's that feeling of letting go and expressing yourself. It's like a fantasy, a dream. But then I get offstage and come into me, and I'm very like [sheepishly] 'hi' when I get around people I don't know. I think that surprises people sometimes because they think I'm going to be this star girl, but I'm completely the opposite."
The side of Britney seen on In the Zone is hardly the bumbling mush mouth who doesn't take kindly to awkward situations. Rather, it's one of a self-assured young woman bursting with sexuality. If the throbbing beats and sultry rhythms aren't heated enough, Spears purrs and moans on nearly every track, while continuing in the tradition of using dance as a metaphor for sex. Her breathy conversation with Madonna on the single "Me Against the Music" might be the precursor to a lesson on the dance floor or perhaps someplace more intimate. Backed by the sensual trip-hop rhythm of "Breathe on Me," she gives her man signs of encouragement, so to speak, with the lines, "It's so hot and I need some air/ And boy don't stop 'cause I'm halfway there." In "Showdown," she offers the fantasy-inspiring line, "I don't want to be a tease, would you undo my zipper please?"
"It's not about pushing the envelope," she said of her lyrics. "When you really go through things yourself and you really feel them, it's going to come out sooner or later. It's exhilarating to express yourself and get those things out that you want to say."
The sex kitten Britney on In the Zone is not the same Britney who has to sit down and talk about the album in interviews. When asked about "Touch of My Hand," an ode to masturbation, Britney apprehensively fiddled with her ring while reluctantly giving an answer.
"The thing is ... this is a touchy subject," she began before blurting out, "Oh my goodness!" as she caught her unintentional double entendre. "I can totally go in the studio and sing it, but when I have to explain it, I get really weird and bashful about the whole thing.
"But it's a healthy thing," she continued. "It's a positive thing, and I think it's reality."
Part of Spears' appeal is the seeming contradiction between her over-the-top displays of sexuality and her "What? Who, me?" protestations when asked about her sex-goddess status. While she traipses around in the lowest riding hip-hugger jeans ever sewn, and routinely removes her bra or pants for photo shoots, the offstage Britney is perplexed by the reactions she inspires.
"I don't understand what the big deal is," she said, "or what the big deal is with me and Madonna kissing [during this year's Video Music Awards]. Hasn't America seen two girls kiss before? I don't understand, but you just have to roll with it. Whatever. I think it's bizarre."
Outrageous magazine photo spreads, daily headlines in the tabloids and highly publicized relationships coupled with more than 23 million albums sold in the U.S. have all helped Spears' celebrity persona grow to stratospheric heights. But the brighter Britney's star shines, the more difficult it is for her to be herself. Forget about same-sex kissing: For Britney Spears, even a minor transgression like being caught smoking or staying out late — normal infractions for most people — is cause for a stir. She can't just be herself without the whole world reading about it.
Working hard to hold onto her real self, as she approaches her 22nd birthday Britney has made it a point to reserve personal time in her demanding schedule, and she says that doing so has helped her grow, both personally and professionally, more in the past year than she has in her whole life.
"This has definitely been the biggest growth year for me," she said. "Not that I'm a different person but I feel a difference, just a little difference on the inside. I think a lot of that has to do with just being with me, just by myself. And doing things on my own. It makes you grow up a little bit more."
Besides her sexual persona, Britney's introspective, true self shows up on In the Zone, most pronounced in the song "Everytime." One of the seven songs she co-wrote, the ballad's lyrics flowed naturally in a hotel one night while she was on tour overseas.
"Something just came over me and it just came out subconsciously," she said. "At the time I was going through a lot emotionally. Believe it or not, when I'm really in a lull state, when I'm kind of dark, that's when I'm most creative."
Though she didn't specify what exactly was occupying her thoughts, last year saw the end of her longstanding romance with Justin Timberlake, a difficult time for her emotionally that she says impacted her songwriting for the better.
Justin left Britney with more than heartbreak. Before they split, she shed her self-made image of the all-American virgin when the couple consummated their relationship — and caused a free-for-all in the media when it came out in a W magazine interview in July. Though Britney shrugs off the attention her love life receives, it seems to have created both the sexual and emotional awakening apparent on In the Zone.
"When you experience something that special and something so sacred, so much more emotion goes into [everything you do]," she said. "I'm not suggesting that everyone go do that — I mean, I really thought that I was going to marry the person and be with him for the rest of my life, so that's why I did it. But when you do that, you creatively go through such a different state. And when you're in the studio, you feel like you can say more."
Britney's growth goes beyond what she sings about on her album. She's learned how to accept that just about everything she does will be covered and scrutinized by the press. It's a "weird reality," she says of living a life where even her most mundane activities, like going to the grocery store, are accompanied by blinding flashbulbs and strangers calling her name at every turn, just so they can get that perfect shot.
She's not at the breaking point yet, though if she ever gets there the photographers had better have waterproof equipment.
"I want to get a water gun and just squirt the sh-- out of them," she said with squint-eyed determination. "I know that sounds really stupid, but it would make me feel so good. But that would probably get me even more press, so you lose either way."
Her mischievous reaction is typical of what a frustrated child might say — not inherently malicious but vengeful just the same. It's the inner Britney responding to a situation her outer persona created. Dressed in couture and walking the red carpet, the glitzed-out celebrity can only smile, seemingly unaffected. Getting accosted by the paparazzi while running an errand in sweatpants, with no makeup and her hair tied up, is when her instincts are liable to take over.
If there's anyone who can help Britney cope with the pressures of being the biggest pop star of her generation, it may be her role model and new pal, Madonna. Britney says Madonna hasn't given her any direct advice on the matter; rather, as she's done her entire career, she's simply led by example.
"Just being around her is an inspiration," Britney said. "From looking at her from the outside I can just totally see the way she presents herself. She's not out there to get the approval of other people. She's a true artist in the fact that she does what she likes and she expresses herself in her truest form. She really does not care. You see that and you're like, 'Oh, I can do that, too.' "
Madonna also assisted Britney's self-discovery by introducing her to kabbalah, the study of Jewish mysticism. Britney occasionally wears a red string bracelet, which symbolizes Jerusalem's Holy Tomb of the Matriarch Rachel and is said to ward off negativity. Sure, the brand of spiritualism seems to be the fashion accessory of the moment — celebs like Winona Ryder, Demi Moore, Courtney Love and Gwyneth Paltrow have all studied it — but the fact that Britney is even exploring a different religion is evidence of her newfound desire to spend time cultivating her inner self.
"It's just really weird being a Baptist and being so about religion all my life, to turning to something completely different," she said. "Kabbalah refers to the Bible somewhat, but it's more about the laws of the universe, karma, and cause and effect. It's kind of weird, but I like it. It's just, like, I'm searching."
Some of the new experiences she's had over the past year have been rather small in scope, but meaningful nonetheless. Having turned 21 last year, she relished her independence and made a concerted effort to escape her somewhat kept life. Getting away from the constraints of superstardom as she attempts to be a normal, city-savvy young woman makes for sometimes surprising milestones. Getting a bartender's attention to finally order a drink legally was a step for Britney, but that didn't compare to her newly acquired ability to flag down a cab.
"I know this sounds really cheesy and not a big deal to most people, but just hailing a cab by myself to go visit a friend was a big accomplishment," she explained. "That sounds like such the normal thing to do, but for me it's like [a new experience] because I'm so used to having an entourage around me. At night, if I'm in New York, I'll just go walk the streets by myself without telling anyone. It's a really cool feeling when no one's out there, really nice and peaceful."
Britney has a way to go before accepting both sides of herself. Continued guidance from Madonna could bode well for her as she gets ready to accept the proverbial torch and reign as the queen of pop. But ultimately, she'll need to find her own way to marry the successful Britney Spears persona with the young woman who snaps her chewing gum and fiddles with her fingers when asked to talk about herself.
"I'm going through such a new phase in my life," she said. "Everything's coming out and I'm just adjusting to everything. It's very new and exciting and I don't know what's going on, but it's cool, you know."