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Postcards From the Edge By Jon BlytheThere's only one thing on my mind this month and it's a question I'm
sure you ask yourself on a fairly regular basis. Quite simply, it's Where
Are the Elephants? I've just finished reading an account of the Punic Wars (by Adrian Goldsworthy)
and, although the book itself was not that bad, I am forced to query the
lack of pachyderm involvement. I was expecting elephants; the cover illustration
even promised elephants - but where were they? In the first Punic War, we have a couple of battles where the muddled
leviathans meandered around the battlefield, crushing friend and foe alike,
and admittedly they initially scared the bejeesus out of the Romans, but
as I got to the introduction of the famous Hannibal I expected more. What I wanted was a great, grey wall sweeping majestically out of Spain. I wanted elephants racing down Alpine gorges, massive skis clamped to their feet, brightly coloured woolly hats in sharp contrast to their wildly flapping ears. I wanted a herd of hungry beasts rampaging down onto the plains of Italy, eating everything in their path (including slow-off-the-mark Legionaries and the occasional startled Gallic tribesman). I wanted the final end to Hannibal's epic campaigns as he sailed away
home to Carthage, his faithful ranks of tearful conscripts waving him
adieu from the shore - handkerchiefs clutched in trembling trunks. What did I get? Minimal elephantine exposition! Hannibal had elephants when he went into the Alps - 37 of them apparently.
They were used to scare off Gallic raiders in the mountain passes. However,
once out of the mountains there is only one brief mention of elephants
in the remainder of Hannibal's 15-year Italian odyssey (and that one mention
is right at the start, at Trebia). So what can we conclude? Well obviously that there were elephants; and
then there were none. And what happened to them? If we discount the rumours of the Italian
branch of the RSPCA's massive "Adopt an Elephant Today" drive
in 217BC, there is only one logical answer. So, any of you with miniature Punic armies, I suggest you make sure that your baggage train models are accurate in that they come with giant barbecue sets. As a footnote, it's good to see that elephants do indeed have long memories. They got their own back at the Battle of Zama (202BC), when Hannibal's 80 war elephants stampeded back through both flanks of their own army, malletting the Carthaginian cavalry positioned there and causing Hannibal's only ever defeat. Fitting retribution for all those pachy-burgers munched on 15 years previously? |