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Postcards from the Edge

By Jon Blyth

Wanted: Storage space required for large (and growing) wargaming collection. Must be within Gorleston/Gt Yarmouth area. Dry/clean conditions with space/lighting for work-bench set-up preferred.
Small living space attached may allow part-time occupancy.

Now, I blame you lot. A couple of years ago I was a wargamer in semi-retirement. I owned one (rare, OOP) Orc army of modest proportions along with a dwindling amount of role-playing stuff.

That's all changed now, mainly down to all of you bringing in your figures and games systems, pointing at them and saying "This is a good game", or "Great models in this range" etc. Weak-willed that I am, I run off and start buying up whatever I can get my hands on to join in with the fun.
Needless to say, the acquisition of further space chez-nous to house my expanding collection has not proven the easiest of tasks.

My other (and of course better) half has not responded well to my attempts to encroach on what she regards as her territory - this being of course anywhere outside my "study" (for study read box-room). A horror-filled expedition into the loft to check out the possibility of converting it into a den left me white-faced and shaken after a cursory glance at the condition of the roof. Pacing around in the garden surreptitiously measuring out an extension has led to raised eyebrows and strident defence of what I feel are unnecessary features such as patio, borders and lawn. I won't dwell on the brief occupancy of under-utilized kitchen cupboards with 25mm scenery - it's still too fresh and painful a memory.

A few words of advice then, to our younger brethren at the club who may not yet have taken the irrevocable step of co-habitation…

Choose a place to live on the basis of potential wargaming space. I can't stress this highly enough.
Stuff location and amenities and go for size. I have come to the realization (too late) that the ideal property to move into is a Scooby Doo/Addams Family mansion, either in the middle of a swamp or next to an abandoned amusement park to ensure affordability.

Make sure the huge attic and/or basement has access only by a secret door, and keep this to yourself. Only fellow wargamers should be trusted with instructions on how to enter. For preference, your visitors should be able to come and go without using shared routes such as front/back doors and hallways. A tunnel concealed by shrubbery is always an option as per the Batcave.

Beg, steal or borrow enough money to decorate the property lavishly in whatever fashion your partner (eventually) decides upon, preferably avoiding do-it-yourself in favour of get-a-workman-in.
Retreat to your area of the house and enjoy your hobby.

ON NO ACCOUNT ALLOW ACCESS TO YOUR AREA BY NON-WARGAMERS.

This will only result in nagging over tidiness/cleanliness of the inner sanctum - which is of course completely irrelevant.

How does everybody else manage, you ask?

Well, Paul H rents an aircraft hanger to house his 1:1 All-Theatres Colonial range and AK47/ Napoleonic/ ECW etc. collections.

Gary will soon be moving to Castle Mall with his trading operation, displacing the Virgin Megastore to a site more suited to their small-scale limited-appeal merchandise.

Dennis owns a large factory in Ipswich, complete with Dickensian apprentices taken in from the workhouses and paid a pittance of gruel to churn out painted miniatures at an astounding rate.

Gareth has access to a publishing house with attached library containing all known rules-systems.