And the Beat Goes On
Musical 40K Musings by Mark Underwood
After reading Pete's article on sex in the 40K universe I got wondering.
What do the countless millions of highly trained killing machines (oh,
and the imperial guard!!) do to pass away the long hours when they are
not killing, maiming, destroying, etc?
Well I came to the conclusion they must listen to their favourite tapes
of music and bands. And if my next guess is correct the types of bands
and music have not changed much thirty eight thousand years from now.
This is what I guess they listen to.
Chaos - Khorne
Gwar. If you are unfamiliar with Gwar, just find someone with a chaos
berserker model, replace the weapon for a guitar and you are not far from
a good likeness. My guess is that Khorne berserkers are some distant relatives
to Gwar.
Chaos - Slannesh
Followers of the Lord of Pleasure, who says that there is even in great
pleasure to be had in great pain and suffering. In that case they must
listen to Westlife!!!!
Commander Note: My Slaanesh bikers listen to Queen.
Chaos - Tzeentch
Followers of the Lord of Change, their forms are constantly changing.
Now, who can I think of who fits that description???? (Have you got there
already?) They must listen to Michael Jackson.
Chaos - Nurgle
The Unclean Ones. My guess is that they listen to the Rolling Stones.
If you look hard enough you can spot the likeness.
Tyranids
There is only one band Tyranids will listen to. That's Bio-Hazard!!
Loyalist Space Marines
Tastes may vary from chapter to chapter but the general opinion is that
they listen to rave. The constant thud, thud, thud, thud or is that just
bolter fire???
Imperial Guard
My guess is they like to make their own music, only that's what I think
it is. They can be found on any battlefield running in the opposite direction
to the enemy screaming some kind of native homeworld chant. Some of which
is as follows. Don't kill me!!!, I'm too young to die!!!, Don't shoot
me, I'm on your side!!!
Eldar
My opinion is that they are not Ziggy Stardust limp wristers, but actually
originate from the planet Boyband. Where else do you see people dressed
in those colours with such enthusiasm!!! I also have a theory as to the
mystery that surrounds the Howling Banshee.
My guess is that they are actually wannabe hopefuls who are told that
the enemy are record company bosses, so they set off across the battlefield
screaming their potential No. 1 at anyone who will listen!!!. I'm not
sure, but I also thought I saw one of them wearing a Union Jack dress
that looked a tad too small???
Commander Historial Note: A long time ago the Spice Girls had
five members. Ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell made the headlines with a tiny
union jack dress that showed off her knickers.
Orcs
I don't think music plays much part in it as long as it has a good title
such as:- The Smashing Pumpkins, Motor Head, Death in Vegas.
Necrons
Necrons don't listen to music. They are too busy watching re-runs of robot
wars.
That's it for now, but just remember "In the grim darkness of the
far future there is only war, and maybe Celine Dion!!!".
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