Sex in the Warhammer 40,000 Universe
By Dr Pete
I was taking a look the other day, at some background information for
Games Workshop's Warhammer 40,000 (aka 40K). I began to notice that civilians
were only mentioned when fighting or being killed. Progressing logically
I wondered if combatants in this universe had families and spouses back
home. Otherwise where are all these warriors coming from? One in-depth
(read 'hasty') study later and voila!
Space Marines
Marines are born to human parents and then surgically altered to become
killing machines. Space Marines also carry around 'gene seed' inside them
to help produce future marines. As Marines are designed only to fight,
and are often pumped full of drugs and nutrients, it suggests that they
are probably fed drugs to combat their sexual urges as well. And if you
look at the design of their armour they are probably gelded as well!
Imperial Guard
The Imperium recruits guardsmen from around the galaxy. The platoons are
almost always sent far from their homes to discourage desertion. When
on inhabited planets they may be able to fraternise with locals or use
red-light districts. Mostly though they spend their non-combat time like
monks and prisoners (with all that implies...)
Eldar
Ah, the pumped up pixies! Eldar have a tendency towards New-Romantic and
Ziggy Stardust. All Eldar are fey and some are limp wristed (see some
earlier miniatures). Eldar are mostly bisexual.
Dark Eldar
As per the Eldar with more of a tendency to leather and chains...
Tyranids
Insectoid and egg laying. Don't go there.
Orks
These days Games Workshop claim that Orks reproduce asexually like fungus.
Yeah right! Orks are violent and demand instant gratification like beer,
curry and Men Behaving Badly. I see them having communal mating partners,
with the biggest orks getting the best share. Or possibly in family units
with a lot of domestic violence (on both sides).
Necrons
Hello! They're robots.
Chaos-Khorne
Too busy killing things to think about relationships
Chaos-Nurgle
Would probably be up for any relationship, but their faces and reproductive
systems have rotted away.
Chaos-Tzeentch
Body shapes are constantly changing. Likelihood of any suitable match-ups?
Negligible.
Chaos-Slaanesh
Followers of the "Lord of Pleasure and Pain". You work it out.
Conclusion
The 40K universe is not a good choice for a holiday romance, and besides
the "Club 18-30" planet got Virus-Bombed last week.
DISCLAIMER: Dr Pete is not a real doctor of
Psychology
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