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Home AdvantageBy GaryBeing the fine art of one upmanship in the practise of wargaming on home turf. A much neglected advantage is that of the home table. The discerning wargamer no doubt has a table at home on which to host games - the more lucky (and probably single) amongst us may even have a special wargames room. But the really talented player will have learned how to make the home advantage count. Firstly the table itself. No doubt carrying battle scars from a thousand engagements the knowledgeable home player will be aware of every distance - he will know that its 11" from the coffee stain to the painted hair, that's is an angle of 22 from the chip in the corner to the junction of the two end boards. When measurements have to be taken the clever player has the advantage of home field. And it doesn't end with the board: the terrain pieces too have their own plusses. The areas of woods are known, the length of roads, the size of buildings, the time it takes to cross a river. But what can a student of one upmanship do to combat these advantages if playing away from home? Firstly he must confuse. Set the boards up in a different way if possible - if they have already been set up a judicious use of the elbow or out-of-balance heavy figure box should be enough to send the table crashing and allow for some rebuilding. If the table has many marks (beer can circles, coffee stains, cigarette burns etc) then don't be afraid to add a few more. And bring your own terrain - just "helping out" you see. Once the table is set out sides are chosen - the artful home player will arrange the furniture to give himself the favourable end: a good way of achieving this is to box oneself in in a small room and saying that you "couldn't possibly ask your guest" to crawl under the table or climb over the furniture. Of the course the guest then has the end with the draft, the TV screen in view, the cats dinner under his feet, the radiator on a hot day (turned up full of course) or the kids to contend with. The clever opponent will be wise to these moves and have already sprayed his figure box with cat repellent, have warm clothes (in winter) or cool ones (in summer) and have some chocolates laced with superglue and or laxatives to keep the kids under control. Now to the figures themselves. Many articles have been written on superarmies. But one of the best armies to use is the proxy army: figures that look like space marines, sound like space marines and taste like space marines (unless you've eaten the chocolates) but are, in fact, French Imperial guard. The great advantage is that, at a crucial point in the game, it can be announced that the figure that came free with the cheerios is in a fact armed with a crossbow/machine gun/ +4 magic doodah. The opponent, who no doubt has a professionally painted army worth several thousands, should be driven to distraction by this tactic. If that fails then the old chestnut of picking up his most delicate model and "accidentally" snapping of a part or two should do the trick. Do not fail to distract your opponent at every opportunity. The family can be brought into use for this tactic. The wife/girlfriend/significant other can parade through the room (on her way to the bathroom/ kitchen/ disco/ street corner) in a variety of attention grabbing outfits. However this tactic may prove to be prohibitively expensive in meals, flowers and jewellery. Children too have their uses - a wet bottom placed on the lap of the guest is worth a +3 in any combat. Older children in bunny rabbit pyjamas have been known to have an effect on the more rural opponents, jailbait teenagers work well on the dirty old man section all to prevalent in our club. And if you can get your wife to dress up as a beer can then at least one club member will fall for it. No stone should be left unturned in the search for the slightest advantage. Food and drink can be used to unnerve the opposition. Nothing so obvious as poison (unless it really is a grudge match), although a mild laxative or sedative should not be discounted. I find that fish paste sandwiches work a treat once the cat has been let in (of course reserve the cheese for yourself). Alcohol should be dispensed liberally, especially if you have access to booze from holidays abroad that the opponent will be innocent about (Ouzo is a great favourite). The clever opponent will claim an upset stomach ("doctors orders you see") or that that have already eaten or that they are driving. Lastly you must have a disaster plan for when it all goes wrong and are losing. Either the children can be brought in to accidentally knock the board over or pets can be trained to. It depends on who's the cleverest in your household. If you have no pets then the urgent phone call trick can be resorted to: arrange to have a friend (assuming you still have one) to call you on the phone and plead an emergency (sick relative, work, impending armegeddon) as a reason for ending the game early. Remember that those that say "its only a game" are probably the losers. |