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Following Gary's review of Sharpe's Havoc, a story now so thin it centers around Sharpe loosing his telescope, here are a couple of future proposed titles.
Sharpe's LeprechaunSgt Harper looses his accent following immigrating to America on all the cash he got from the TV series. Sharpe and Sgt Harper team up and travel to Ireland to recapture Harper's native tongue. This is being held captive by the Wellington's evil nephew Sir Basil Hushpuppy, and his attractive stepsister Lady Sling-Back twice-nightly. Harper visits his family hovel, and settles a three hundred year old feud with his 23 brothers, (Shamus I-III, Shaun I-III, Patrick I-III, Oh go on then I-V, Oh not again I-V, and bl**dy hell when will TV be invented I-IV. Meanwhile Lady Sling-back falls in love with Sharpe, (no surprises there), drops her knickers, (no surprises there), and Patrick discovers new and interesting uses for his tongue. A riveting read;- metal workers monthly I was rigid the whole way through; - embalming magazine Sharpe's EuroBang up to date politically correct book, featuring Sgt Patel Harper and his assistant private Sharpe. They battle against the filthy class ridden British Empire and aristocracy in the hope of setting up autonomous collective. Sharpe reveals he is gay, but was prevented from coming out by macho stereotypes, and declares his love for Sgt Harper. Harper, turns out to be a transsexual, awaiting the invention of the NHS for his free sex change. Sharpe, confused and gutted rekindles his love for Major Ducot, and after finding out they are both have Ukrainian grandparents claim political asylum in the UK, where they campaign for the overthrow of democracy by becoming terrorists, and later setting up the Sangat refugee camp. Stirring stuff;- wooden spoon magazine I p*ss*d myself reading it;- incontinence weekly |