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The Real WellesleyBy Gary LyonIt is a well known fact that Arthur Wellesley was born in 1769 in Dublin. It a lesser known fact that he was the elder twin, with his younger brother Paddy being born some 20 minutes later, and again 15 minutes after that. It was a difficult birth and a foretaste of the problems to come for the younger Paddy Wellesley. Their father was the Earl of Mornington and it was natural that the boys be educated well. But being the third (and fourth) sons meant that the money would not stretch to both having an Eton education. Hence Paddy was taught at another establishment - his family thought that Harrow would be suitable but a spelling mistake by an ill edjucated retainer resulted in Paddy spending his formative years at Harlow school for girls, for which he was eternally grateful. It was traditional for the third sons of the nobility to enter the forces (the first would inherit and the second enter the clergy, sometimes several times a night) and for subsequent sons to become adventurers and merchants. Being a younger twin enabled Paddy to follow his brother into the army in 1787 as his aide in the 73rd Highland regiment. A posting to India followed in which another unfortunate spelling error resulted in Paddy being sent out baggage class (his title was erroneously put down as valisse and not valet). He survived the three month trip only by eating two trunks, a portmanteau and a community chest. As Arthur's doppelganger Paddy was to see service many times. Arthur's European constitution often left him weak with "Gareth's Revenge" (a particularly nasty stomach upset caused by a chemical reaction between alcohol & curry). With his stomach toughened by a diet of left luggage Paddy was to suffer no such weakness. Leading the British and Indian troops to a magnificent victory at Assaye was to be one of Paddy's finest achievements but it was the in-commoded Arthur that reaped the credit. Returning to Europe Paddy sought his fortune by becoming a pig farmer. Despite planting numerous pigs his fortunes were waning when his Danish bacon farm was invaded by his elder brother. Having had his bacon saved, Paddy joined Arthur on what he believed was to be a short Spanish holiday but which, in fact, turned out to be six years of hard campaigning. Arthur was rewarded for the series of fine Iberian victories by being made Duke of Wellington. Paddy got the boot. In an attempt to make his fortune he became a property speculator and has been credited with the invention of the game of monopoly, a game he unfortunately did not copywrite. The pieces represent Arthur (the hat), Paddy (the boot), his sainted mother (the iron) and the British Empire (the ship, and also a much frequented pub in the Angel Islington). Called back to arms by the return of Napoleon Paddy accompanied his brother into battle once again. At Waterloo Wellington was credited with being wherever the action was fiercest and with being at many places at the same time. This was because Paddy undertook many of the most dangerous duties (Arthur having another one of his flatulence attacks). After the battle it was Arthur who was rewarded by a grateful Parliament by the granting of a Hampshire estate. In the absence of his due recognition Paddy was to given the gamekeepers cottage by Arthur. It was here that he was to show her ladyship something of the country way, a fact that was not overlooked by the local Lawrence family. Arthur returned to politics and became Prime Minister. Paddy became more
radical and resentful of his brother and was to lead the riots of 1830
that led to the downfall of Arthur's government (it was these riots that
caused Arthur to install metal shutters on his London mansion - hence
the nickname of the "Iron Duke"). Bizarrely Arthur had helped
create the Metropolitan Police the year before and it was they that were
to put Paddy away for the next two years on Dartmoor (unaware of his connections).
It was here that he was visited by Conan Doyle and was to plant the seeds
of the "Hound of the Baskervilles". In a final twist of fate Arthur was to die in 1852 and Paddy was to follow soon after - run over by the hearse on its way to St.Pauls. He lies an unmarked grave in the Old Kent Road.
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