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Plumbum Miniatures Guide To Warhammer Armies

As always we here at Plumbum have our shoulders to the wheel and our noses to the grindstone. But that doesn't stop us jumping on any passing bandwagons. So here is a guide for all you budding GW gamers who can't decide what army to collect.

1 - START HERE

When told that a game is 1500 points do you:
  • Take as much artillery as allowed - go to 3
  • Take as many unpainted troops as you can get in a box - go to 7
  • Take the only army you have - go to 4
  • Borrow an army from another club member - go to 8
  • Mishear - think its 1500 pints but give up after 87 - go to 9
  • Think this is too complicated so go to the bar - go to 12

2 - TWO

Avoid men with flutes. Buy Skaven.

3 - THREE

So you like lots of big guns do you? If you are under 5'5" tall and have a fondness for gold go to 6. Otherwise you should consider an Empire army.

4 - FOUR

You enter a darkly lit chamber which may well be the cellar of St Clouds. A little old man claims to be Steve Jackson and asks for a huge licence fee. Do you:

  • Ask where the other four are - go to 10
  • Tell him you are a GW gamer and so have no spare cash - go to 7
  • Stick two dice where the sun doesn't shine and ask him if that's a fighting fantasy - go to 11
  • Tell Dave you see through his disguise - go to 15

5 - FIVE

What a chivalrous gent - take a Brettonian army.

6 - SIX

Dwarfs are the army for you. Not up to much though.

7 - SEVEN

You are prime GW fodder take several skullz and go to 14

8 - EIGHT

You are a tight arse. You want as few figures as possible. Consider stealing an army or shoplifting from GW. All decidedly nasty - think of a Demon army.

9 - NINE

Obviously thick (skinned). You are well suited to Lizardmen. Hello Gareth

10 - TEN

You are a sarcastic git. An army of aloof and snotty beings is right up your street. Start collecting High Elves now.

11 - ELEVEN

You are from the dark side. Dark Elves to be precise.

12 - TWELVE

Whilst in the bar some good looking girls come in. Do you:

  • Start to slobber into your beer - go to 13
  • Offer to buy them a drink - go to 5
  • Involve them in a mature conversation about the futility of war - go to 16
  • Smash the place up anyway - go to 17

13 - THIRTEEN

If you are already rat arsed go to 2.

Otherwise you have no excuse and are a Beast(man)

14 - FOURTEEN

Orcs & Goblins is the army for you.

15 - FIFTEEN

You're not dead yet. But your army is. Hanging around cellars talking to the undead - Vampire Counts for you my lad.

16 - SIXTEEN

You are a nancy. Take a poofy army like Wood Elves.

17 - SEVENTEEN

Chaotic behaviour. If you are drunk go to 9.

Otherwise take a Chaos a
army.