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RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLEby Sonny the ZooA coupla weeks ago, my British pal rung me to ask about AK47 tactics. I gotta say he had me confused at first and I told him just to stay way from the goddam things. I tell ya, anyplace us Yanks send in the troops we get them Russki guns shot at us from all sides. Anyways up, I know now he wuz talking about Paul Hooper's new league competition. So, I get that it's Mr H's game and he's the expert but maybe I'm in a unique position to offer up a little advice for the new players, capiche? You got small units either hitting or defending key points on the board and you're against the clock. Now to me, that's nothin' if it ain't Mob-style fighting. So, here's a few tips. First up - you gotta' concentrate on your objectives. Remember what happened to Big Guido Linguine from outta' Pittsburgh? You don't? Ok, here's Big Guido and he's stopped off downtown to remind a client who's a little behind on his insurance payments. Now this shopkeeper turns out to be a jeweler and, after Guido slaps him around a bit, the Big G spots a coupla' nice pieces his girl would maybe like. So, he's just choosin' a pair of earrings when Wham!, the foccacia shopkeeper pops him with a .44 he's got from behind the counter. You got objectives to take - take 'em. You gotta protect 'em - then look after 'em. Don't get sidetracked. Next - you gotta watch the clock. Freddie Cordone, aka Freddie Toothpick on account of somebody once jammed a toothpick up >>CENSORED<< , owed money to Two-Ton Jimmy McKeen. Now Freddie's on a twenty-four hour deadline and come twenty-four-plus-one Jimmy's boys find him sitting in a strip joint having a quiet drink. Way Freddie tells it his Rolex stopped, but that don't help none when he can't tango 'cause of his two broken legs. It ain't no good whining about what you wuz about to do when it's all over and you lost. AK47's got a time limit and you play to it. This is real important if you're defending and things ain't looking too hot; just hang in there. Same goes if you're attacking - get in fast. Along the same lines is - you're troops ain't important. Harry No-Lips was so busy looking out for his four cousins what were on his crew during a shoot-out that he got six shots in the back. And three of them was from me and that's a lesson you don't forget. How many of your little guys walk off into the sunset just ain't what this game is about, so smoke 'em if you got 'em. If putting 'em in the firing line either gets you where you want to be, or makes the other guy take his eye off the ball, then make the call. If all your boys are in the ground but you gained the ground then it's ok. A coupla' other thing to think about. Also, watch the sides. Reinforcements can come from anywheres so don't leave yourself open. Last, but not least, is have fun you goombahs. If you lose there's always boat-drinks. Sonny |