Date Rape

What is 'Date Rape'?

Acquaintance rape, which is also referred to as "date rape" and "hidden rape," has been increasingly recognized as a real and relatively common problem within society. Much of the attention that has been focused on this issue has emerged as part of the growing willingness to acknowledge and address issues associated with domestic violence.

There are a set of beliefs and misunderstandings about acquaintance rape that are held by a large portion of the population. These faulty beliefs serve to shape the way acquaintance rape is dealt with on both personal and societal levels. This set of assumptions often presents serious obstacles for victims as they attempt to cope with their experience and recovery.

Fiction: A woman who gets raped usually deserves it, especially if she has agreed to go to a man's house or park with him.
Fact: No one deserves to be raped. Being in a man's house or car does not mean that a woman has agreed to have sex with him.

Fiction: If a woman agrees to allow a man to pay for dinner, drinks, etc., then it means she owes him sex.
Fact: Sex is not an implied payback for dinner or other expense no matter how much money has been spent.

Fiction: Acquaintance rape is committed by men who are easy to identify as rapists.
Fact: Women are often raped by "normal" acquaintances who resemble "regular guys."

Fiction: Women who don't fight back haven't been raped.
Fact: Rape occurs when one is forced to have sex against their will, whether they have decided to fight back or not.

Fiction: Intimate kissing or certain kinds of touching mean that intercourse is inevitable.
Fact: Everyone's right to say "no" should be honored, regardless of the activity which preceded it.

Fiction: Once a man reaches a certain point of arousal, sex is inevitable and they can't help forcing themselves upon a woman.
Fact: Men are capable of exercising restraint in acting upon sexual urges.

Fiction: Most women lie about acquaintance rape because they have regrets after consensual sex.
Fact: Acquaintance rape really happens - to people you know, by people you know.

Fiction: Women who say "No" really mean "Yes."
Fact: This notion is based on rigid and outdated sexual stereotypes.

Fiction: Certain behaviors such as drinking or dressing in a sexually appealing way make rape a woman's responsibility.
Fact: Drinking or dressing in a sexually appealing way are not invitations for sex.

Tips for the ladies

Be careful not to let alcohol or other drugs decrease your ability to take care of yourself and make sensible decisions.
Trust your instincts. If a place or the way your date acts makes you nervous or uneasy, get out.
Check out a first date or a blind date with friends. Meet in and go to public places. Carry money for a phone call or taxi or take your own car.
Don't leave a social event with someone you've just met or don't know well.
Do not accept beverages from someone you don't know and trust. Always watch your drink and never leave it unattended.

I know that some women, Germaine Greer, believe that all men are potential rapists, and invariably there will be, and have been, occasions when a women cries rape, and no crime has been committed. But, "I thought she meant..." is no defence. It is up to you to know the law.

Listen carefully. Take the time to hear what the woman is saying. If you feel she is not being direct or is giving you a "mixed message", ask for a clarification.
Don't fall for the common stereotype that when a woman says "No" she really means "Yes". "No" means "No". If a woman says "No" to sexual contact, believe her and stop.
Remember that date rape is a crime. It is never acceptable to use force in sexual situations, no matter what the circumstances.
Don't make assumptions about a woman's behavior. Don't automatically assume that a woman wants to have sex just because she drinks heavily, dresses provocatively, or agrees to go to your room.
Don't assume that just because a woman has had sex with you previously she is willing to have sex with you again. Also don't assume that just because a woman consents to kissing or other sexual intimacies she is willing to have sexual intercourse.
Be aware that having sex with someone who is mentally or physically incapable of giving consent is rape. If you have sex with a woman who is drugged, intoxicated, passed out, incapable of saying "No", or unaware of what is happening around her, you may be guilty of rape.
Be especially careful in group situations. Be prepared to resist pressure from friends to participate in violent or criminal acts.
"Get involved" if you believe someone is at risk. If you see a woman in trouble at a party or a male friend using force or pressuring a woman, don't be afraid to intervene. You may save the woman from the trauma of sexual assault and your friend from the ordeal of criminal prosecution.
Finally, realize how other men's uncaring or wrong behavior might affect your own life. Some woman that you know may have been raped. Understand that this person might need your support but might be able to enter into a relationship at the present time. Also realize that some women who have been raped might feel distrustful of men in general. This is not an abnormal reaction to such a traumatizing experience.

If you're a victim

3. Have a medical exam and internal gynecological
exam as soon as possible. A delay in time may
destroy evidence.

b) Inform clinician of exact acts committed upon
you and have the clinician note any medical
evidence of them.

c) Clinician should note any bruises or injuries
bleeding, lacerations, etc.) external or internal.

d) Have clinician test for venereal diseases (and
pregnancy later, if relevant).

5. Inform police of all details of attack, however
intimate, and of anything unusual you may have
noted about the attacker. Remember what the
person said and how it was said. It may lead to
the arrest of the assailant.

6. Show police any external bruises or injuries,
however minor, resulting from the attack.