Presents their benefactor...
"The Man They Called George"
The Unauthorized Biography
by Kitty Kelly (or Drew)

   Back in the ancient mists of time, when all the dogs were still puppies and the earth had cooled to the point where bipeds could walk around without burning their feet, there arose upon the face of the Earth (just below the left nostril) homo sapiens.  They conquered the Earth and subdued it to a point where little mama's boys could thrive and flourish without gettin' the crap beat out of 'em by a grumpy Mother Nature. 

       George "Son-of-a" Neiffer was born a poor black child in the deepest southern reaches of Terry, Montana.  George had a traditional upbringing-- learning from Dad about the "Birds and the Sheep", and learning from Mom what he could about serving Rocky Mountain Oysters at the proper temperature.  George knew that someday he'd leave Montana for a far, far better place...  so that's why he ended up in Minnesota.

        George held that dream throughout his childhood--through the neighborhood bullies, and that harrowing experience with a branding iron--on through the awkward teenage years and the heartbreak of having to shear his one true love--until a gangly boy from Big Sky Country arrived at Concordia College, Moorhead, Minnesota (Hub of the Universe) with a gleam in his eye, and a hankerin' for a beer.

       The Dining Service called out to George--with it's snappy uniforms, and potential for free food and hugs from eligible women.  George answered the call, and quickly rose through the ranks to become General Douglas A. MacArthur!!! ...Um no, but he was an SM at least.

       Outside of his persona as a red-shirted tyrant, his friends knew him variously as Jorge, De-orge, Herbie DoucheBag, and F***n' Neiffer.  His turn ons include twisting the Mad Dog's teats, and urinating in a particlular stall on the 6th floor of Livy.  He is generally turned off by an empty beer or a full bladder, which with him, happens all too often.  George's most amazing talent would also have to be his worst habit by being the only guy I know who can strip the shine off Linoleum due to the sheer number of times he's puked on it.

       Of course you all knew I'd mention Steph too.  George and Steph met during their tours of duty in the Service, and were only partly responsible for melting all of the Ice Cream in the freezer on the night in question.  Their courtship was a joy for their friends to behold, ultimately culminating in their Wedding in the hamlet of Cooperstown, Nort' Dekoteh.  Here, his Cobber friends met the other branches on the Neiffer tree, not the least entertaining of which was drunk cousin Larry.  The weekend's ceremony and festivities were a joy for Cobbers, Cobber ex-patriots and assorted Cobber Periphernalia to be a part of--and that's no joke.

       Since then Neiffer and Neiffer have moved to the Burnsville area of the Twin Cities where they have begun to settle into their life together, and are expecting their first child before the end of Fiscal 2000.  So, now you know, and knowing is half the battle.  YO JOE!

Info