Part 3

Goku had been overwhelmingly happy after Vegeta had told him that he would stay the night; Now Vegeta was kicking himself for saying he would. He couldn’t help but notice the puppy dog look that Goku kept giving him; it was making him ill…not to mention the strange fuzzy feeling it gave him in the pit of his stomach, which, to Vegeta, was worse than being ill. He was confused, and wasn’t sure what to think about the whole ordeal. He had feelings for the big lug, that was true. But was this whole thing a charade, something to quell the loneliness than had taken over both of their lives?

“..or pasta?” Goku’s voice broke through Vegeta’s train of thought. He blinked, turning towards the kitchen doorway where Goku stood, a gentle smile flashing at Vegeta. Goku had redressed after his bath, and was now wearing a simple pair of white baggy pants, his chest and feet bare.

“What was that, Kakarott?” Vegeta asked, frowning.

“I asked if you wanted rice or pasta with your dinner?”

“Hn. Pasta, I suppose, though it doesn’t really matter.” He replied with a wave of his hand.

“Allright, Vegeta!” Goku beamed. “Pasta it is!” He said before disappearing into the kitchen. Vegeta watched him walk away and shook his head. He silently wondered if Goku would be this happy and disgusting the rest of the night. He doubted he could handle it much longer.

The two saiyans ate in silence ; neither really wanted to look at the other, for the weight of all that had happened was finally sinking in. Goku felt bothered by the building tension, for he certainly hadn’t wanted to build a brick wall between them…he simply wanted to get closer to the other saiyan….to share with him. Yea, you ‘shared’ all right. Was it necessary to share THAT much? He asked himself. What was going to happen now? What exactly did he feel for Vegeta? As his thoughts went in that direction, his eyes lifted from his plate (which had been filled three times since the start of their meal) to find cool black narrowed orbs silently appraising him from across the table. Vegeta stared at him silently, his fork resting limpy in his hand, his other hand cupping his chin. As Goku’s eyes met his, he started, blinking rapidly before clearing his throat roughly and continuing to eat as if nothing happened.  Goku paused, fork in mid-lift, watching as Vegeta tried to cover the faux-pas. He smiled softly and dug back into his food. This would be an interesting night.

Vegeta lifted his head high, letting the cool night air brush through his mop of dark spikes. He stood silently on Goku’s front porch, the sound of dishes clanking in the background as Goku cleaned up after their meal. He had came outside because he needed to; he had to get away from Goku for a few minutes, so he could at least think straight. There were emotions boiling to a head within him that he didn’t want to face, didn’t want to admit to. Why? There were too many reasons to possibly even think about. Or was that just an excuse? Vegeta stared up at the sky, wondering what he would have thought of this moment years ago, after he had lost his first battle to Goku.

Reflecting back, Vegeta felt the anger, humiliation and pain all over again. He had been nearly invincible, or so he had thought. He took lives without hesitation; made people beg for mercy, then killed them anyway, just for the entertainment. His ego had grown enormous, yet he had been so fragile in some ways. When he lost to Goku, his pride had taken a more blows than his body had, and those parts in him that were fragile cracked and bled, crying tears of bitter resentment deep inside of him. From that moment on, he had shown little more than malice towards the other saiyan, even when Goku had shown him nothing but good will. And Vegeta had always hated that.

Now, he had been intimate with the other man.

Goku stood silently, watching Vegeta. He could tell Vegeta was struggling, and knew exactly how he felt. Goku himself was struggling, struggling to understand what exactly was happening. He drew nearer, surprised that the other saiyan hadn’t sensed him yet.

Vegeta frowned. He would have to tell Goku that he wasn’t going to stay. That was it, he had to do it. There was no other way. This couldn’t happen, it wasn’t right; and since Goku wasn’t going to put an end to it, he would, right here, right now. He felt pretty secure about that theory until strong arms wrapped around him from behind, Goku’s chin coming to rest in his hair.

“What have you been thinking about out here, Vegeta?” Goku asked softly.

Vegeta blinked, then frowned. He opened his mouth to tell the idiot not to touch him, but his voice faltered in his throat. Vegeta closed his eyes, inhaling Goku’s scent deeply. Oh Kami, why did this hurt? He simply didn’t understand it.

When Goku got no response, he frowned slightly, leaning down above Vegeta’s shoulder, to peer into Vegeta’s face questioningly. “Vegeta?” he whispered, his eyes full of concern. Vegeta turned, swallowing hard when he realized just how close Goku’s face was to his own. He froze, his eyes staring deeply into the other saiyan’s, his innards seeming to melt as he recognized the sincere concern shown plainly in Goku’s eyes.

“…Kakarott?” was all he managed to say; he didn’t trust himself to say anything else. As it was, his body was starting to quiver.

Goku’s eyes washed over Vegeta’s face, silently marveling at his slightly exotic features. His world tilted with longing as he began to feel Vegeta shake softly. What should he do? He wanted to lean forward, to kiss him again so badly, but wasn’t sure what Vegeta’s feelings were at the moment. He didn’t want to push Vegeta farther away…

Goku was suddenly aware that Vegeta’s face had become red, his eyes narrowed with anger. Gah! He must be mad because of my arms around him! He screamed at himself, beginning to pull away from the angry saiyan. He was stopped by rough hands. “Wha….?!” Goku started to say, before one of Vegeta’s hand reached out, grabbing a handful of hair from the back of his head. “Ahh!”

His protest was silenced when his head was wrenched downwards, being forced to look Vegeta in the eyes. Vegeta’s face was still red with anger, a small vein sticking out on his forehead. For  a time, Vegeta said nothing, simply stared into Goku’s alarmed eyes, eyes that looked similar to those of a deer caught in headlights. Finally, Vegeta spoke.

“Why do you keep touching me, Kakarott?” Vegeta whispered harshly. Goku could only blink, not sure exactly what to say. Should he spill his guts, despite the harsh humiliation that would surely follow? But then again, what would he spill? He wasn’t even really sure why he was acting the way he was. It just felt right to him. His mouth moved, but no sound came out. He finally shot Vegeta a pleading glance before looking away. However, the grip on his hair tightened, and with a hiss, he was forced to look back at Vegeta.

“TELL me, Kakarott. Why? Why did….what happened earlier…why did it happen? Why did you want it to happen!?” He asked forcefully, his grip so tight, Goku felt many hairs snap from the force. His anger had been slowly increasing, and as he felt his hairs snap painfully, he lashed out at Vegeta, his own hand reaching out and grabbing a handful of the other saiyan’s dark spikey hair. Except instead of ending there, he lifted the smaller saiyan off of his feet by the handful of coarse strands.

“Does there really have to be a reason?!” he shouted into Vegeta’s face, not feeling the least bit smug about the look of shock and pain on the older saiyan’s face. “I want to be close to you, all right? I want to spend time with you, talk to you, to be…friends! I want….” His voice shook slightly as he paused, his mind reeling. “I want……DAMMIT! I don’t know what I want!” He choked out, dropping Vegeta to his feet and turning away quickly. Vegeta was left speechless, as he looked into his palm to see a mass of Goku’s hair in his hand.

The smaller saiyan swallowed, shaking his head softly with a scowl. He then looked to where Goku stood, his back still to Vegeta. “Kakarott…come here. Now.” Vegeta demanded softly. Goku turned, the pain and confusion very evident in his features. He turned to fully face Vegeta, but did not come any closer.

“Hn.” Vegeta said, crossing his arms. “Fine.” He lifted his chin, squaring his shoulders. “I’ll come to you then.” He said, closing the distance between them with three quick strides. Before Goku could react, Vegeta’s curled fist sailed into his chin, knocking him flat on his back. Anger boiled within him but was quelled immediately as he found Vegeta on his hands and knees over him, peering down at him.