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| Rose Nylund is Kim Fung-Toi! |
| Blanche: You know what I hate about cleaning up after a big party? Rose: Finding your underwear in the pile? ~ Rose: Can I ask a dumb question? Dorothy: Like no one else. ~ Rose: We should put out a welcome mat. Blanche: But we don't have a welcome mat. Rose: What about the one Dorothy says is at the foot of your bed? ~ Rose: Once, I read your diary. Blanche: You what?! Rose: Well you left it open on the kitchen table. I was 20 pages in before I realized that it wasn't a Sidney Sheldon novel. ~ Dorothy: You know how uncomfortable I am in front of the camera. Besides, I always come out looking like Fess Parker. Rose: Don't worry. This is a documentary. It's okay if you're not good-looking. ~ Rose: Sophia, is that Captain Jack's Seafood Shanty uniform you're wearing? Sophia: No, Rose. I'm off to discover the Straits of Magellean. ~ Blanche: This is like the Twilight Zone--somehow we got on a train that ended up in Rose's mind! ~ Blanche (to Jackie and Marla): Well, just let me freshen my make-up. Girls, why don't you come with me and I'll show you how I transform myself ino a fresh-faced, innocent, young thing. Rose: Could you skip the innocent part, Blanche? The show starts in two hours. ~ (Rose shoots a vase in the living room) Rose: I heard a noise. I thought it was the robbers. Sophia: I live 80, 81 years. I survived war, pneumonia, two operations. One night I'll belch and Stable Mable here will blow my head off! ~ Blanche (helping Rose make up an excuse to tell Miles): Well, just tell him you have a lot of work to do at home. Rose: But I don't want to lie! Blanche: Ok, then we'll make you clean out the garage later. Rose: Oh thanks! I owe you big for this one! ~ Rose: I never had PMS but I have a BMW once. ~ Blanche: Becky conceives in a clinic and wants to deliver in a bedroom. She's got the whole thing backwards. Oh, this is all wrong. What kind of dope would want to have a baby here? Rose (enters): This place makes me want to run out and get pregnant! ~ Blanche: I don't look right in American clothes. I have a more European physique. Rose: In Europe do they all have big butts, too? ~ Dorothy: Blanche, are you sure you're pregnant? Blanche: I just did a home pregnancy test--it's right here. Rose: That looks like a perfume sample! Dorothy: Put it behind your ears, Rose. ~ Dorothy: I hate seeing Ma like this. Blanche: Dorothy, I hate seeing you like this. Rose: I hate those FBI warnings at the beginning of movies. ~ Blanche: Come on, Rose. Rose: But what about {I Love} Lucy? Blanche: We'll watch it on the portable in the kitchen. Rose: But that set's black and white! ~ Blanche: She's just a child. You can't expect a child to give back a toy. You do understand that, don't you? Rose: Cut the crap and get back the damn bear! ~ Rose: Do the minks really have to be killed? Sophia: No, Rose. Many women like coats that urinate. ~ Rose: What's the matter, Sophia? You couldn't sleep either? Sophia: No, Rose. I was sleeping great. I just wanted to show off my pajamas. ~ Dorothy: It's not a fly, Rose. Rose: Spanish fly is not a fly? Dorothy: No. Rose: What is it? Dorothy: It's a beetle. Rose: They call it a fly but it's really a beetle? Dorothy: Yes. Rose: How do they know it's Spanish? Dorothy: Because it wears a little sombrero, Rose! ~ Dorothy: This is loaded with caffiene! Rose: But we need caffiene. Especially women our age, or our bones will get brittle and we'll walk all stooped over. |
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| Blanche: You know girls, we are going on a romantic cruise with Jeff, Rich and Randy, and this day in age it might not be a bad idea to bring... you know... protection. Rose: What do you mean? Dorothy: Two armed Pinkerton guards, Rose! No, Blanche was talking about what's over there. (Points to counter) Rose: A Nestle Crunch? Dorothy: Over one. Rose: An enema bag? Dorothy: To the left. Rose: Dentu-Grip?! Dorothy: CONDOMS, ROSE! CONDOMS, CONDOMS, CONDOMS! |
| Rose: Well you're not gonna believe this. I've just been talking on the phone for a half hour and guess what! Blanche: You forgot to dial first? Rose: No! Dorothy: You held the receiver upside down. Rose: Huh-uh. Dorothy: It wasn't even the phone; it was the TV remote control. Rose: No. Blanche: A shoe? Rose: Blanche, please, I'm not an idiot... The TV has a remote control?! ~ Blanche: I suppose we could prove Mr.Livingston was faking his injuries if we could trick him into performing certain acts of a sexual nature. All we'd need is a devastatingly beautiful woman with a flair for seduction. Rose: How about Mrs.Hoofstad down the street? I mean, she's something of a dog but she'll do it with anybody! Blanche: I was talking about me. Rose: Oh yeah! You will too! Blanche: Rose, I won't go all the way. I'll just get him in the bedroom and put him through the normal warm-up, and we'll have a certain Scandanavian nit-wit hiding in the closet with a camera! Rose: Wouldn't it be better if I hid in the closet? ~ Blanche: I've had it with you! I'm going to my room and I may never come out! Rose: Is it the weekend already? ~ Mrs. Weston: What are you seeing? Blanche: Nightmare on Elmstreet 4. Rose: Do you have to see 1, 2, and 3 to appreciate it? Dorothy: No, Rose. It stands alone. ~ Rose. George is the only man to ever see me naked. Blanche: Get outta here. Rose: Well except for Charlie of course. Blanche: Get outta here. Rose: And the vet. Dorothy: The vet? Rose: Our prize hen, Henrietta, had some kind of a chicken disease. I don't know exactly what it was. Dorothy: The chicken pox. Rose: No, I don't think so. Anyway, I had an earache so he saw us both at the same time. Dorothy: For that you got naked?! Rose: I thought that was strange too! ~ Rose: I just got a special delivery letter from St. Olaf. Uh oh. It's from the department of water and coffee. Dorothy: Coffee? Rose: No thanks, it makes me jumpy. ~ Rose: Blanche, I don't think you realize how powerful sex is. Once, Charlie and I did it till the cows came home! Of course, I was wearing a bell. ~ Blanche: Rose, if you're gonna be my lump of clay, you're gonna have to be a little bit smarter. ~ (Rose enters the kitchen) Rose: Hi Dorothy. Cooking? Dorothy: No Rose, I'm developing pictures from the Magellean Space Program. ~ Rose: I've never told a lie... Well just once when I snuck out of class to go to the movies. Dorothy: That's not much of a lie. Rose: That's what I thought. It turned out to be the day they taught everything! Dorothy: The final piece of the puzzle. ~ Blanche: I am going to be a model. There I was sitting at the lunch counter and just like Ms. Lana Turner, I was discovered. Well, not exactly like Ms. Lana Turner. Rose: You mean she was sipping a soda and you were scarfing down your usual lumberjack breakfast? ~ Rose: Can you belive it? I'm beginning to think Blanche is hung up on her looks. Dorothy: Boy, you don't need lightening to strike you. Rose: No thanks. Not again. Once was enough. Dorothy: An extra pice of the puzzle. ~ Rose: Do these glasses make me look stupid? Blanche: Let's just say they don't hide it. |
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