Golf Jokes
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| Ford Cars -vs- Golf Balls What's the difference between a Ford and a golf ball? You can drive a golf ball 200 yards. Politics and Golf Q: What golfing what foursome do you never want to be behind? A: Monica Lewinsky because she's a hooker; O.J. Simpson, since he's a slicer; Ted Kennedy -- he can't drive over water; and Bill Clinton, because he'll go for any hole. Preacher Playing Hooky A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked outside and saw it was a beautiful day. He decided to skip church and go play golf. So he called the junior pastor at his church and told him he was sick and couldn't give the sermon. The junior pastor told him not to worry, he would deliver the sermon. The pastor drove about 40 miles away from town to avoid being spotted. As he was setting up his first drive on the first hole, Jesus leaned over to God in heaven and asked him, "Are You going to let him get away with this?" God told Jesus not to worry, he would handle it. Right as God said that, the preacher hit the drive of his life. The ball traveled all 450 feet to the green, bounced once, and rolled in the hole. The preacher was ecstatic. Jesus asked God,"Why would you let him do that?" G-spot vs. a Golfball What is the differnce between a golf ball and a G-spot? A guy will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball. Mini Meanie The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition. "Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I' l l help you win." "Done," shouted the young golfer. The leperechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily. When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?" "Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar. Ready, Aim... A Vicar and his friend, Colin were playing golf. Colin misses a 3 foot putt and yells, "Goddamn it, missed the bugger!" and the vicar says, "If you keep saying that then God will punish you." Next hole Colin misses a 2 foot putt and says "Goddamn it, missed the bugger!" and the vicar says, "ONE more time Colin, and God will punish you!" Then Colin misses a one foot putt and "GOD DAMN IT!!!MISSED THE BUGGER!" Suddenly clouds form overhead. God comes down from Heaven and strikes the Vicar dead with a bolt of thunder. God says, "Goddamn it! Missed the bugger!" Bullish on Trousers Why did the golf player take an extra pair of pants when he went out on the golf course? Just in case he got a hole in one. Caddy Humor Golfer: Notice any improvement since last year? Caddy: Polished your clubs, didn't you? Golfer: Why do you keep looking at your watch? Caddy: This isn't a watch, sir. It's a compass. Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf. Caddy: Oh, he's played with you, too, huh? ''Caddy, why didn't you see where that ball went?'' ''Well, it doesn't usually go anywhere, Mr. Smith. You caught me off guard.'' |