No More Booze
Chapter 1
“A Drug-Induced Euphoria”
The first thing I remembered was the numbness. It was like I was outside myself, just looking in from far away. Then I suddenly remembered what had happened last night.
“FUCK!!!” Screw the neighbors.
I’d spent weeks--no, months--keeping myself under control. Not a side-long glance, not a word, not even the slightest loss of hand control. And then it’d all gone to shit. I’d hit on Brian last night. The drinking was a mistake. Inviting him over was a mistake. And swigging that Bacardi was a huge fucking mistake. But there was no taking it back now.
The problem with blacking out when you’re drunk is that you never get those memories back, so all the things you did while you were out are a surprise when you’re yourself again. What was especially surprising was the coffee all over my desk and chair. Suddenly, I had a flash of trying to drink some of that coffee and tasting vomit-laced espresso. Guess I’m not going to be having coffee again any time soon.
After glancing around to assess the damage, I pulled my towel off the rack by the sink and got a cup of water. There’s no way I was going to let my roommate see all this. I scrubbed for a while, but I couldn’t get all the puke out. I did better with the coffee, but the stain on my mouse-pad would be staying over for a good long time. It could’ve been worse. At least I didn’t die in my sleep.
I took a break. Then I realized just how nauseous I was. I really felt like hurling some more just then, but thankfully I didn’t. I thought about it for a second or so. I instant-messaged Stephanie, telling her never to let me drink again. She was away, and that was probably for the best at the moment. I didn’t really feel like having a conversation just then. I climbed back up on my bed. Climbing into a lofted bed when you’re feeling sick is no easy task, but I managed okay. I drifted off with surprising ease. Thank God for small favors.
Last night was so confusing. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. I had it all planned out. I’d stay home, do some reading, and go to bed early. It was supposed to be relaxing. If only Will hadn’t called, if only I hadn’t gotten really drunk, if only…I hadn’t kissed him. And worse, I liked it. I really liked it. This is just bad.
The room was a little dark. It was mostly the thick curtains blocking out the light. The walls were dark blue, but it was still mostly the curtains. Brian didn’t really like the color of the walls, but he didn’t feel like paying to have them repainted. It was like a burden of necessity.
He dragged himself out of bed and into the bathroom in the hall. He leaned over the sink and stared into the mirror. He looked like shit. His hair was mussed, his clothes were barely on him, and his eyes were blotchy. But he didn’t notice. He was too busy thinking about Will, Will throwing up, Will passing out, and Will being carried down the hall. And yet these images didn’t spoil his memory of that kiss. Less than a minute, yet it seemed to last an eternity.
(Mini-Flashback Time)
Will had just finished chugging the Bacardi. He was all flushed and had a stupid grin on his face. Carolina, the slightly passed out but only sober one at the party, had pulled the Bacardi out of Will’s hands. And then the attention went to Jeff who was downing shots of Sex on the Beach.
Will was looking directly into Brian’s eyes. Well, he was doing his best to keep his eyes on his face at least. His smile widened slightly as his hand slid under Brian’s shirt and pressed against his back. They just looked at each other like that for a few seconds, then Brian leaned forward and…
(End Flash)
“Heya, Bri.” Brian was awoken from his reverie by a hand patting his shoulder. “Rough night?”
“Um...,” he thought for a moment about how to answer that, “yeah, just the usual partying.”
“Cool, man. I didn’t get to do any partying last night. Too much work to do.”
“Work?!” The haze suddenly lifted at the laughable thought. “You’re so full of shit!”
Jake laughed at that. “Yeah, okay. I was fucking that one freshman chick from the other day.”
Brian felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk about sex just now. “Hey, I need to take a dump, okay? So…ya mind?”
“Oh, sure. We just got some Bacardi, so if you want some later, it’s in the fridge.”
Woah, thought Brian. “Um…naw, I don’t think I’ll be drinking tonight.”
“Okay, whatever. See you later man. I’m off to work.”
At that Brian was alone again with his thoughts.
I was making my way across the courtyard in the middle of all the dorms. I was surprised that I didn’t have either a headache or light sensitivity. Usually hangovers give me blinding pain at the mere mention of light, but I guess the feeling in the pit of my stomach took all the pain credits for this hangover.
I hoped I looked okay. I was way too out of it to shave, and I’m sure my clothes looked tossed on. Well, it didn’t matter anyway. It was Saturday. Most everyone was in their pj’s anyway, so nobody would’ve cared. As I got in the cafeteria, I looked around to make sure Brian wasn’t there. He sometimes showed up near the door, eating by himself and looking really in need of someone to sit with him, but I couldn’t face him just then. I was sure he hated me. How could he not after what I did?
There was an unusually large crowd in the food court that day, more than you’d expect before 2. But they were still serving breakfast. I just stood there for a moment, uncertain as to what I could actually eat in that state. I finally settled on some cereal. I really wanted some right then, but I’m not sure why.
I was scooping the cereal into my bowl, totally focused on the task at hand. Funny thing about hangovers is that I tend to feel a little like I did when I was actually drunk. My coordination was shot, but I was managing not to look it. Then there was someone standing next to me and a hand on my arm. I looked up to see someone I definitely didn’t want to see. Josh. I went to high school with him, had a crush on him a few times, and the moment we got to college, I didn’t hear a word out of him. After about six months, I’d totally forgotten about him. The moment sophomore year started, he was all over me. I’ll be damned if I ever figure out why.
“Hey, man.” There was that smile again. I used to find it endearing. Now I found it kind of annoying.
“Um…hey.” I tried to put as little enthusiasm as possible into those two words, then made a hasty retreat toward the checkout line. But, rather unfortunately, he followed me.
“So…you doing anything today?” Please tell me I never sound that desperate.
“I’ll probably be doing homework. I have a lot of reading to catch up on.” I am such a liar sometimes. I mean, I am behind in my reading, but I had absolutely no intention of getting caught up any time soon. Why couldn’t he get the picture?! I just wasn’t interested any more.
“Well, could I stop by later…just for a little while?” Dammit! I can never say no when people are this desperate.
“Alright. But if I’m busy, I won’t be good company.” He cheered up noticeably at this. He had such a big smile on his face that I couldn’t help but smile a bit too. Not that I let him see that.
Maybe I should just talk to him. We’re both adults. We’re mature. Oh, who am I kidding. He won’t want to talk to me. He probably won’t even want to see me. Why would he want to hang out with a fag like me?! I should just accept that our friendship is over and move on.
Brian knew that’d be the easiest way to go. But he also knew he could never do that. Will was more than just this cute guy he hung out with. He’d become…a friend, a real friend. And Brian didn’t have enough of those to willing let one go, not without fighting it first. So now all he had to do was figure out how to do that.
There was only one person he could think of to turn to at a time like this, his closest friend of the female persuasion, his confidant in matters too personal to share with most others, his occasional beard whenever he had to go somewhere with a date, Lisa.
Standing in front of Lisa’s house, Chain House, he was starting to feel a little awkward. He’d never asked her for advice about guys before. Then again, he’d never seriously liked a guy before, either. Sure, he’d had a couple quickie relationships and a few one-night-stands, but that was it. This was uncharted territory for him.
He knocked lightly and let himself in. He was a regular at Chain House, so nobody minded him just coming in. Actually, most preferred it over actually taking the effort to go to the front and open it for him.
As he got to Lisa’s door, he heard the unmistakable sounds of fucking. He smiled to himself. It seemed to him that Lisa was always getting a lot more than he was. He was a little curious what this guy looked like, but he decided to wait in the living room for them to finish rather than overstep his bounds, as nonexistent as they were.
Brian stared out the window from the couch. It was getting late, and the sun was pretty low. It can’t possibly
take this long, he thought. It’s been nearly an hour, for God’s sake!
Just then, a guy Brian didn’t recognize came skulking down the stairs carrying some of his clothes. He instantly knew what this was all about. Lisa’s way of getting rid of guys after having her way with them was to pretend to fall asleep right after. That gave the guy time to “stealthily” sneak away. The guy slipped out, apparently not noticing Brian. And at that very moment, Lisa glided down the stairs, a serene look of bliss on her face. She was positively glowing.
“Brian!” she squealed, her voice radiating post-coital bliss.
...more to come...
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