SOME THINGS YOU SHOULD *NEVER* DO

-Be a vegetarian
-Yell at babies
-Yell at gang members
-Shoot at babies
-Shoot at gang members
-Shoot your own foot
-Break people's windshields
-Study
-Be gay
-Throw stuff at the White House
-Kick homeless people
-Follow parental orders the 1st and 2nd time
-Eat poop
-Be left handed
-Chew Foil
-Get stuck in Cuba
-Store things in your butt
-Respect the lunch monitors
-Yell at the proctors during finals
-Stay the full time in Gym
-Eat Chinese food
-Let down your guard (The families of the ants want revenge)
-Yell bomb on an airplane
-Swim at Playland's Beach
-Get really defensive when asked "How are you doing?"
-Play capture the flag in Walmart
-Bury People alive
-Point a fake gun at the president
-Bathe in urine
-Forget where you parked in Cambodia
-Even just go to Cambodia
-Introduce yourself as Osama
-Drink Surge (unless you're using it as a contraceptive or a laxative)
-Work at work
-Eat money
-Eat poison
-Drink poison
-Smoke Poison
-Run into a burning building to save your pet sea-monkeys
-Try to preserve your left hand in formaldehyde
-Feed dogs chocolate
-Not feed cats chocolate
-Eat California
-Lick the ground
-Dissolve
-Poke a water buffalo in the eye & start running
-Poke a man
-Scream "I'm a poké-master" while showering in prison
-Wear a sign saying "open house" while showering in prison
-Hit a gang member w/ a big stick and say "yeah, whadda ya' gonna do, Donatello"
-Refer to your mother repeatedly as "chief."
-Try to fly
-Drink out of a fire hose
-Put a knot in a fire-hose
-Paint "Rescue Vehicle" on your car and tease accident victims
-Stick needles in the condom boxes
-Keep fish sticks in your pockets
-Volunteer to hold the firecracker while they light it
-Play "Hold the metal pole" in a thunder storm
-Look to the sky and scream "Holy Shit" at an airshow
-Be impressed by a clown
-Play "Who can drink the most water"
-Play "Who has more blood"
-Play "Who can swallow the biggest object"
-Play "My car is stronger"
-Play "Bet I won't die"
-Play "I can climb higher than you can"
-Play "First one to get hit by a bus is the coolest!"
-Play "Bet my skin's thicker"
-Play "Bet I can fit both feet into my ear"
-Figure out what kind of bullets hurt the most
-Stick your finger in a gang member's gun
-Buy the CD "The best of really bad music"
-Put an 8-track player in your car
-Pierce your leg
-Move to a town called "Rednecks"
-Play "My nuclear bomb works better than yours"
-Eat dirt
-Go to church dressed like Jesus
-Eat in a operating room
-Put fake blood on yourself & call the ambulance just to see what happens
-Drink the water in Mexico
-Go to Mexico
-Throw boxes of merchandise into a trash compactor
-Masturbate with a cheese grater
-Masturbate with John Grater
-Be really salty
-Cross the line
-Push the envelope so far you just OPEN IT BABY YEAH
-Think the above is funny
-Use a tampon to cure explosive diarrhea
-Handcuff your wrists to your ankles & go to Greenwich Village w/o pants
-Try to dodge bullets
-Play it to the bone
-Freak out & actually believe that your are Truman
-Not have legs
-Get married on Jerry Springer Wedding Special
-Turn off the paved road
-Pee in MY pool
-Open the gates of hell
-F*ck around with my dog
-Can up farts for many years just to see what happens when you uncan many years worth of farts in your car while driving over a bridge
-Fart in a phone booth
-Search around the Bermuda Triangle
-Use your balls to hold a nail while you hammer it
-Trade livers with Mrs. Eschman
-Store a human head in your locker
-Prank call the police
-Sit on the men's room floor
-Drink milk straight from a cow
-Answer a police man "dude, hold on once second, I'm in the middle of something Idiot."
-Begin a request to your mother with "Yo, bitch…"
-Just start climbing something
-Weld manhole covers shut when people are in the sewer
-Switch lunch bags with dirty Frank
-Sodomize ME
-Accidentally break the last parachute
-Replace parachute with stuff "you might need"
-MATH
-Eat stuff you found at the mall
-Return food you found at the mall to the Lost and Found
-Take a homeless guy's blanket
-Try to live in a box for a few days
-Use spray paint as a condiment
-Corner a squirrel
-Try and find your used balls at the driving range
-Pretend to be a golf ball at the driving range
-Put BenGay on your nutsack
-Use cheese as gum
-Beat Fradella in defense
-Eat a plain footlong hot dog (no bun either)
-Eat just mustard
-Eat just mayo
-Shave your neighbor's child's head
-Shave your neighbor's dog
-Purchase a self-amputation kit
-Shave your neighbor
-Put duct tape on your balls and rip it off
-Show up at the doctor's office already undressed
-Accept a job as "mop & bucket man" at the hardcore german porn theatre
-Lick a cold metal pole
-Give a child a plastic bag for his birthday
-Buy all of the jello at the supermarket
-Mistake packing P-Nuts for actual peanuts
-Try to jump the Grand Canyon on a unicycle
-Drop your pen in your iced tea bottle
-Chuck full soda cans at your car
-Light your heat on fire
-But your hand in the bowling ball return
-Be a bowling pin
-Be gum
-Be a male thong
-Call Fradella's bluff
-Walk barefoot around the farm
-Refer to floors at your job as "my dick"
-Order a zebra online
-Keep a plastic parrot on your shoulder and constantly converse with it in public
-Answer your phone "Pizza Hut?" all the time
-Answer the phone "Grandma?" all the time
-Join the gay mile high club
-Play Guess Who w/ the pilot
-Shine your laser pointer on the pope
-Name your restaurant "Kentucky Fried Stuff"
-Park illegally in Singapore
-Swallow marbles
-Milk a bull
-Do chemistry labs
-Watch "Return to Oz"
-Watch the Pokémon movie sober.
-Have a thumbtack eating contest
-Not know that spandex is a privilege, not a right
-Wear Evan's hat (without proper vaccinations first)
-Not mock the blind sub