Angels from Near and Far A Resource for Adopting Children

Angels from Near and Far
A Resource for Adopting Children

Lia's Adjustment!

July 1999 at Home

Our Happy Ending...
Time did much to heal her sad little heart, to knit us together, and to lessen the pain of leaving her best friend in China. She is now happy here, loves our home and the other children, and has attached to everyone. Lia is a treasure! She is artistic, funny, energetic, athletic, intelligent, affectionate, courageous, and an excellent student. She has won our hearts over and we are very happy she is in our family.

Adopting Older Kids?
Even though adopting an older child is difficult in many ways, and it can be very scary, I still am an advocate of this. I would do it again, even though our beginning was rough. Babies are not easy, either, and with them you also are sleep deprived for months following their placement in your family. With an older child there are painful memories, language barriers, adjustments, and things to work through. Babies have those things, too, but their early memories are embedded in their unconscious and they cannot talk about them. Adopting a younger age child is no guarantee that there will not be attachment problems or issues with sensory integration or socialization, although the younger the child at adoption, the easier it is to overcome problems. You should read much about potential problems and talk to many people before undertaking it. Be prepared and educated, and ready to do whatever it takes to help your little one. I think the best book on this is "Our Own," by Trish Maskew. Another great book on adopting older kids is "Help for the Hopeless Child," by Ronald Federicci. In it he outlines a terrific "orphanage detoxification" program for newly adopted kids. This is a wonderful attachment tool.

Her Adjustment
We had Lia take English tutoring through a private language institute. She took classes four days a week for nine weeks, and it gave her a jump start on learning our language. When Lia had been home about seven weeks she began to show signs of accepting me. Each day brought new trust, more freedom, understanding, and a love grew that nothing can break. The rewards are terrific! This was not an easy experience, but has been a very worthwhile one. Lia continues to make amazing progress in attachment and in school.

Kids in orphanages miss much in their early years, not only developmentally and educationally, but also miss the affectionate nurturing and loving security that we take for granted. Orphanage life causes delays of many kinds, but once a child is placed in a family they usually catch up quickly. We are all born needing human interaction, nurturing, and affection in order to grow and develop properly. Even good nutrition and health care cannot substitute for the lack of a family's love. Children thrive best when they are in loving families.

Another Chapter...
We could not leave Lia's best friend to grow up in the orphanage. We always sent her gifts, photos, and were able to receive photos of her growing up. When the chance came for us to adopt this friend, we jumped into it! That story is in, "Returning for A Friend."