Interview

DCWB: Hi Angel, it's great to have you here.
Angel: .........

(I take a slight pause to appreciate the moment, then I continue)...

DCWB: Right, we'll start with the basics. Have you even engaged in sexual activity with another man?
Angel: ..........
DCWB: Oh, sorry. I was reading the questionnaire for James Vam Der Beek.
Angel: .........No, that's okay. I'll answer it.
DCWB: Oh, then.......have you?
Angel: No.
DCWB: Okay then, glad we've sorted that one out.

(Angel nods, clearly not impressed).

DCWB: The ratings for Angel are very similar to the ratings for Buffy. Why do you think that is?
Angel: Well, it's because they're both exactly the same show isn't it?
DCWB: .....No they're not.
Angel: ...........Oh.

(A long scilence fills the room. I shuffle slightly in my seat, trying to get confortable. Angel sits there very still, he doesn't seem to be in too much of a hurry.)

DCWB: So, Angel, I was wondering. Do you plan to take part in any productions outside of the Buffy series'?
Angel: No, I can't.
DCWB: Oh really? Why is that?
Angel: Because there aren't any films coming out that have vampires in them.
DCWB: I mean with you playing something else, other than a vampire.

(Angel looks at me puzzled for a minute, then looks away. The room is, once again, filled with scilence).

DCWB: Err, Angel?
Angel: Yes?
DCWB: Um, are you going to answer the question?
Angel: Sure.
DCWB: ........Well?
Angel: I'll have to ask my agent.
DCWB: Oh. Fair enough.
Angel: .........
DCWB: .........

(A staring contest then begins between us. I lose easily, I've got a busy day ahead).

DCWB: Okay. Let's discuss the future of the character, Angel.
Angel: Yes, let's.

(I can tell he's patranizing me, but I let it go).

DCWB: Right. First of all, is he going to go evil again?
Angel: I'm afraid I can't tell you that.
DCWB: Aww. Why not?
Angel: Because I don't know.
DCWB: Oh. Okay then.
Angel: .............
DCWB: You don't really know all that much do you?
Angel: .......I dunno.

(I choke back a laugh. He walked right into that one. I've given up taking this inverview seriously).

Angel: Why did you just laugh then?
DCWB: I didn't laugh.
Angel: Yes you did. I heard you.
DCWB: No, I didn't. Now, can we please get on to the next question?
Angel: Not until you've apologised for laughing.
DCWB: Okay, I'm sorry. Now, the next question...
Angel: It's just people do tend to laugh whenever I am around and I think it's very inpolite when they deny it afterwards.
DCWB: I totally agree. Now, onto the next question...
Angel: Have you even been listening to what I've been saying?
DCWB: Of course. It was something about not talking to strangers. Now if we could please go on to the next ques-
Angel: No. I'm sick of being treated like the only reason I was picked for this part was because I'm tall, dark and handsome!

(I choke back another laugh. This is the last straw for Angel, who proceeds to quickly turn himself into a bat and fly out the window, before realising that he is not actually capable of doing that and falling to his grizzly doom. I take a moment to mourn his passing away, then lose intrest and start writing the latest 'This Week On the WB' section. The interview is over).