Once upon a time, there...was...a...

...carton of milk.

Yes, a carton of milk. It lay there on the table. Yeah. With milk. Whee. Anyway, it stood there because...well, because. And then, and then...

CRACK! There was a cataclysmic earthquake. An enormous crack suddenly appeared in the ground. Chairs fell. Cups fell. A milk carton fell. And all that milk went into the crack along with three chairs, two cups, and a table.

Down, down below, twenty thousand feet below the earth's crust, lay gooey, hot, boiling magma. Actually, it made a geyser of lava out of the cataclysmic crack, so it might qualify as "lava." Then again, it fell back into the crack, so it's technically magma. But still, it came out from underground thus making it lava. Eh. Anyway.

So the three chairs, two cups, and one table plummeted through the air, or would it be considered as "air" since it's underground. Oh well, they were plummeting at 30 mph toward the boiling hot liquid down below. The wooden chairs and table sizzled instantly in the hot steam from the magma. The two ceramic cups survived longer, but still incinerated after an extra twelve feet. But the carton of milk...

Once upon a time, there was a duck. And - Okay, okay, I'll continue. The milk carton burned up into oblivion. But the milk - it was, well, I'd say enchanted. You see, ordinary milk would just vanish in this immense heat, but this enchanted milk survived and SPLOOSH!, the milk fell into the magma, or lava in the case that that particular magma had seen the surface of the crust. Anyway.

The milk looked like a white blob of ameba on, well, reddish blackish magma. Then it began to spread. It spread and spread engulfing the magma all over the entire the Earth's interior. Until...

All of the Earth's magma turned into milk. Now, it wasn't soon until the people of Earth, also known as people, Earthlings, humans, man, mankind, and homo-sapiens, discovered that something had happened to their beloved magma. The people of Iceland noticed first when their active volcanoes began spewing out gallons of milk by the thousands. Hawaii noticed soon afterwards when tourists in the largest island of Hawaii were drenched in cold milk. Yum. And the rest of the world figured it out by something we call CNN.

There was chaos everywhere. Riots sparked in every major city. Cults began rising everywhere. And- Okay, that didn't really happen. The people of the world, also known as pitiful, hairless monkeys, were appalled by this strange disaster. Well, it wasn't too much of a disaster. In places in the world that had active volcanoes, people began swarming to those places making pilgrimages to get free milk. Low fat too. Before the milk cooled down after replacing the magma, much of the fat had been reduced. It must have been the heat. And the people made shrines of the volcanoes, never to starve again because of all that glorious milk.

Okay, that didn't happen either. There are a lot of milk-haters out there. They'd prefer something like a soda or iced tea or coffee. So people began to pour all sorts of different preferred beverages into every volcano existent, active or dormant. The earth could not handle something like this, not the dumping of billions of gallons of liquids into its interior. So not long after this drink-dumping frenzy, the earth began to swell to the point where it exploded. Some aliens passing by in space claim to have seen this.

We were passing by an sorry little blue-green planet, the third planet of nine, actually eight, planets (four rocky bodies, four gas bodies, and a white dwarf mistaken for a planet) circling a medium-sized star in Sector West, Galaxy M. Suddenly the planet began to swell. And it grew and grew until it exploded. Alas, it was but an enormous white blob of semi-thick liquid, like the green oceans of Xerxes. We now would like to take the opportunity to rename this planet as not The Earth, but...