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Long ago and far away in a forest lived Toby the Moose. He was a decent fellow with a decent name. Yet Toby the Moose was not happy. What was the reason, you ask?
Toby the Moose wasn't a moose in reality. He was a duck - Toby the Moose the duck. Get it? Good.
Well Toby the Moose the duck was unhappy, like I was saying before. Whenever he went out his conversation with passerbys went like this:
Toby the Moose: Hello.
Passerby: Hello, there. What's your name?
Toby the Moose: Toby the Moose.
Passerby: That's an odd name.
Toby the Moose: How so? It's my name.
Passerby: Well....you're a duck.
Toby the Moose: I can see that.
Passerby: Your name is Toby the Moose.
Toby the Moose: Yes. That's what I just said.
Passerby: You're name is Toby the Moose and you're a duck.
Toby the Moose: I know that. I'm not stupid.
Passerby: I'm not saying that---but your name implies that you're a moose.
Toby the Moose: I'm not a moose. I'm a duck.
Passerby: Yes, that's why your name is so odd.
Toby the Moose: It's odd?
As it turns out, Toby the Moose didn't have much friends.
Everyone thought he was weird. Toby the Moose turned out to be a bitter, old, mean duck. He spent his days hiding out in a bitter, old, mean swamp of his own, hidden away from society. He spent his life that way, demising plans to get revenge on the curse brought upon him. And who, might you say, had brought this curse upon him?
The ever-so-famous One Namer. Surprise, surprise.
So, Toby the Moose spent his bitter, old, mean years plotting to get back at the One Namer. And then one day, it hit him. And boy, did it hurt his bitter, old, mean head.
"I know!" Toby the Moose shouted. "I am going to sue the One Namer!" He called up his lawyer, Cow. Cow was a duck, as well, and plenty successful, might I add.
Together Toby the Moose and Cow would sue the One Namer and have all the Naming powers in the world. That night, Cow gave the One Namer a call.
"Hello?" the One Namer asked.
"Yes, this is Cow, duck lawyer. I have called to inform you that Toby the Moose, my client, has decided to sue you."
"For what?" the One Namer asked in disbelief.
"For pain, suffering, loneliness, and embarrassment, which resulted in many years of being bitter, old and mean living in solitude in a swampy pond. One Namer, you have destroyed a life."
"How much is he sueing me for?!" One Namer asked. He was beginning to panic.
"Let me see...Toby the Moose, could you get me a calculator? Yes, thank
you...hmm, pain..(doot doot), suffering (doot doot doot), loneliness (doot),
embarrassment..(doot doot doot doot doot), resulted in bitterness (doot),
oldness (doot) and meanness (doot), solitude...(doot doot doot) and living in
a swampy pond (doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot)."
"Well?" the One Namer asked. "How much?"
"Two dollars."
"What?!" The One Namer nearly fell out of his face. And that's pretty bad, because it's a little hard to fall out of your face.
"Thank you. See you in court, One Namer." They both hung up.
"Nooooo," the One Namer cried. "How am I gonna get out of this? How am I supposed to get a lawyer at this hour? How am I going to earn two dollars?!"
But soon enough, the One Namer came up with a plan of his own.
Yes, this was a great plan.
The next morning, it was court day. The One Namer hid behind a bush ready to do his sneaky plan. The car of Toby the Moose was heading straight down the road. Suddenly, the One Namer backed up and parked his car in the middle of the road.
"I知 a genius!" thought the One Namer. "He値l crash into my car and I値l sue him! Ha ha h-"
"Excuse me, sir," said a voice from behind the One Namer. The One Namer looked behind him. There stood a police officer.
"What is it, officer?" asked the One Namer with fear.
"I found your car parked in the middle of the road," said the police officer.
"Yeah? So?"
"Well, everybody knows it痴 illegal AND incredibly STUPID to park your car in the middle of the road. I知 afraid I値l have to give you a ticket."
"Why? I知 not traveling anywhere."
"No, not THAT kind of ticket. A ticket for violation of traffic laws." The One Namer began to panic. "I'm afraid," said the officer, "that you値l have to pay a fine."
"How much?"
"Hmmm. Hold on. Do you have a calculator? Thanks. Okay. Violation of traffic laws. (doot doot) Chance of accident. (doot doot doot) Wearing unmatching socks. (doot doo-"
"Hey! That痴 not a traffic law!" exclaimed the One Namer.
"Okay, okay. So you have to pay
[moment of suspense]
4 dollars."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
"First two dollars, then FOUR dollars! What next? Ughhhhhh!!!!!"
"Well, I値l sue that Moose dude FIVE dollars! Then my debt will be paid off!" (Obviously, the One Namer was never really good at math.) "Hmmm. How should I do this?" I know!!! I値l run into his car, get hit, and so I can sue him!!"
So the next day, the One Namer actually did get hit by Toby the Moose痴 car on purpose. Unfortunately, it was too obvious for the One Namer to blame it on Toby the Moose and the One Namer ended up in the hospital.
"Ughhhhhh!!! Failure AGAIN!!!" the One Namer said to himself. "First the two dollars, then my car gets wrecked, and then I have to pay four dollars, and then I get hit by a car! What next?"
What next? When the One Namer saw his medical bill, he again almost fell out of his face which is really hard to do.
Today, the One Namer is carless and deep in debt. When he will finally pay his debts, we値l never know.