Lonely

 

            “I didn’t know you frequented bars.”

            Tsuzuki glanced up from his still-full glass to the speaker. His lips curved into a rueful smile as Watari say down next to him. “I didn’t know *you* did.”

            “Well, you see, I don’t.” Watari smiled as if he’d explained the world’s problems to Tsuzuki and brought his hand down, his own half-empty glass secured in it. Tsuzuki glanced from the glass to Watari and realized Watari must have been there for a while, long enough to order and consume half of a drink. Long enough to see him…Tsuzuki’s face reddened and he took a swift swallow of his drink.

            A soft smile played on the blonde’s lips as he saw Tsuzuki’s embarrassment. “Something wrong?” he inquired gently, watching with amusement as Tsuzuki turned his head away from Watari’s curious gaze and drummed his fingers restlessly on the bar countertop.

            “Don’t do this to me,” Tsuzuki whispered softly. “You saw the scene with Hisoka. Everyone did. Just say what you’re thinking and get it over with.”

            “All right then. You’re right. I saw you and Hisoka arguing out there and I saw you storm into the bar. I was watching the whole time.”

            “And…?”

            “And I think you’re taking it too hard.” Watari nodded solemnly at his own words. “Hisoka doesn’t mean half of what he says, he’s just so frustrated he says things he doesn’t mean.”

            “I make him frustrated,” Tsuzuki mumbled, pushing his glass from hand to hand

            “Everyone makes Hisoka frustrated. He’s a confused man, stuck perpetually in puberty. His body and emotions never had the time to mature fully into adulthood. Now he’s dead and stuck with you for a partner. He doesn’t understand you, Tsuzuki…so he lashes out. Give the kid a break.” Watari leaned back in the stool, tilting it at what was a seemingly unsafe angle. His eyes half closed and he smiled at Tsuzuki.

            “Um…Watari-san…” Tsuzuki began, watching as the stool teetered precariously on its unsteady balance.

            “Yes?”

            “Maybe you shouldn’t be tilting your chair like that…”

            “You’re right. I shouldn’t.” Watari opened his eyes to agree with Tsuzuki’s advice just as the chair toppled over and the blonde man fell to the dusty floor with a shouted curse.

            “Oi! Watari! You okay?” Tsuzuki peered down at the man on the floor, his expression hidden by waves of blonde hair. “Waaatttaaarrrii…”

            “I’m okay,” Watari said finally. “Just a little dusty.”

            “I’ll help you up,” Tsuzuki volunteered, jumping off his own stool and offering Watari his hand. Watari accepted, allowing Tsuzuki to help pull him off the ground. A small smile curved over Tsuzuki’s lips suddenly. “Your hair. It’s covered with dust and all sorts of gross stuff.”

            “Thanks for sharing,” Watari responded dryly, brushing the offending items out of his long hair. Tsuzuki let out another snicker, biting his tongue mid-laughter as Watari shot a cold glare at him. “See if I try to play the role of a comforting friend for *you* ever again,” Watari grumbled, his hands finally leaving his hair and falling to his sides.

            “I’m sorry…but…you looked so f-f-funny!” Tsuzuki managed to gasp out between bouts of laughter.

            “Hmph. It wasn’t *that* funny.”

            “Hey! Where’re you going?” Tsuzuki yelped as suddenly, Watari turned and headed towards the exit.

            Watari shrugged. “Well, you seemed to be feeling better so I figured I wasn’t needed anymore…so I guess I’m going back to the lab.”

            “No! Stay with me, I’m so bored and lonely.” Something vaguely resembling a pout formed on Tsuzuki’s face. “Please? Hisoka’s mad at me and Tatsumi only bitches about work and money when I talk to him. I need someone to talk too.”

            Watari paused for a long moment, obviously considering Tsuzuki’s offer. Tsuzuki’s eyes locked onto his for a long moment, their violet depths filled with a pleading Watari couldn’t refuse. “All right.” A small smile tugged at the corners of Watari’s lips. “What did you want to talk about?”

 

#@#@#@

 

            “I’ll cook!”

            “No. Absolutely not.”

            “Why? I’m a *good* cook,” Tsuzuki insisted. Ten minutes ago, on the way to Tsuzuki’s apartment, Tsuzuki had insisted happily he’d cook. Now, ten minutes later, he was still insisting. “It’s MY apartment and *I* say I can cook!”

            “No. Way.” Watari shook his head. “*You* provided the apartment so *I’ll* cook.”

            “But…well…” Tsuzuki stuttered out, still trying to think out a good reason why he could cook. The little fiasco in the staff room with the coffee pot last month didn’t mean a *thing* about his cooking abilities! Why was everyone so down on his cooking skills since then?

            “Well nothing. Tsuzuki, you know you can’t even boil water.”

            “I can TOO!”

            Watari raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you want to eat tonight or not?”

            “Ye-es…”

            “Then stop arguing. You wanted to talk to me anyways, not cook with me. I’ll cook, you talk.”

            “Well, *fine* then.” Tsuzuki grumbled and propped his chin up on his hands, sending a swift glare to Watari. The blonde took no note of it and finally, Tsuzuki gave up on his injured air and simply watched the blonde move around his kitchen. “You can cook?”

            “Cooking is a science. I’m a scientist. Of course I can cook,” Watari replied matter-of-factly, clanging around in the kitchen. “How do you *survive* Tsuzuki? There’s nothing in here but apples and chocolate!”

            “I dunno. I am dead, aren’t I?”

            “Funny. That’s so easy to forget.” Watari smiled softly as he came up with a handful of apples. “I am going to make us dinner out of apples.”

            “Um…okay?”

            “What, no enthusiastic plea for apple pie?”

            Tsuzuki managed a weak grin. “I guess I’m not in the mood for apple pie.”

            Watari frowned, setting down the apples and leaning across the counter to gaze anxiously at Tsuzuki. “You’re more upset over that argument with Hisoka than I thought.”

            “We always fight. It’s no big deal.” Tsuzuki shrugged, turning his face away from Watari. “You go cook, stop worrying over it.”

            “But it never does you in like this has,” Watari countered, his frowning deepening as he took in Tsuzuki’s expression. “What really happened?”

            “Nothing. It’s just like always, he starts snapping at me so I go back at him and pretty soon, neither one of us is speaking.”

            “You sure?”

            “Positive.”

            A worried crease appeared in Watari’s forehead as he reached out and briskly tapped Tsuzuki on the chin. “Hey!”

            Watari ignored his exclamation, satisfied now that he had the shinigami’s attention. “All right then Tsu, if that’s what really happened, why’s it hurting you so much?”

            Tsuzuki’s brave resolve melted under Watari’s compassionate gaze and he blurted out, “I think Hisoka hates me and I can’t stand that, I don’t want him to hate me, I just want him to-oh shit.” Tsuzuki whimpered out the last phrase as his hand slowly pressed against his lips to create a barrier against further betraying words.

            “Hisoka doesn’t hate you,” Watari assured him. “That’s just his way, he’s a lot like Tatsumi if you think about it. And you *know* Tatsumi doesn’t hate you.”

            “But-,”

            “But nothing. You’re an impossible person to hate, Tsu. Now correct me if I’m wrong but…Tsuzuki Asato, you have stronger feelings for Hisoka than anticipated?”

            Tsuzuki nodded miserably, not seeing any point in keeping up this charade any longer and crumpled, burying his face in his hands. Watari’s gaze softened and hesitantly, he reached out to comfortingly stroke Tsuzuki’s hair. “Tch, don’t look so sad. Hisoka cares about you too, he’s lasted longer then any of your other partner’s hasn’t he? And I doubt he clings because of his love for his work.” A wry smile twisted Watari’s lips as he went on; still hesitantly stroking Tsuzuki’s hair in a comforting gesture he vaguely remembered from what seemed to be another lifetime. “What’s not to love about you, Tsuzuki?”

            “Don’t get me started on that.”

            “Tsuzuki…do you love him?”

            “I think I do.”

            “Then you’re capable of loving?”

            “I think so.”

            “Then, if you’re capable of loving, you must be capable of being loved.”

            Tsuzuki’s eyes shone suspiciously bright as he reached up to clasp Watari’s hands as the blonde slowly started to draw away from him. “Thanks.”

            “Any time.” Watari’s smile returned as he turned away from the violet-eyed man and went on in a more cheerful voice, “Now, what say you help me find something other than apples for dinner?”

 

#@#@#@

 

            Watari smiled half-heartedly as he gave the counter a final sweep with his damp sponge and tossed the item back into the sink. It landed with a soft splash in the soapy water and he sighed, running a hand through his hair as he glanced around the kitchen. Perfect.

            Or it would have been if a violet-eyed brunette had not been slumped in his chair at the table, snoring softly.

            “Can’t even make it to your own bed,” Watari admonished softly as he arranged Tsuzuki more comfortably at the table and left for a moment to retrieve a blanket. When he returned, blanket in hand, there was an awkward pause on his part as he wrapped the blanket loosely around Tsuzuki’s shoulders. He hadn’t wanted to move the sleeping man in fear he’d wake him…but he didn’t want to leave yet.

            “Why’d you have to fall for him?” Watari whispered to the sleeping man, sitting down across from him. There was no reason for him to leave, the only thing he had to go home to was a lab full of half-completed experiments and a frantic little owl. Might as well stay there a while longer in the presence of Tsuzuki if not his company. Watari sighed, propping his chin on one hand as he leaned forward to gaze intently at the sleeping man across from him.

            “How could you fall in love with *him*,” Watari wondered out loud, brushing blonde strands of hair out of his face. Tsuzuki stirred slightly, as if he were trying to answer him and Watari laughed softly. “Tsu…” he sighed out the abbreviation of the other man’s name, an affectionate nickname he rarely used, always frightened of some other emotion coming across in the name. “Do you really think Hisoka can love you like you can love him? He’ll try I know he will. But he won’t be able to and you’ll be miserable because of it.”

            Slowly, one violet eye opened and he smiled sleepily at Watari. “Didn’t know you cared so much,” Tsuzuki murmured, his voice muffled as he pulled the blanket around him tighter and sat up.

            “You weren’t supposed to hear that,” Watari replied, his eyes closing in embarrassment. He was vividly aware of the fact that his face was turning a bright red and the knowledge only made him blush more.

            “And I thought *I* blushed.”

            “Go back to sleep.”

            “No, that’s okay. Since I’m awake now and everything and you don’t seem to want to go home, I’ll stay up.” Tsuzuki smiled widely at Watari, his eyes lighting up with amusement. “How come you don’t want to go home?”

            Watari shrugged, “There’s nothing at home but an owl and a bunch of unfinished experiments.”

            “You like owls. You like being the mad scientist,” Tsuzuki stated, still smiling.

            “I do,” Watari nodded in agreement. “But sometimes…I’m lonely there. There’s no one to talk to. Birds don’t talk back much.” A wry smile twisted his lips and Tsuzuki’s smile slowly faded.

            “You should come over to my division more often,” Tsuzuki informed him. “I haven’t got many to talk to either…with everyone so busy or snappish…”

            Watari smiled faintly. “Maybe.

            “Maybe what? You WILL!”

            “If you say so.” Tsuzuki was quiet, watching Watari shake his head gently at his insistence. “I should go, it’s getting late…and you’re sleepy.”

            Tsuzuki looked immeasurably disappointed. “Already?”

            “Tsu, it’s nearly twelve o’clock. And we both have work tomorrow-,”

            “Please stay,” Tsuzuki asked, his eyes wide and hopeful.

            “Tsuzuki, I don’t know about you but I need sleep. I can’t stay up all night and just talk to you!”

            “You could sleep here.”

            Watari sighed. “Why is it so important I stay?”

            “Well…” Tsuzuki shrugged, adjusting the blanket around his shoulders. “It’s lonely here too.”

            A soft smile played on Watari’s lips, as he finally agreed. “All right then. I’ll stay.”

            Tsuzuki’s eyes lit up and for a brief moment, Watari wondered if this quite a sane idea and if he’d made the right choice. But as Tsuzuki jumped up eagerly and grasped his hand, tugging him up and chattering eagerly, it felt like he had.

            He just wished he knew what was going to come of it.

            Watari sighed, smiled sleepily, and followed the insistent tug of Tsuzuki.

 

:: End ::

 

AN: I think this may need a sequel. I didn’t really mean to end it there, but it seemed like a decent place to end…so I did! *nervous smile* Well this was my ill-fated first attempt at Yami no Matsuei fanfiction…how’d I do? I’ve never seen the anime or read the manga so please forgive any screw-ups on past events, character personalities, or dialogue, or whatever. Just please, please, puh-leeze review!