So you wanna join a cult do ya? Well, you've come to the right place.  Come see what happens when Ariel watches the Sci-Fi channel (which she is not allowed to do anymore) and is delerious.  Then imagine getting this in snail mail with no explanation.....

9.19.98

Dear Cult member wanna-be,

Many times I would wake up at night, crying, because I didn't belong.  Belong more specifically to a cult.  It was the one thing I really wanted the most.  I felt all empty inside.  I had tried and tried to be one of the special people, but my reply was always the same "I regret to inform you" letter.  I have since wallpapered my living room with all of them.  Each time I look at them I am reminded that they all suck.  With this in mind, I have decided to start my own cult.  I have named it the Classic 24 Hour Drive-Thru Cult of Ariel.

And now you are asking yourself, "Why the hell is this important to me?" and after a few seconds of pondering that thought you realize, "Ooooh, how can I join this magnificent and wonderful cult? I want to be one of the special people!"  I understand that you are now in shock, since I have read your mind and all, but understand, that it is the Classic 24 Hour Drive-Thru Cult of Ariel.  It can do aweing things.  Although you have already committed yourself pyschically, I will let the testimonies speak for themselves.

When I found the Classic 24 Hour Drive-Thru Cult of Ariel, I was engaged to a pathetic bit for attention man.  Then I realized I could be one of the special poeple and joined this extremely important to YOUR life organization.  Then instead of marrying that pathetic bit for attention man, I married the Classic 24 Hour Drive-Thru Cult of Ariel and now my life couldn't be any more peachy keen!
                                                -Ariel

Before I was introduced to the Classic 24 Hour Drive-Thru Cult of Ariel, I was a homely woman with a really pathetic bit for attention hair cut.  The men used to just run away.  Then one day, I came to this spiritual realization that I could be more, be one of the special people.  And now I am.  My happiness factor is through the roof.  I even changed my hair so that I would be more acceptable to the general public's eyes.  The Classic 24 Hour Drive-Thru Cult of Ariel changed my life for the better.
                                                -Ariel

There, don't just listen to me, listen to those high-praising testimonies from people who know exactly what the Classic 24 Hour Drive-Thru Cult of Ariel can do you for you.  So join now, and you can become one of the special people.  Widen that narrow band, smaller than radio waves, that you are living in your corner of the universe facing the corner.  Become one of us.  We are truly happy.

And remember, not only am I the worshipee, I am also a worshiper.

Sincerely,
Ariel


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~second letter~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9.19.98

Dear Classic 24 Hour Drive-Thru Cult of Ariel wannabe,

I regret to inform you that you are unable to become a member of the rockingist cult ever.  There are many factors that had made me come to this decision
1- I think you need new wallpaper
2- I believe that we can all learn from rejection.  It builds character.
3- Due to the coolness factor of this cult, I am only able to have one cult member, which is me.  I envisioned the damn thing, so deal with it.

I apologize for any harm doing that was enforced in these letters.  But, just think of how you have broadened your spectrum on cults.  You are now one of the cooler people who have been rejected by a cult.  So frame this letter and and show it to all your friends.  Consider it a symbol of pride.

I thank you for your understanding and hope that this little incident will not keep you from being the best cult member you can be.  Even if it is in a lesser cult.  Try to stay positive.  I also understand that there might be some confusion on why these letters were mailed together.  Blantantly due to the fact that I knew you would not be accepted and I thought I would save a stamp.  Quite genius of me, no? That is why I have a cult and you want to be in my cult.

It's alright, you can kiss my shoes,
Ariel

Oooh, I wanna read more take me here:
short stories/ramblings
quotes
poetry
The Adventures of Super Happy Gothic Girl
book list

Wait, you are this messed up AND you teach kids???? I don't want anymore of this,
take me home!!!!